Opal’s Story
Opal’s Story
September 1, 2015
Hello, my name is Opal from Beaverdam, Virginia. I am an active, proud member of NAMI-Rappahannock, a part of America’s largest grassroots mental health organization, the National Alliance of Mental Illness.
As a young child, I experienced sexual abuse, religious abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect from society in general. At age three, I was raped by a sixteen year old perpetrator. My two older brothers, ages six and seven, witnessed the tragedy. My parents were advised never speak about the rape. I believe the silence was the worst thing to do. My brothers and I were never allowed to discuss or assimilate what had happened to us. This silence resulted in a “breeding ground” wherein my older brother became a perpetrator himself and repeatedly raped me for ten years.
When I was six, I was sexually assaulted by an Uncle.This tactic made me completely withdraw. I believed I had to protect my mother at any cost. However, I felt that I couldn’t even protect myself from harm. Anxious and afraid to live at the age of thirteen, I tried to commit suicide and my parents withdrew me from school. Emotionally died I saw myself as a failure with no hope. Under-educated, ignorant, and alone in the world where no child should feel like death is their only option. My childhood was lost, and so was I for the majority of my life.
Stuck in a cycle of repeated broken relationships and abuse, not knowing I had a brain disorder. Desperate, and fearful for my life once again I reached out in 2010 for help to my primary care doctor. I was able to establish trust with him. This has resulted in a form of integrated care from all my doctors, and nurses. My Primary Care, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Cardiologists, and Dentist work as individuals, as well as a team in my overall care. They have encouraged me to take an active role in my care. I have open communication between myself, and all my doctors that has given me clarity in my condition, and the challenges I face. My relationship with them is based on trust and commitment. I am starting to believe in recovery. Their care has aided me not only to live within the community, but to have an active role within our society as an advocate for myself and others. Each of us has a unique story to tell, and a responsibility to advocate for ourselves and each other to save life’s for future generations.
Even as an adult in recovery, I often find myself reliving the victimization that I endured as a child. I live with these horrific memories even to this day. I was left alone without support to struggle with the mental illness that ensued. I am determined to overcome the tragic loss of my childhood identity which resulted from unthinkable physical and mental trauma. I am 58 years old and I am just now removing my donned mask of shame known as “Mental Illness”. For the first time, I am beginning to have the quality of life that being an ”American” promises.
Today I can say; “This is not my shame it is societal shame”! I have come to realize that what happen to me was not my fault. The internalized shame and guilt was the result from the trauma I endured. I now know that these things are caused by fear and insufficient information about mental illness and the challenges the mentally ill face. Persons living with the the “Stigma of Shame”, and the fear associated with mental illness do not receive the desperately needed help they deserve. Often, they become frustrated with their condition/s because of the internalized shame. This can lead a person to come off their medication/s without medical approval. This happened in my case. Lack of trust, and fear of shame lead me to taking myself off prescribed medication. Frustration with my illness, deep rooted emotions, helplessness, and no support lead to poor decisions.
To Shame a soul is to remove the confidence of that soul. My diagnosis is PTSD, mental, and emotional under development, and beautiful mind (schizophrenic). I also suffer with survivors guilt. These diagnostic terms are designed for my doctors to communicate in regards to my health care, and treatment, but within our society are labels of shame.
I believe there is a great need for medical reform in the quality of care and treatment that individuals with mental illness receive to ensure we sense the whole person. Presently, what we face at best is fragmented health care, and changes need to be made. In my case, poor communications, misdiagnoses, being forced to take the wrong medication mixtures, and being over medicated has lead to me losing years of my life. I have had to endure the throws of unknown psychotic breaks leading to hospitalization that could have been prevented or were not necessary if only I had integrated care.
There is a need for integrated care to be America’s Top Priority. Mental illness includes biological, psychological, and social factors. Effective treatment programs have to address the environmental factors that contribute to mental illnesses. Relationships between doctors and patients should be created in an environment of safety where trust can be established. All providers should be educated in trauma informed care. Also, peer support plays a vital role in integrated care by helping educate, and empower individuals to improve their quality of life (recovery). Integrate health care, eliminates the fragmented mental health services and gives individuals access to accurate, comprehensive diagnoses and follow-up care. In the bigger picture individuals would have less hospitalizations, stay on their medications, and have affordable health care which in the long run would be cost effective. Integrated care prepares individuals to lead productive lives within our communities. We are both the mirrors, and the reflectors of our policies within our society. Can I count on your support for integrated care?
Thank you for your time, and insight. I look forward to working with you as we create the much needed health care reform our great country needs.