Schizophrenia for me is a dreary state of hallucinations: first hand I thought of a telepathy, that was some radio for people to hear me on, I began these delusional thoughts after an obvious overdose on adderall. I thought I could talk to movie stars, or former friends. After seeking help at a clinic I was sent to a hospital after thoughts of suicide.
Thereafter I resumed life hearing voices and began the descent into another four years of struggle. First seemed things were alright, I had a low key job working mowing for apartments, and even a new apartment to move into. Which I decided against and I am still stuck at home wondering why. It seems I have been captured and laid to rest in my basement.
I have been through a delusional frenzy thinking the devil was after me after seeing numerous black cats in the street, like it was some omen.
Since then I went about finishing a psychology degree after a few rigorous semesters. So here I am a college graduate wondering what to do.
I wrote in a journal once:
I have a constant feeling that people are trying to steal things from me, but not like my material possessions, but stealing my mind, taking over my mind. It is not pleasant. I constantly feel at a loss most of the time. Maybe the world out there is a better place, but in here, my own prison, things are not nice, and it makes wish all the more I was not stricken with this disease.
To all those struggling with mental illness I would encourage them to seek the support NAMI and their local facilities offer. Do no go off your medication regimen and try to have faith and trust in people and of yourself, and of some higher power.