I have always had mental health problems, even as a young child. Thinking back, I was bipolar. My mother was. My theory is that the bipolar CAUSED the bpd traits and that’s why therapists psychlogists and psychiatrists have such a hard time differentiating between them. I had social workers diagnosis me as borderline and psychiatrists as bipolar. I am tired of the depression and wish I would stay in the middle more, as hypomania is no bargain either.
I am a sophomore studying English Education with a minor in Communication and Rhetoric. I hold a 3.8 overall GPA. I have three jobs on and off campus. I also volunteer tutoring children. This coming fall I will be an Orientation Leader. I have an amazing group of friends and family. I am very fortunate…
This is what I display to the outside world on a daily basis…
But, on April 3rd, in a moment of panic and hopelessness, I attempted to commit suicide. And the following week I entered a partial program through Strong Hospital. Only the ones closest to me knew that I was struggling with anxiety, depression, and that I have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. Much of the time prior to the partial program I felt that I needed to fight alone and could not ask for help because I was so fortunate that my extreme depression and anxiety did not make sense. There was no real reason for what I felt that could be explained to others and this caused me to feel guilty and ashamed. Now I have come to terms with the fact that I have every right to advocate for myself and take better care of myself. I also now know that this is something I must do. It is my goal that others will realize they too have that same right.
Further my goal is that someday everyone will realize that they do matter and what they feel matters. That is certainly the message that I hope to pass on.
This is a metaphor, the idea came from someone who helped me for many years.The metaphor is that you are sailing this boat, bipolar, and sometimes things are going to be really nice, but on other occasions, when the weather is rough, you are going to get the crap beat out of you (mania).
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