Mental Health and Me

Eating disorders have been affecting me since the age of 15. It started out as anorexic type behaviors and rituals, but within a year it turned into bulimia nervosa. I tried group counseling in college but found that I was just learning new ways to do the same thing. By the age of 22 I was diagnosed with severe depression and prescribed medication which I was told I would probably have to remain on for the rest of my life. Occasionally I went through periods of going to counseling services.

After the birth of my child at the age of 30, I did decide that I really needed to get some help with my bulimia, depression and many others problems that are associated with eating disorders. Since then, I have been in two partial inpatient programs, two outpatient programs and voluntarily committed myself on four separate occasions. Upon release from my inpatient facilities I would be referred to doctors and therapists to continue treatment.

The problem that I have experienced is the fact that my diagnosis seems to be different from doctor to doctor. I don’t understand how this can be that way since I have consistently told each and every doctor. I have seen that I have eating disorders. If one would look through my medical records, it would appear that I am telling them different things which I am not. How can I get effective treatment when doctors have a different diagnosis for me?

I realize that I have a number of mental health issues that need to be addressed and am quite willing to do so and to do what the doctors suggest for me. However, I have had to move and find new doctors to go to. I sign medical release forms only to find out later that my information was not sent to my new doctor. On one occasion, I found out that an eating disorders specialist that I had been seeing for over 4 years, did not even keep a file on me! How can that be?

I was attending an eating disorders program (partial inpatient) and after two weeks had still not even spoken once to the doctor in charge of the program or see my individual therapist, who I was supposed to talk with individually at least every other day. I have an extremely low self-esteem, little self-confidence, and feelings of worthlessness. In order to try to help myself, I have read books on eating disorders, mental health illnesses, psychology, etc.

While trying to help myself, I have also had to help my son who had social, emotional, and behavioral delays at the age of 5. I knew a couple of parents with children diagnosed with Asperger's when my son was 2 and I began to realize that my son has many of the same characteristics. Early intervention in a self-contained classroom has helped him adjust fairly well, but he still has problems that worry me. I don’t want him to end up like me. I research things in order to help him obsessively so that I can make informed decisions for his overall well being.

For over 10 years now I juggle between his issues and my own. At times I feel like I am just treading water and making no progress whatsoever. Currently, I am seeing a therapist who is teaching me skills that I can use instead of the usual self destructive behaviors that I am used to doing. It is difficult, but I am determined to understand and accept who I am so that I can become a productive citizen who wants desperately to make a difference in this world.

Most of my doctors before this one spent time in therapy asking me how I have been without giving me options or teaching me skills that I can use to manage my problems better. I have been seeking out help for a very long time and will continue to do so. Recently I was told that I needed to make more of an effort, which has been bothering me to the point that I decided to write this post.

Doctors and therapists need to be consistent in their diagnosis and treatment plans so that everyone can be on the same page in dealing with all the problems that occur for their clients. It is extremely important to me to remove the stigma of mental illness in our world today by teaching awareness, prevention, and advocacy. Reforms need to take place in order to improve the quality of care given to us, so that we can live fairly happy and productive lives. For now, I just want to learn to like myself for who I am. Thank you for reading this post and I hope that you have a wonderful day.

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