Let’s Climb That Mountain
Dear Bipolar Disorder,
I am not the label of “depression” or “manic”. I am just me - the good, responsible human being I’ve always been. I am not the labels given to me by others. I am just me - the trustworthy, supportive friend and peer I’ve always been. I have climbed mountains to where I stand today, looking out towards the horizon of beautiful views and the clearest I have ever seen. he world truly is a remarkable place and I am a miracle learning to live in the present moment - not the past where depression plays and not the future where anxiety runs wildly. Through my experiences with Bipolar Disorder, anxiety disorder, self-harm, purging, and depression I have learned more valuable lessons as a growing young adult than I ever have and ever will. I’ve made a list of the top 5 most important things to keep in mind when I struggle to continue climbing that mountain to more beautiful views.
1. I am not my diagnosis - Yes, its helped to show what the best treatment path to take would be, but through my experiences of past episodes of crying hysterically, days I didn’t want to get out of bad to past episodes of lying and high levels of energy that would keep me up for hours when manic, I have always been grounded in who I truly am. Through the process of getting this diagnosis, I know myself better now than I did before - that I am not afraid to speak out, be more self-confident, live in the present, and that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness.
2. Wind, rain, and snowstorms on that mountain won’t bring me down - When the weather gets bad on the mountain where I stand, it is going to be okay. That bad weather may be a result of difficult obstacles presented by others and life stressors, from lost friendships that got blown off by the wind to pouring rain with dealing with a breach in confidentiality of my information. Remember - you’ve been through difficult situations before and have survived them and will continue to!
3. Re-evaluate relationships and allow toxic people to walk out of your life, down that mountain - I’ve learned to look back in some of my previous friendships and I have recognized how some relationships were not healthy to begin with. When I was dealing with a psychiatric evaluation after being in crisis, and dealing with the aftermath of what felt like a hurricane I had scraped by surviving, I let some people walk down the mountain where I stand, out of my life. Whether they lost their trust in me or had no idea what to think about the crisis that I had been in, I did not question why our lives started going in opposite directions. Just let them go and realize that everything happens for a reason - there will be new people that climb up that mountain with you to meet you and that keep climbing up with you through the struggles to that beautiful view. And when that does happen - the view becomes all the more beautiful when sharing it with someone else.
4. Let it go, but fight your battles for self-protection when you need to - Just like #3, letting some people in your life walk away from you down that mountain, let some stressors and situations slip away. It is a mental weight in your mind that you do not need to carry. Balance is important when letting go of some things, but feeling the need to fight through some obstacles. This is where you take a pause on the mountain. Picture the view and observe it. Breathe. Do not be impulsive. Think through what needs to be sorted out. It is important to recognize addressing concerns you have when you feel violated by an individual, discriminated against, or with confidentiality. Recognize that eventually you will let everything go, even the things you at some point had to address and fight for before the emotions that wound you in those battles are also the emotions that will heal you and clear the fog over the view you look out upon.
5. Most importantly, LOVE! - Love what you do, the view you are currently at, the present moment, others that support you and continue to climb with you, and on top of this list, yourself! Self-compassion is easier said than done, but one step at a time and you will get there. Learn a new hobby, take care of your physical body because it will help your mental health as well, and lots of positive self-talk. Just love openly, from you to your best friend to the sunrises in the morning, and even your foes. We all have scars and battle wounds, troubles, and vulnerability and sensitivity - love where you are at, love those that give you a difficult time because it makes you stronger, and love the support you receive. Love yourself as if you are your own best friend! Would your best friend freak you out about an upcoming test? Would you harm your best friend? Would you talk or yell negative statements at your best friend? So, why treat yourself this way? Love and care for all aspects of your wellness.
We all are on a mountain somewhere looking at the view from where we stand and breathing in the air, pausing, and living in the moment. When living in the present, anxiety cannot sneak up behind you and depression from the past walks down that mountain. Be the best you can be in the present and love the view, every detail of it because we are not our wrapped up in our labels.
