As a little girl I remember watching my parents struggle in their marriage. For years my Dad was always sleeping or working. One morning I woke up and he was gone. My Mom had taken him to the hospital because he felt like he was going to hurt himself. Through middle school and high school it was always my worse nightmare to have Mental Illness. My Dad suffers from Bipolar, Depression and Anxiety, one of my aunts has Bipolar and both my grandmothers had Bipolar. My Maternal Grandmother’s battle with it scared me the most because she also had BPD and Schizophrenia. My battle first started in elementary school with Anxiety, though I don’t remember getting really bad until High school. After three years of battling mental illness, feeling all alone and feeling worthless due to lashing out at everyone who ever cared about me, I was diagnosed with Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. My body has a really low tolerance for stress so when I exceed that level it goes berserk and I get psychotic. When I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, the doctors put me on antidepressants, but within two weeks I ended up in the hospital having a manic episode.
I would never trade this away for anything else, because I have learned so much about myself and about life. We are never alone. Having mental illness, for me, is a lot like having chronic illness, in that you learn very quickly to enjoy life and be grateful for those good days and to listen to your body when it tells you to slow down.
I’m still a young adult and a little confused about my whole future but There is one thing that I hope to always carry with me, that is the opportunity to inspire, encourage and or uplift those in similar situations. I’m a blogger, poet and songwriter. I have written a couple songs about my experiences fighting mental illness. I’m slowly working on starting up my own small business and hope to get married and start a family someday because Mental illness is not taking away my joy, my biggest dream. My battle with Mental illness has drawn me closer to God and strengthened my faith in Christ. They don’t allow me to go through this, rather they sustain me through all of my trials. I’m a true lover of life and hope to never give up the fight because my personal experience of a close brush with suicide scared me more than watching the car hit us when I was 7, which caused PTSD. We never know just how many lives we affect, I learned that this year. Think of all the lives we can affect in this life, sometimes total strangers and there are hundreds of more we will influence, for the better, as the years go on. Hold on. Be strong. We may not be able to fight this on our own but together we can do so much more. We are worth never giving up the fight. 😃