I’ve lived with depression and generalized anxiety disorder for years and for several of those years I self medicated with various drugs. I finally chose to get completely clean of drugs about a year ago. I can not change how my mind acts to different things I can just keep going and choose to never give up no matter how low I feel and help those that are feeling low as best as I can whether it be getting them help if I can or even just a pair of ears to listen to their story.
I have schizophrenia. From 1981 to 2011 I believed, with every ounce in my body, that I was the Messiah and that I was going to the United Nations in New York to recite the Ten Commandments. Starting in 1981, I kept getting in trouble with the local police for going into churches and ripping up their Bibles and preaching. Sometimes I was jailed, other times I was committed, 302, 303, 304 until they ran out of numbers to commit me under. I received a lot psychotherapy at hospitals. I also received a lot of medications. Sometimes I received these medications against my will.
I believe the turning point came in 2000 when my case manager asked me to write the “Book of the Prophet” on a 3 1/2 inch floppy disk on a computer. In 2006, I managed to get hired by the in a cafeteria serving food and washing dishes. I was having anger issues on the job so, my employment specialist said that I needed CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). I told the coordinator of the program that I needed CBT. The coordinator emailed a CBT psychologist whose intern called me and we set up an appointment. I went through the CBT sessions and got to know my therapist.
Awful day…Today my child was taken to the hospital because he wanted to harm himself. He is 15 and is under family custody. I had to fly over to meet everyone at the hospital. The hospital took him hours from here in an ambulance, left me behind and refuses to let him go home even though he appears well. This is inpatient and hospital wants me to sign a form to admit him!!
What if I do not do it??
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