I’m 46 years old and was diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder at age eight. My life has been a battle of constant struggling and self doubt. I also suffer from an anxiety disorder and PTSD. People look at me strange and this leaves mr in a complete state of paranoia. I’ve been hospitalized three times this year for medication changes. I’m still struggling. The depression and anxiety are paralyzing. I’m crying as I write this. I’m so sad and frightened. I see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly. If there are any words of wisdom out there I would be grateful to hear them.
What a relief to finally tell my story. It is absolute torture when people whom I care about doubt that there is anything wrong with me; and who, in essence, say, “just get over it!”
I was my moms second child; her first pregnancy miscarried. When I was still in my crib, my brother was born. He was quite ill and in and out of the hospital for operations to his damaged heart. I knew he was ill but i could not yet leave my crib, could not go to comfort him. This inability haunted me my entire life. My brother died after 6 months of life. Another miscarriage and then my mom got pregnant and carried to full term. I remember her calling the doctor to say she felt the baby inside her thrashing around and she was concerned. The doctor told her it was nothing and to just show up next week for her caesarian birth process. The baby was born dead, strangled by his umbilical cord. During the time that these births and deaths were happening, I was forgotten; locked in my room, or sent home with our housekeeper.
I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for 13 years. I am 22 and in my last year as college and graduating with 2 degrees. I cannot leave my hometown, drive at night, in the rain, fog, on the highway, or long distances. I have trouble being in a car that is new, being on the highway, at night, or crossing a bridge. I have lost several friends because I could not make the things they wanted me to come to or they found trying to deal with my issues was too stressful for them. I have tried medicine and counseling, but they do not seem to work too well. I gave up so much of my life hiding who I was and missed so many opportunities. I was offered several scholarships for college, but I could not take them. I missed once in a life time trips and tournaments because I let this control my life. The past 4 years I have told my story to anyone interested and tried to help anyone in need especially those suffering from panic attacks. I have not met anyone like me who has at least a panic attack a day, but even someone who has only had one in their life deserves support. I hope someday people realize those with a mental illness do not choose it, they do not give into and it isn’t just a thought that is easily changed. It is an illness that needs support. I hope someday I will be able to travel leave this city or state or even continent. To chase my real dreams or to help someone else be able to grow past their illness.
I am a 43 year old female with two married children and one grandson. In 1991, the summer after the birth of my son, I decided to seek help for the first time due to my unstable moods. I did not know why my behavior was so erratic. I attempted suicide twice in the past and I did have some knowledge why I chose to take my own life. I was the product of a very abusive “perfect” home. On the outside, my parents were outstanding citizens of the community and were held in very high regard. My father is an Army Veteran that served in the Vietnam war, receiving the Purple Heart. He was also the mayor of the town I grew up in and held a very high ranking position working for the United States government. My mother also worked for the United States government and was very involved in our church community. My sister and I were very well behaved children that had a nanny that took care of our physical needs.
I was the oldest daughter in a Latino home. I was responsible for everything my sister and I did. My father was the disciplinarian and I often felt the wrath of his anger, verbal, emotional and physical abuse, many times as my mother stood and watched with an expressionless face. He is an alcoholic with severe PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). My most horrific memories stemmed from the sexual abuse I endured for many years at the hand of my mothers brother and brother in law. My home life was very chaotic and violent on a daily basis. There was never any peace unless there was a function or gathering where people were present or as I call them “witnesses”.
I am 44 years old. Have been diagnosed with medication resistant severe depression after couple years of marriage. Recently about 2 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety disorder, OCD (counting in my head and writing among other things that simply waste time), bipolar. This was after a first time mania episode as much was going on thyroid problems and diabetes totally under control with sugars staying 80-90. I had been married for 18yrs and had negative comments from ex always with no support and came to point of being dead to the world, lost, confused, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually declining quickly. I was told what did wrong, no body else does that, and no uplifting. Currently in recovery for past 2 years. With God ALL things are possible.
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