My name is Melanie, I live in Maui and for years couldn’t understand why I lived on one of the most beautiful places in the world and was the most unhappy person in the world. For years doctors would say I think you might be manic depressive… Of course I would say “not me” and go on my way.
For years the depression and the feelings of elation would come and go. Sometimes they would come and go in seconds. Until I didn’t get sleep for a week, I mean no sleep. I thought cars were following me, red eyes I could see in the night.
I knew it was not true on one level and the other I couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t go away. So finally one day getting ready to drive over a cliff I drove right to my doctor’s office. “HELP,” I said, but I won’t take certain drugs. Like Lithium. I heard it makes you gain weight etc.
So he gave me two different drugs. Still no help. Changed to another and within a week I was crying because I knew what the word JOY was for the first time in my life. I do know now that I was going through a tough time in my life when I got really bad. No doubt those crazy episodes can be from our ambient surroundings and pressures we go through. I am not perfect, I wish I could say I was but I am at least 88% most of the time.
Thanks to NAMI and a great doc I feel human and grateful.