NAMI - You are Not Alone — Depression/Anxiety/ OCD

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Depression/Anxiety/ OCD

It all started when I was really young, with a knack for organizing my tea set and Easy Bake oven dishware.  It was soon recognized that I developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known as OCD.  The condition resulted from a traumatic event of abuse, and rapidly progressed into experiencing night terrors and slight insomnia.  These are symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which I have managed to overcome.  However,  I eventually developed more habits, such as having to turn off all electronics, counting ceiling and floor tiles and red cars.  I kept a “count book” as I used to call it, which was a diary of the objects I would keep count of and the total amount next to it.

 I started developing a number of fears, some examples are: I thought my house would burn down if my microwave was plugged in and grew very afraid that my mother would get into tragic car accidents everyday.  I used to call her everyday in grade school and have to leave school.  There are compulsive habits I still do, such as smacking my hand after I yawn or having to hum a tune while I touch multiple objects of the same group (four chairs, ten tables, boxes).

I also have obsessive thoughts about the number three and how much I dislike it.  It is a burden that I was born on the thirtieth day of the third month of the calendar year, and that I am the third child born of my siblings.  I also have terrible, violent thoughts that plague my mind and I have to find a way to get rid of it, such as washing my hands four times over.  I also have a penchant for over analyzing numbers and organization that has impacted my anxiety.

I suffer from panic attacks as well as anxiety attacks. The two are a bit different, although both are overwhelming.  As a result of all of my fears and anxiety, I also suffer from depression and constantly overcome and succumb to deep sadness for short or long periods of time.  I have sought behavioral therapy for a number of years but was forced to discontinue due to my mother’s strong opposition to behavioral medicine.  In turn, I had suicidal thoughts for a while because I felt that I would never make progress.

 At age fifteen, I started to abuse alcohol and it took one near-death experience to help me overcome excessive drinking.  At age 18, I ended up in the hospital for being nearly four times over the alcohol limit- the limit before death is four- and had to be tranquilized in order to have my stomach pumped.  I was near cardiac arrest and was unaware that I was dying due to blacking out because of an overwhelming adrenaline rush.  I was not meant to wake up the next day, but the doctors made it happen and I was able to start college two days after.

Since 2009, I have relied on positive thinking blogs and self help books, especially art and music therapy. Although I have a troubled mind, I have managed to stay active, eat well and continuously succeed and excel in my education.   At age twenty three, I am currently a full-time undergraduate and have a steady, well-paying job.

I hope to inspire people of all ages to overcome suicidal thoughts or self-esteem issues, as I have done.  I am still a work in progress, but I know my willpower is strong, no matter how often I want to give up.  Through emotional support groups and forums, I will be able to remain positive and help others feel the same way.  I plan to stay involved with NAMI events and be an example to the public that mental illnesses will not stop success.

Thank you for reading my story.

mental illness mental health inspiration hope therapy depression anxiety posttraumatic stress disorder obsessive compulsive disorder suicide substance abuse abuse panic attacks NAMI NAMI Walks submission

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