hi. it’s my story. not gonna hear the best things about me. but it’s okay i am not ashamed any of it. never mind. i’m suffering from major depressive disorder (MDD), passive-aggressive personality disorder, dysthymia, anxiety, and self-harm.i just wanna go back to september 25, 2012 and change a thing. yeah that day, i cut myself for the first time. i didn’t think that it’d stick to me but it did. now i’m trying for recovery. i really do. i try to stay strong. but i have to admit it, it’s pretty hard. My last cut was on May 11, 2013. But my last kinda harm was on September 15, 2013. Did it by a sharp bracelet not by a blade that was all.
so, what made me cut myself?
I had a nice childhood. Just, family kinda put pressure on me so much. For instance, my dad always wanted me to do things ”go and ask waitress for a napkin, you are not a kid anymore.” he said when we were in a restaurant. He did lots of things like that. It triggered my anixety in time. When I was 13, hard times started for me. I was thinking about suicide. Because I felt like a failure. My parents always compared me to everyone. Especially to my twin sister. I was insulted everyday. And lessons made me feel like I was a failure too. So many times I wanted to jump and considered about ending all these things. But I couldn’t do that and then I hated my self because I was a pussy, I wasn’t even able to do that. I was a really failure I thought myself.
Then next year, I was feeling better at some point. I told my mom about my suicide thing. But she just laughed about it and didn’t take it seriously. It kinda hurt but I pretended it was okay anyway.
In my freshent year in high school, i had trouble with school again. My family was so mad at me about having low marks and people in my school, in my town started rumuors about me. My twin sister blamed me ”Everyone hates you and because of it they hate me too even if they don’t know me!” she said. What could have I said? I kept my mouth close again. I was bullied at school. Popular girls in school were bullying me but I just ignored them.