looking back at it, I understand why everyone was so frustrated with my depression and anxiety. I had everything going for me. I had a boyfriend, I was top three in the state for my age group at that time, I lived in a big happy house with a happy family who was religious and active. I had lots of friends. What could make me so upset? Nothing traumatic happened. I had not lost anyone since I was a toddler. What happened? After being on the wait list for the best psychiatrist in the state, he examined me, took tests, spoke to me. He concluded that some people have chemical imbalances in the brain and do not have a reason to be depressed. So there it was, the reason behind the darkness. He prescribed a medication thinking that it was not so severe. I thought I had reached hope but i had slipped and fell right back down but only lower. I was hospitalized. The only thing they did was teach coping skills and up the dosage. Certainly, I was feeling better because I was frightened and did not want to go back and I missed my family and learned other people had it worse. I switched schools and gave up on my swimming career. People called me crazy/psychotic. **Mental illnesses are not a form of psychosis. Psychosis is a form of a mental illness** I thought I was 100% happy. second semester of my new school I had to go on home bound teaching for suicidal thoughts. we could not find the right balance of meds. People at my new school started calling my crazy as well. I attempted suicide but was never harmed and was stopped before I could access the tools. Ladies and gentlemen I want you to hear me now. I DID hit rock bottom. I would not be here if my brother had not come in and tackled me to the ground. You are not alone, there are 30,000 americans a year who commit suicide. ”I” is not a word. First person plural. I live for my little sister, so I can do her hair for her first cotillion and future proms and homecomings. I live to see my brother graduate from an ivy league schools. I live to raise a family and help my kids grow and understand. I live for a better tomorrow.
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