My Struggle With Schizophrenia
I have been struggling with schizophrenia for approximately one year, and over time the symptoms have changed rapidly. I have experienced auditory hallucinations (which are still current), delusions, disorganized thinking, and the infamous negative symptoms.
My first encounter was in August of 2014 when I was living in S.C. I was socially isolating, having irrational paranoid thoughts, and bouts of depression. I should mention that I had just been released from the Army a month earlier, and the stress was piling on my shoulders like a ton of bricks. The Army had me on various medications to battle the symptoms I was displaying, but neither the Army nor I knew that I was heading towards a psychotic experience that would change me forever.
While in S.C. I had roommates that I rarely saw, because I was acting like a hermit crab and staying in my room 99% of the time. They knew something was up, and would try to get me to hang out, and this would make me isolate more. I started having paranoid delusions about the neighbors below us, that they were keying my car, and that they were out to hurt me. I would stand in the shadows of my room with the window open, and I would try to hear what they were saying about me. Little did I know, they were just college kids having normal conversations. I was just too far gone in the throws of psychosis.
It all came to a point one night when I began hearing voices, the voices were acting out a play of murder and I was in the middle of it. I believed the voices were telling me that someone was going to be shot, and that I had to save them. So I ran around the complex all night trying to figure out where the voices were coming from, I just couldn’t find them. I eventually called the police, because I believed that the voices were so real that someone was being murdered. When the police came, they told me I was hearing things and needed to go to the VA and get my medication adjusted. I was distraught.
So when they left, I was determined that I was going to find the culprit. I ended up running around the complex for about 12 hours until morning, chasing the voices, and then I finally thought I found them. I narrowed it down to an apartment, and was ready to save that person. So I tried to kick in the the side door to no avail, and then I kicked in a window. When it finally hit me, no one is in that apartment. So a passerby comes along, sees what’s going on and sees me there and I tell him to call the police. Next thing I know I’m in the hospital with my parents by my side. I had been sleep deprived for days, and malnourished for weeks.
For the months and year that follow it has been a struggle, with symptoms changing, and adjusting to them. I am thankful for my care that I have received, and for all the help that the officers gave me when they could have put me in jail. I have been very fortunate with this illness, I could be a lot worse off than I am, the fact that I’m not makes me thankful.
About halfway through the year I had a bout of religiosity that led me to the Lord, and I got saved by Jesus Christ. I would label that my number one accomplishment in life. It doesn’t matter that I have a disease that is probably gonna be here for a long time, I have the faith to live another day. Thanks for letting me share.