My name is Lisa, and I need to tell my story. I also need at least one person to read it, and if you are that person, I thank you.
I am 37 years old and have bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, Dissociative Disorder NOS and sensory processing disorders regarding sound and touch. I’ve been diagnosed with far more many things, but we’ve finally narrowed the symptoms down to these categories. I am also bisexual, intersex, and gender fluid (meaning my sense of gender fluctuates, as does my gender dysphoria), which only strengthens my sense of being one terribly complicated human being!
My first phobia started around age 7, when my best friend’s mother was murdered by her husband. I became terrified of animals. Around age 11, depression and dissociation set in, and I started getting mental health treatment. At 15, I was hospitalized for the first time, in a ward I can only describe as a holding pen for wayward children. After that horrid experience, I started taking a medication. On a field trip, I had my first manic episode, where I stole the peepholes out of all the hotel doors. (I had previously always been a pinnacle of good behavior.) My hypomania and mania grew worse until I was forced to leave college and was finally diagnosed as bipolar at the age of 20. I have many mixed episodes, which I can only describe as a burning, energetic wave of emotional torture.