Has anyone every kept something to themselves or maybe shared with a few people …”not quite a secret” but something very personal. For fear of being judged or not accepted. While a few know my story, I feel it’s time to share it with others, and as I write this I have no expectations of any kind, be it sympathy, pity or empathy.
For those who do take the time to read this in its entirety, I hope they go away with understanding that mental health issues are real, just like any other illness.
The truth is that I have bi-polar disorder along with chronic anxiety and posttraumatic stress disorder. It is a serious disorder very common in women especially women of color. Those with it tend to put it on the back burner, say we just have a case of the “blues” or feel down, seek temporary treatment, if at all or self-medicate through drugs and alcohol
I decided to share my story simply because I’m tired of faking. I’m tired of wearing the mask that says everything is all good and it’s damn well not…I can release these words to the world and hopeful free myself of this torment that I feel. I can finally say, no, everything is not alright and no I’m not happy. . I have an illness and it’s one that makes me beyond miserable. Oh yes there is treatment, but for me the treatment has been like treating a bee sting, when you’ve actually been stung by a nest of hornets.
While there are cases of the “blues” or feeling down, due to ordinary life setbacks, such as a job loss, a break up, or just some financial difficulties. Bipolar and depressions are REAL illnesses and have debilitating effects that can eventually lead to suicide.
For those who say life is what you make it… and you have a good life, YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED. But for those who have suffered major traumas and have had their lives altered by them. This is not the case…Something that may have happened 20 years ago .can indeed affect your present day .simply because brain chemistry has been altered. As well neurons and hormones working in an unbalanced fashion.
I hope those who have taken the time to read this come away with a better understanding of what mental health issues are.
Be blessed and take care of yourselves and each other.