Today I have decided to share my story with you all. I began suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts in my mid-teen years. This also included self-harm. I had been in therapy for years and lived with a parent in the mental health field. Nobody knew. I finally spoke up, continued therapy and was put on antidepressants. I am thankful every day that I sought help.

I am now 27 years old and have been off of the medication for many years. Knowing that this is something I will have to deal with my whole life, I still seek counseling in my most trying of times. In my 20s I have experienced a close family member’s mental health issues (drug addiction and depression), the suicide of another close family member, the suicide of an old friend, and the repercussions of all of the above. I refuse to let my own depression define me. I have made a choice to take on a career for myself in the mental health profession. I hope that I can help save and/or change lives…even if it is just one. 

My hopes for those who need help…seek help. It is not an easy conversation by any means, but there are resources out there. Use them. Your loved ones would much rather you come to them for help than to attend your funeral. Every life matters, yours and mine. 

Don’t look at the elephant: What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
Don’t look at the elephant
If you’re like me, some thoughts feel helpful but others unproductive, random, and overwhelming. You can sometimes make connections between your thinking, feeling, doing, but don’t know how to change them, though you want to. I hit a wall when I try to “Will my Way” to better thinking by attempting better thinking. So what is changing my thinking? I am rewiring my brain.

Brain engineering
It’s like rewiring a circuit. My connection sends electricity in one direction, but now I need energy sent a different direction. I can’t just stick my hand in the path or I’ll electrocute myself. So, I stop, disconnect the circuit pieces, rewire the path, and then plug it back into the wall. It takes time, but it’s the only way to consistently send energy in that direction. It’s not that the original circuit was wrong; I did need that energy flow before. But now I need change. Brains work the same way.

My brain is NOT out to get me
My brain didn’t wake up saying, “Skipping this meal is a great idea!” That pattern is attached to a specific scenario, and in that scenario, avoiding food met a valid need. Now, that pattern is ineffective. Did the original connection produce light? Yes. So I need to consider that original scenario to the extent necessary for Rewiring my brain to operate best Right now.

Keep reading

I have been to wilderness therapy, and yes, when I came back my life was different. But you have to consider, I switched school and the people in my life before I left did not have my best interest. I was very vulnerable and people took advantage of me, I was too sick to see it though. Now, I have amazing people in my life who love me very dearly and would do anything for me. I am most likely going to residential for two months. I am scared, yes, due to trust issues and the experience I had last time. But I realized, these people care so much about me. They are not going to leave just because I’m gone for a while. In fact, going away will improve my relationships with them as I will learn better interpersonal skills. The people that matter most will not leave and will be there every step of the way. You can improve your life and think about how beneficial this will be not only for yourself, but for your loved ones as well. Stay strong!

Recovery

Hospital stays, treatment centers, therapy galore,
Hurting so deeply into my core.
Mind in a cloud somewhere far, far away,
Thinking it’s impossible to make it another day.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

Lost, Scared, Alone,
All I wanted was to go home.
Didn’t want to be alive,
Didn’t give a s*** if I died.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

Keep reading

When I was first diagnosed with D.I.D. I didn’t know what was going on. There seemed to be a sudden massive breakthrough in my psyche and the way I experienced life and reality had changed in ways I never could have imagined. I never expected that returning to therapy for “life management” issues was going to turn my world inside out and upside down. It’s been a year and a half now. I’m still working with my therapist twice a week for about an hour and fifteen minutes or so each session and still keep in supportive contact via email in between sessions. 

When I first returned to therapy my spouse, our child, and I had just moved into a new duplex around the corner from our old one. I was working about 28-30 hours a week in special education at school for undersexed junior high kids. I was in my second graduate program and had actually been in grad school for about 4 years because I immediately enrolled in a second graduate program after completing the first. It was one of those major life changes that tends to come on suddenly and unexpectedly. It all seemed quite rational at the time but also left me feeling bewildered as to what it was that compelled me to make such drastic changes. In addition my mom had been really sick and nearly died, had it not been for me insisting that she be transferred to a different hospital after she had surgery and was clearly suffering from congestive heart failure at a surgery center who had no cardiological staff on board.

Keep reading

My name is Cindie Apruzzese and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder and Autism. It’s been rough through the years getting to where I am today. I’ve come a long way from what I used to be like. I am currently on medication and I go to psychotherapy once a week. Therapy and the meds have helped me to be able to function. I enjoy the NAMI outings, walks, and Network parties. I go to a center here in Waterbury, CT. They have helped me greatly. They helped me to learn how to type, computers, etc. 

Hi there. My name’s Briana, and I suffer from mental illness. I really hope that sharing an overview of my story will help other people to not feel so alone. Here goes:

I began therapy when I was about seven, and I’ve been in it ever since. I also take a few different medications to help ease my symptoms; in fact, I’m still trying to find the right combo of meds that works for me. I’ve officially been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and “bipolar tendencies”. My biggest struggle is with my depression, but I also suffer from really paranoid, intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. I’ve been hospitalized before because things have gotten bad enough where I’ve been suicidal. 

Even though that all sounds very negative, my life has not been dominated by my mental illness. I’ve been able to maintain my mental health well enough to graduate from college with two degrees. If I can do it, I sincerely believe that anyone with the willpower can too. I believe in you and your ability to overcome.

In early 2012 I was diagnosed with a breast tissue disease and started on a chemoprophylactic drug for 5 years. As a result I had to stop my SSRI as it blocked the cancer drug. I was struggling with a bleak and miserable marriage while not wanting to disappoint or traumatize my 3 girls with a divorce, as well as the effects of PTSD from time in Afghanistan as a Military Nurse. My life slid into significant depression. Spring led to summer and I spent at least one day every weekend in bed, watching movies and unable to care for my family, my kids, myself. I would get irritated if they even came into the room.  I was still barely functioning at work but the effort took so much out of me that by the time I got home and cooked dinner, all I had energy for was to change into pajamas and lie in my bed, even before the sun went down.

Keep reading

My name is Albert I’m 48 years old I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 about 12 years ago and any man or woman who reads this message please believe there is light at the end of the tunnel I’m beginning therapy this week and the goal is to conquer all my demons from childhood anyone who reads this and has bipolar and has lost hope I’ve been there before and I support and love you and email me anytime for guidance. There is one last thing I want to say I started a new mantra for myself which I will say one day soon to the therapist “Albert you beat it buddy you beat all your demons and no one can hurt or harm you again. You are a winner not a loser or a failure.” To the men and women with bipolar I say the same. You are winners in my book and I’m here anytime for you. Don’t give up please!