Nick,

Reading about your battle, struggle, and eventual victory during your illness was an encouragement to me, parent of a 20’s young woman in the grip of her mental health illness. Your testimony of faith was refreshing as you shared how God played the major role in your recovery. He loves us enough to never let us go through these struggles alone. He speaks encouragement to us and sends loving people to support, love, and mentor us. Your story is truly one of comfort. You faced your demons and God gave you the strength and the motivation to accept the help of professionals, family, and friends to get through. Knowing this victory has to be great comfort to you for what life brings your way. We are not promised a walk without difficulties, just a Savior who walks with us and knows our every need. God’s blessings as you continue to walk in faith.

Faith is what led me here. Faith destroyed my mind and any hope for what I once considered normal. Faith led me on a path of the fantastic, the dangerous, the lonely and the savior. I have been saved by so many people I have lost count and have too much anxiety to even reprocess what I was even being saved from. Faith had me believing that we will not get our happiness, our freedom or our peace until death. Faith had me thinking that I wasn’t faithful enough to be chosen by God to walk his path and be in his light. What I discovered is that I was in need of my own light.

The voices are constantly reminding me to be more of just about everything I am not so I can acquire everything I don’t have, and I can’t lie, they have kept their promises. They have given me everything in the world that I could logically want and nothing that my searching soul has been dying for in need. They swear my need is not what I actually need, but a spoiled brat’s desire. I am tired. I get so depressed that the thought of moving and hearing the voices wake up makes me contemplate suicide. On good days my mania is so high that I couldn’t come down even if a bomb exploded in the next room. I am so happy that I cannot empathize with others, give them the respect that they deserve or even be around people because my energy is so unstable. My anxiety wrecks me and on days like these. I come home physically and emotionally exhausted and unavailable.

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Faith, by definition, means to have trust or confidence in someone or something. Or in my words, it means to have your eyes set, your focus unshakeable and to rest unafraid. When I picture a Christian who lives by faith, I see a woman or man bold, strong and unbreakable walking without fear, through whatever comes their way.

However, for a lot of us this isn’t what faith looks like most of the time, sometimes your faith looks more teary and swollen eyes, with a racing heart, holding on tight and waiting for the storm to pass. I find this to be especially true when I am in a season plagued by mental illness.

It’s being talked about more than ever before and it’s known as “an epidemic in our nation.” Yet, I find myself frequently confused about what it looks like to live with mental illness and to love the Lord “with all your heart, soul and mind,” in the midst of it. I have lived with mental illness, loved people with mental illness and worked at a psychiatric treatment center for kids struggling with mental illness.

But still, despite my extensive experience and knowledge about it, when I am faced with devastating circumstances or am in the midst of an episode, I still find myself saying to myself, “Everything happens for a reason, yes, this is all part of the plan! Life is an adventure, it’s all going to work out! Smile and get it together!”

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I was once a child filled with inspiration and love for the world around me. I found beauty in the smallest of things and that is what made me special. What made me special to others was the fact that I was a little girl; an object to be used. I was abused in ways which words cannot express and that inspiration and love left my little body and the spark for life left my eyes. I became an echo of who I was supposed to be and there was nothing that anyone could do about it. This darkness ran in the family and it grabbed ahold of my heart and wouldn’t let it go.
As I grew I found solace in art; any type of art that could express the dark void inside became my sound escape from my reality. In time I began to find a new meaning through educating myself about others who had gone through what I had. Scoring 9 out of 10 on the ACE score, it was highly predicted that I wouldn’t amount to anything, but I have. No money, little family, no friends, but education was the key. I graduated a year and a half early in the top 5% of my class in high school; I graduated Sum Cum Laude with my Bachelor’s degree in psychology and am now working towards my PhD in clinical psychology whilst working fulltime for the Department of Child Safety for my state government.

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I first had depression and anxiety when I was 12 years old. My mom passed from cancer & a brain tumor. It took several years to get better. I dealt with more episodes of depression too, dealing with some big life changes-a move, dad remarrying and gaining a stepfamily, a toxic bf.. my doctor prescribed an antidepressant and also counseling. Counseling and faith, friends, and family have really been so necessary for me.

Dear Special One Too:

I have experienced being very very afraid, very persecuted and terrified, and hope to share and reach you too if you are feeling this way too Dear One.

