Beauty from pain - my journey of becoming and surviving bipolar I.
UPDATE: It has been over a year an a half. A few months after I made the above video I began going to a NAMI supported Bipolar and Depression Group. I am also working too. No one at works knows of my condition or history - but I am working as a Civil Engineer and am doing well. Recovery for me took time, and I’m here doing well and more comfortable and much more educated about what my illness is to me and ways to cope. There is hope.
For the last 30 years I have struggled with depression and borderline personality disorder. I spent close to 20 of those 30 years in the hospital for one reason or or another. Throughout all of that time, I never gave up (although, at times, I would have like to. However, I have been blessed with the insight to know how such actions would hurt the ones I love). I also know that I was born with this illness for a reason. With the help of my family and close friends I have been in recovery for close to 10 years now. I still have my bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad.
This video explains my journey. I was asked to participate in it by a gentleman named Bud Clayman, who suffers from OCD. It was shared on OC87recoverydiaries.com, a web site that he produces that features stories of recovery.
It’s one thing to talk about depression, but I wanted to show people what it’s like. This is only a fraction of it. It was my first breakdown in a long time and I wanted to post this video of me at my weakest moment to show people that it’s not something you should feel the need to hide or be ashamed of.
It’s exhausting, but it will be okay.
For a long time, I have thought about going public with my Bipolar Disorder. At first, I was worried about the stigma. Then, I realized that’s the very reason to talk about mental health issues: the only way to fight the stigma, is to talk openly about mental illness. This video gives a brief history of my struggle with Bipolar Disorder, I was diagnosed eight months ago and am happy to be alive and feel stable today. As today is Mental Health Awareness Day, take a minute to think about people who, everyday battle mental illness - and those who have unfortunately lost that battle.
This is the first step of my story. It’s my first time talking publicly about my depression, so I didn’t want to go into detail. I’ll share that side later. But we need to fight the stigma. You need to know you’re not alone.
(Yes, sorry, I have a foul mouth haha)
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