I was the master of faking it to make it. I wore so many masks and was determined to hide who I really was to the rest of the world. I had no clue as to who I really was or who I wanted to be. I only knew I didn’t like myself and I didn’t like telling anyone the pain I felt inside. I reinvented myself, or changed relationships or friends or moved, to try and rid myself of the pain, the loneliness and feelings of abandonment I felt.
I then began to drink to mask the pain and this led me down an even more dangerous path. I made so many mistakes by pretending I was “0K”. I was never OK. I was in a dark and lonely world. I didn’t trust myself, let alone trust anyone else. My insecurities often severed many good and happy relationships. Yet, I blamed everyone but myself.
Eventually, this down hill spiral had to end and I hit rock bottom and ended up in Federal Prison. Although I thought my world was over, although I lost everything material, I gained ME. For me, this is what I needed. I learned I could survive on very little, I learned that I’m not better than anyone else, I learned that the world does not revolve around me. I learned I had mental depression and anxiety and abandonment issues that were never dealt with since I was a child and the fact my mother died when I was 8-years-old. Yet, all of the masks I wore, hid these facts from the rest of the world. I cannot begin to tell you the transformation I began to make once
I removed the layers. Life is what you make it. You can make it…seek help. Do not turn others away. Reach out and know that you can do anything you put your mind to.