As a Christian, God, Jesus, and My Faith told me and others, “ Try not to send messages of fear and confusion to others.”  If We can try to live, dwell that way with one another,  I think “ Mathematically and logically, ” We should be able to reduce our fear, and live a lot more at Peace with One Another. :)

This Life-breathing Paragraph is based on these Two Bible Truths from One of the Books of Timothy:

“ I have not given you a spirit of fear, but have given you a spirit of love and a sound mind.”

“Perfect love casts out fear.” This meaning when we try to send messages in a loving way to one another, we are helping to not leave space, a place for fear.

Thanks for letting me Share for You and Me.

Sincerely

Tara Christine Meier ( Hauth)

As we travel this faith journey we sense that even in the darkness we are walking home. There is no light on our path save for the lamp of God’s word. But our feet seem to know the way. We walk with hearts wide open until the evening’s setting sun. Turning at a familiar street we make our way to the Door. Sensing the presence of someone we love who left too soon we throw it open and behold our child, now whole and complete, in the fullness of who he was created to be. He opens wide his arms to welcome us home. © Desiree Woodland

We survivors of suicide may never arrive at a place where we can say, “It’s all over.” Grief has left a scar and taken on a life of its own.  Deborah Morris Coryell, a grief counselor writes, “It has a rhythm. Sometimes it is present in its absence and sometimes it is absence that makes our grief present.” Life goes on, but Ryan remains missing from our lives. Our task is to learn how to live with this permanent change, not just get over a temporary disruption.

Facing Ryan’s death was possible only in small pieces. The jagged edges of this kind of learning seemed so hard, so cruel. In order to push through the darkness of death, my husband Gary and I worked to rebuild the bonds with our absent son. As we became accustomed to the pain, we began to frame Ryan’s life into stories that satisfied our spirits and created gratitude to have had him for 24 years.

Through stories we keep him with us always. In our mind’s eye, we see our five-year old, tow-headed, sweet baby boy afraid to go up to the counter at McDonald’s and ask for a packet of catsup. We encouraged him to be brave.

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I was diagnosed with a mental illness in my mid-thirties, I had no idea what was happening to me.  I started to hear voices in my mind that said they were God.  I was very much in to my faith so I thought what the voices said was true.  I became compliant to the things that they were telling me to do without hesitation.  I told a close friend about my situation and I was hospitalized in a mental ward for 3 months.  I was then signed over to my parents care and on a out going patient care. I was assigned a psychiatrist and was given medication, which by itself did not help much.  I had to learn that the medication and my faith together are what has helped me tremendously.  I have learned through my faith that there had to be a fight in me to always believe and have hope and never give up.  So i say to those who are struggling, fight the good fight of faith and never give up hope!

• Recognize the fears to question them as if you were a lawyer cross examining evidence.
• Love & Faith- spirituality will help you cope despite what anyone in a close vicinity claims.
• The people around you will either support you or leave you to the crows.  We as mentally-ill people need to never participate in drama and gossip and support one another.
• Know you can still leave this world with love, you are not evil.  You are a person with a mental disorder.  You are beautiful and talented in a respect you already envision or know we all have a purpose and God wants happiness for all of his children.
• Never give up or abuse your prescription pills.  Trust me I have traveled back and forth but now I know following your psychiatrist’s orders that is the best possible scenario for you to live by.  
• Eat healthy: this is a challenge for anybody, of course, including myself. 
• There is a such thing as inspiration so let those around you fill you with light and greatness.
• For every negative thought you think remember as indicated earlier ensure it holds no truths.
• We are people just like anyone else.  We put labels on ourselves and walk around with grudges holding our heads down.  Being angry at the world will do nothing for you, I know because I have walked through many challenges with a fiery temperament.  It left a hole in the wall, that is inexcusable we need to take advantage of the great people around us and learn coping skills to never become that angry for any reason in this beautiful life.
• We all must be calmed, and relax.  Just let go and live a life you want t live.
• Dream and make it come true even if it is a simple item.  Just approach it slowly.  Small step by another small step.
• I hide in my room on a daily basis to avoid my anxiety.  Do you believe that will help me in the long run?  Avoidance is you allowing fears to hold you down when you have the potential to do and be great.
• Smile.  It never hurt anyone, well ,maybe someone with a mouth hygiene issue.
• Release the tension through meditation and cognitive behaviors taught to you by a friend or professional.
• Use the resources you can and be determined and strong.  People view others in quite various ways depending on his or her own experiences.