My first encounter with mental illness was around age eight or nine when I found out that my dad had bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression). He and my mom had just gotten remarried, and he had a manic episode, which landed him in the hospital. I learned that bipolar disorder could be treated with medication, but that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain for which there is no cure.
Bipolar disorder is a hereditary illness. I didn’t think that I had depression, but that I had just been in depressing situations. When my parents divorced, my grades suffered. I lacked confidence. I was teased and tormented by kids in school. When I became an adult, I couldn’t hold a job, and I found myself in trouble with the law. I tried on several occasions to go to college, but I would get discouraged and quit.
In my 20s, I lived with a friend, her parents and her four siblings for about three years. She and her older brother were physically and verbally abusive towards me. I was able to get out of that situation, but I struggled with the effects of it for a long time. I became friends with a woman whom I’d met in church. We were the same age and shared similar interest, but then my “former” friend resurfaced and manipulated her way into the relationship that was blossoming between my new friend and I.
About four months later, my new friend and I found ourselves in an inordinate relationship, and when church leadership found out about it, we had to end our friendship. It seemed as if everyone in church knew about it. because my Facebook account was hacked and I was harassed for months. I For a long time, I found it difficult to build meaningful relationships because it was as though people had already formed their opinion of me. I dated a guy for only a few months before he decided he wanted to see other people.
My friend and I tried to resume our friendship after a period of time passed, but found it difficult to have a functional relationship after this. One day, I got a from her in the mail, telling me that we couldn’t be friends anymore. The manner in which she told me was harsh. It was difficult to think that she thought so little of me that she couldn’t even tell me in person.
When my church dissolved and relocated to another state, I lost touch with a lot of people that I was connected to. I eventually found another place of worship, but found it hard to trust people or connect with them because of what had happened at my previous church. My ex-boyfriend resurfaced after three years, and we began talking again, but he secretly moved out-of-state and married someone else. I found myself in transition again.
I met a man while I was working as a security guard. He was my supervisor for three months before he transferred to another site. We kept in touch. One day, he called me and invited me to dinner. We had dinner that night and have been together ever since. We have been married for almost two years and together for almost three, and in January, we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy.
This is the first time that I have shared my story, and I am doing so because I feel that some mental illnesses can be emotionally triggered. I still struggle with abandonment issues, and find it difficult to build meaningful relationships with people, but I have a strong support system within my family, and now this forum. Mental illness is an issue that is really close to my heart. Thank you for making this available for people like me.