I’m sixty-five. I’ve been working steadily my whole life. I was hospitalized when I was twenty-three and diagnosed with schizophrenia and put on medication, and I was told that medication was the answer, and that I would just have to take it for my entire life. I accepted that. I accepted that as long as I took the medication, I could not become psychotic, could not, impossible—and that was a tremendous reassurance to me, who was frightened that I would fall apart again. But I stayed out of the hospital, never was hospitalized again. My brother is also schizophrenic, but he has not accepted his medication, thinks “they are trying to poison me”—well, this is counterproductive, and has made his treatment very difficult. Over the years he has gone off medication, been an alcoholic, and has been hospitalized countless times and of course run up a huge medical bill that the state takes “care of”. My life has held together: I am a professor and have worked all my life in colleges, libraries and museums. I am an artist. I am this, I am that. But I have come through this life of schizophrenia, and have even heard some psychiatrists say that I was never schizophrenic at all, and I smile ironically. I have been very reluctant to give my testimony: I can’t tell you how much hatred and anger I have had thrown my way from consumers who maintain that the neuroleptics are harming them. I have become discouraged—doesn’t my story give hope to someone out there? I hope it does help someone to recover their life and go on. Be well.
At age 17 years of age I experienced my first manic episode. At this time mental illness was not well understood. At present I am 61 years of age. You were guaranteed a bed in a state hospital which at the time held an average of 2500 in-patients. To make a long story short after numerous beatings and sexual assaults I learned awareness of the comfort offered by my Lord God. You meet our father through our most difficult times. Remember with God we are at our strongest when we are at our weakest!
I am 62 years old. I have suffered from depression for approximately twenty years. I was married and I have two daughters and five grandchildren. During my depression I had suicidal thoughts. I did not want to live. My life seemed hopeless and useless in my depressed state of mind. I felt like I was in a bottomless pit, with no ending of darkness in sight. I felt I would never see light again. I neglected myself, my husband, and my daughters. I have been admitted into numerous psych wards. The last psych ward I was admitted to.was four years ago. During my 21 days in the psych ward I had a social worker who placed me in a Mental Health Rehabilation Program after my 21 days. I attended the program five days a week for four years. I completed and graduated from the program August 30, 2013. After completing the program I starting working at the high school as a permanent worker in the cafeteria as a lunch server. I have a therapist and psychiatrist with a treatment plan. My faith In Jesus Christ has during my depression has helped me. I have joy and happiness in my life again. My daughters have their mom back whole again. My message to those who suffer from depression is have hope and not ever give up. I am a living testimony that you can come out of the darkness of depression into the marvelous light again. Keep the faith. Cecil E. MILLER
Recently I was inpatient for the second time in my life, I just got out today and I feel that I need to share my story with the world, maybe it will help others maybe not, but either way I am going to try. **Warning this may contain triggers, please have caution as you read, thank you.**
Three years ago my then 12 year old daughter started struggling with depression, poor self esteem that led to self harm. The cutting started as small cuts on her wrist pretty soon her entire arm was scarred. Things got worse when she made her attempt to take her life by taking a bottle of pills. This lead to a hospitalization followed by an eating disorder treatment program. Fast forward to now. she has been in the hospital 4 times, seen several doctors and therapists. She is taking a cocktail of meds which don’t seem to work. Her current doctor is puzzled and is asking for a second opinion. No official diagnosis has been given yet. They are treating Bipolar, depression, anxiety, mania and the list goes on. I have seen my beautiful 115 lbs. little girl change into 150 lbs. a lifeless zombie in a matter of months all due the side affects of the medications. When will this nightmare end?
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