My story is a long one. It started when I was a child. I was diagnosed with selective mutism at the age of 5. It’s like a social phobia which limited my ability to talk to anyone. I would freeze, with a million thoughts in my head, yet the words wouldn’t come out.
Throughout high school, i suffered from what I now know is called “blood-injury phobia” which triggered a lot of anxiety and panic attacks to the point where I was fainting constantly. The phobia started at the hospital, during doctor appointments, all the way down to biology class and the simple mention of blood. I avoided a lot of environments and situations that could potentially trigger an attack. I just couldn’t breathe. During that time, I was diagnosed with major depression.
Although I was prescribed medication, throughout my life I was capable of handling it on my own. I wanted to die since I was about 14, but I never acted on it. I went through my highs and lows without the need for medication. By the age of approximately 22, I realized and accepted the fact that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore and for the first time in my life I agreed to take medication. Then came my first suicide attempt.
I was locked up in a psych ward for 9 days, when I came out it took about a year to get me back on my feet again. Throughout that year, I was in and out of the hospitals emergency room. At the beginning of 2012 I rose up again, up up to the top. I was perfect. I thought I was cured of this depression. The world was beautiful and I was in love with it. I also fell in love with about 6 different people in that same year. From there, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which made the most sense of all. In December I started to drop again for reasons which I’m still unaware of, then last month came my most serious suicide attempt. I overdosed on a handful of pills and landed in the psych ward for two weeks. I’ve been out for two weeks now and I’m still struggling to get myself together.
My home life was almost always chaotic. My older brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia years ago, but he’s out on his own, living his own life in his own way without any form of treatment. Between my father and my older brother, life at home has been rough, but that’s behind me now. I’m living with my mom and my younger brother. My mother, being the strongest woman I know for raising three smart, kind and talented children, even with all our struggles.
I currently attend school full-time.
I’m a psychology major and pretty much a straight A student.
As you can see, my life pretty much revolves around psychology and I’ve been doing my own research on mental illnesses since I was young. It fascinates me.
I want to learn and grow from my experiences and give others hope, but I’m still learning to cope with myself. I want to get better before I can help others. That’s my ultimate goal in life, but it’s still a struggle.
I’m still finding my way and I’m growing everyday.