I’ve been struggling with a mood disorder since the age of 15. It may have been hanging around before then, but 15 is the age that I remember. I experienced two full years of intense emotions and dulled them with marijuana, which was the closest thing to medication I could get at the time. I honestly did not believe that I would live to graduate from high school.
I’m a Connections Facilitator. One of my group members wrote this and gave me permission to send it to NAMI. I read it to the group and we all agree that she has expressed something that we have all felt in a way that we would never be able to do.
By Britni Ayn
I am driving down the street, my darling dog Baxter has his head dangling out the window of the car; his tongue resting happily out the side of his mouth. Baxter begins to shift from the window to gazing at me; he can sense my mood changing. I start driving a bit too fast, swerving through lanes believing that I am invincible. Baxter starts to notice with greater preeminence that I am becoming irritable and moves to lie down on the seat. It is the start of mania the start of a very familiar feeling to me, I feel like I can do anything, like I can be any person. My ideas are brilliant and quick to evolve; my thoughts are like meteor showers, they are getting harder and harder to follow and I am record each sensational idea before the next is released and unpredictable. I feel like the world is the most beautiful place; I am girl who can get your attention and hold it, I am irresistible and captivating. I have power over everything on this earth; everything looks brighter to me, I am an inventor with my very own kaleidoscope eyes. The entire world is mine and nobody can change the utopia I am creating in my head. I am perfect, I am okay; but denial is the only thing that is true.
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