I could write a novel explaining why I am afflicted with the multiple disorders I have. Loss of immediate family, rape, kidnapping, drug abuse, homelessness, rejection when I bettered myself with multiple college degrees, having not spoken to a friend outside of a therapist in two years. That is where I’ll end, as far as the past is concerned.
Two years ago I was a functional individual with mental illness, I was a Nurse and a mother to be, I had friends ( none of which knew). I had access to care and medication. My medication began to stop working, I could feel it, it has happened in the past. I could no longer concentrate at work and ended up losing my job, let’s just say “mysteriously”, after submitting FMLA paperwork with a Psychiatrist’s signature. I was devastated. I confided in my best friend who said she was sick of my whining and it was just pregnancy blues, she did not know about my past, I hide it from everyone. She ended our friendship on the grounds that I was crazy. I was trying, fighting every other day with Medicare over my medication costs, any new medications my Dr. suggested were rejected. These would also have been safer for my baby. At the time I was and still am over medicated on a dangerous Benzodiazepine but it was and still is out of pocket affordable, I was and am still taking an anti epileptic to counteract the side affects of that drug, this medication was known to cause birth defects.
My daughter was born at only 5 lbs. her stomach wall had not fully formed and she had a dangerous type of hernia which caused her intestines to tangle. She went through major surgery at two months of age, not only that but screamed and suffered constantly from benzo withdrawals, yeah it’s as bad as street drugs. Thankfully she’s alright now but I wonder how it could have been, had I had access to proper medical care.
Today I no longer eat, I live on the couch and no longer leave my house. My daughter’s Father cares for her while working long hours. I have difficulty rousing myself to play with her, we read and I provide her with basic needs while others take her to the library and parks. My Dr. does not know how to help me because most medications he prescribes are upwards of 600.00 a month plus. I still begrudgingly take the old meds. and am slowly tapering off of the benzodiazepine. My quality of life is as poor as someone with a terminal physical illness, yet because it’s ” in my head”, it feels like it’s all my fault. I was able to get regular insurance on top of Medicare but sadly found out that Part D was all I could use since it must be primary, according to them I would be subject to penalties if I did so, even though I have other credible coverage. I give these people money every month and never once have seen a dime returned.
I decided to do some research and have partnered with ADRC (aging and disabilities resource center) in my area. With their help we have been able to begin the process of disenrolling me from my Part D Plan.
If you can get other credible coverage, do it! Find an advocacy group to help you because Medicare will refuse. Soon I will for the first time in years be able to afford beneficial medication again, I know I too am responsible for my recovery but I need help just as much as anyone with a physical medical condition. I hope to make friends who are okay with my disability and give my daughter the Mother she deserves. This will take time but I am now hopeful. If you cannot gain access to prescriptions through another plan, find a clinic that has plans that offer help with medication costs. This can be frustrating. If you have family and friends that can help you find the right plan let them help. Going it on my own was not easy and I broke down crying many times. We have rights, we are human beings who should not be subjected to mistreatment by our government and those around us who refuse to take the time to understand. But will donate to so many other charitable causes within the blink of an eye. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I decided to reach out today.