My story begins where my problems started, I noticed an increased amount of anger just a word could trigger me, I was employed 3 places wore many hats per se. A hospital, also managing paper work etc, A huge amount of work. my moods were very unpredictable as the anger escalated. at that point started in my mind do whatever I wanted. With that in mind resulted after time ending up in observation clinic on suicide watch. I disliked the person I had become. This was my first major manic episode, left me lifeless. Next step finding out what was happening. I became isolated, paranoid, very emotional along with this impending doom feeling I was full of anxiety just scared.
My first evaluation at an outpatient clinic. didn’t take much to be diagnosed Bi-polar, GAD, primary insomnia. not long after I was put on disability permanently met the criteria because of my work history to be on Medicare SSDI. all of this at once was difficult to swallow. I learned quickly I knew nothing about this, it seemed I tried every drug literary within 2 yrs. I was on a cocktail of drugs that in truth gave me feelings worse than already existed needless to say I became very lame, not certain I should live non responsive. as time passed I was certain I was not going to continue this regime. I got up brushed myself off and consulted my Doc. instinctively take me off out of the eight meds I was on. cut them all but the antidepressant, anxiety meds, sleeping med. He listened to me and did just that, closely monitored I started to progress. It took a long time after adding cognitive and behavior modification therapy intense, about 3 yrs. I was able to incorporate my copings skills to my feelings.
Bring it forward, the beginning of 2014 where my story is ending my problems begin, my Doctors my closest dearest persons whom knew me better than me……Died from cancer 2 months apart.
I am devastated, there was no backup plan. The clinic to this day has no doc assigned to me. no grief council and not enough docs to go into therapy so to my dismay its day one for me, I have to attend group once a week. I am not a group person, but no alternatives unless I want them to drop services….The what?
Im scared to fall backwards, with that said honestly im half way there.
Thanks for reading.