Senior year in high school…little did I know what my future had in store…
Just a month or so into my freshman year of college (1988) my parents visited with my sister, took us out to eat and back at the dorm decided to tell us they were going to divorce. I held in my feelings of sadness, anger and concentrated on college life and getting good grades. My dad remarried my junior year and all those feeling I stuffed came to the surface and thoughts of hurting starting to creep in my head. I talked to the school nurse and she felt I should be hospitalized.
This was one of many hospitalizations as I got in the pattern of getting well and stopped taking my meds. Then a trigger of some sort would send me into a depression and back to the hospital I went.
Ten years ago today I was in a mental institution getting 28 staples taken out of my neck. It was not my first attempt on ending my life but can say it has been my last and as long as I stay on my meds and do what I need to do to stay mentally healthy it will be the last time I go through a major depression.
This October will be 10 years that I lost my mother to depression. It is one of the most treatable diseases and yet people don’t get help for whatever reason (stigmas, think they can just snap out of it eventually, I would let it get to the point where I was a danger to myself before I let anyone know hoping it would just go away. Don’t let it get that far, I have never felt better and more stable and confident in myself in my life lately and know there is nowhere to go but up from here!!!
Admit and acknowledge you need help is the first step, getting that help is the second, you don’t have to do it alone either tell someone you know who won’t judge you and cares a lot for you and they will go with you to get help.