Hi everyone! My name is Brianna and just before my 24th birthday I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. However I have struggled with mental illness since I was 13.
When I was 13 I was diagnosed with ADHD and thought to have been bipolar. I was put on Adderall, Depakote, and Prozac. In the space of 3 months I went from 210lbs down to 150lbs because all I wanted to do was sleep. I had no desire to do anything else. When I was 16 I was hospitalized for the first time for trying to kill myself. At that time I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. However, I had told the doctor that I was having some paranoia. I would often go to the blinds and look out them to see if anyone was there. I always felt like someone was watching me!
A little less then a year later I was molested by my aunts ex husband. 3 months after that happened I started having hallucinations. The first hallucination I had was of a civil war soldier. The strange thing about him was that he carried his head around underneath this arm. I was 17 when this all started happening and was still in high school. So imagine what that must have been like for a teenager. These hallucinations continued and up until September 2009 I had no idea what was wrong. I had been to doctor after doctor and no one had any idea what was wrong. It wasn’t until I met a therapist named Dr. Willis that I finally had a name. That same day she diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder.
I have been on many anti-psychotics but none of them really helped. So today I have chosen to stay off medication. I have my good days and my bad days but I have my family to support me. Also, after having been through many abusive and failed relationships I know how been seeing someone for a little over a month. He also has a mental illness so it really makes me feel like I am understood.
I just want to let anyone who may be suffering from a mental illness whether it be depression, bipolar, or schizophrenia, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! There are others out there that are struggling along with you.
I believe the song when we stand together by Nickelback says it all.
"we must stand together. There’s no giving in. Hand in hand forever! That’s when we all win!"