In my life I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD…. I have seen many therapists and taken many medications, but I am now FREE! 

I’m not saying I don’t still have doubts and fears at times, but I am no longer controlled by them. I have learned how to fight back, I have learned a new way of thinking, and I have grown in faith and well. 

I’m also not saying that I don’t believe that medications or therapists are needed in some circumstances, but that for me, as I believe would be true for many others there was a better way. 

My story to what may have led to my issues: picked on/ignored/isolated by peer group, then rape for my 1st sexual experience at 16. I went away for college where I was sexually promiscuous almost in an OCD kind of way and always with the thought that sex was the only thing I was good for on this Earth. Followed by another rape, this time gang rape 8 guys. Caved to peer pressure with drugs, X, lots of alcohol. Then at an all time low a complete disregard for whether or not I lived or died. 

Over the next few years ..Therapists, medications, marriage, kids …ups and downs of life and attempting to settle for a job that doesn’t suit my soul. I embarked on a new journey that let me to the discovery or rediscovery really, of the power of mind set …. The steps I took to recovery were not conventional and it was not easy, but it was worth it. 

I would choose freedom from unwanted, negative, or fearful thoughts over any other kind of freedom any day. 

It is possible, keep going!

SEEKING TO RISE ABOVE THE MISTAKES OF MY PASS ASWELL AS EVERY EVENT THAT BUILT HISTORY FOR MYSELF……….. REACHING DAILY TOWARDS A HIGHER GROUND EVEN THOUGH KNOWN AND UNKNOWN ENEMIES DESIRE MY DEMISE AND HOPE AS WELL AS FAITH IN GOD. STATEGIZING EFFORTS TO UNIFY BUT EXHAUSTED FROM HATE CRIMES, NEGLECT AND ABUSE.  THERAPUTIC STRAGIES AND EFFECTS………….GOALS GROWING WISER, HEALTHIER,STRONGER AND OVERALL WEALTHIER MIND AND SET. SAFE AND FREEDOM IN EVERYTHING THAT CONNECTED TO MY LIFE. MISTAKES NOT ORDIANED FOR A DEVINE PURPOSE< BIG PICTURE VIEWING.  DYROTHA  DD  NEVER ALTER Original Self Improver By God Inspirations. Amen HEALTHIEST LIVES POSSIBLE FOREVERMORE QUEST. PEACE

I am a military veteran. I also grew up in a family that would never support mental health, nor recognize that I had bipolar and hyper activity symptoms. As I continued to grow up, I had academic and social problems. I could only relate to my peers through sports. In this area, I excelled. As I continued through high school, I became an athletic phenomenon. I had become a national silver and golden gloves boxing champion. I was an all state football star. I was an all state track star. I even received scholarships to major universities. The university scouts predicted I would become one of the most feared defensive end’s in college football and one of the fastest 400 m and 110 m hurdlers in track and field.

I lacked the self esteem, for academics - so I refused all offers. I joined the military instead; knowing that I could excel in the military. I did. I had a great career, full of adventure, exotic countries and people, humanitarian missions, and so on -  during war time and peace. I thought I was just fine, as a person. Looking back, I was a train wreck, looking for a place to happen. Not because of the military, but because I had a genetic condition, that no one picked up on - in a conducive environment. I went through years of depression and anger, not knowing what was “wrong with me”. I blamed everything and everyone else. Because I was a proud man, and loyal.

As years passed, I became worse. Then I was in an accident, that left me with a  medium brain injury, broken shoulder, broken left hip, twisted pelvis and a spinal column that is still degenerating in the disks and vertebrate. I was also diagnosed with other chronic physical disabling conditions. Physicians told my family, that I would not live much longer. Were they ever wrong! I know my higher power had other plans.

Keep reading

This is a story intended to provide hope to those battling severe postpartum or major depression, and/or is considering ECT for the treatment of severe depression.

I gave birth to my first child 5 ½ years ago at the age of 32. I had an easy pregnancy and a strong support network, minus the fact that I don’t live where I grew up, so much of my family is long-distance and much of my friend network at the time was work-based or rooted in my husband’s networks. I’d been a successful, working professional for a decade and married to my supportive husband for 4 years. Though my late father had a history of depression I never considered myself a sufferer. Life was comfortable, normal.

But I didn’t feel like myself after the (somewhat traumatic) birth. I despised the pain of breast feeding and being home “alone,” but plowed through the first weeks with my usual determination, living off visits from friends and family and a few little summer day excursions with the baby. When my daughter was six weeks old things took a fateful turn: my dog was hit and killed by a car before my eyes after I left my gate open following a somber, solo walk with the baby. I didn’t sleep a wink that night and lost my appetite that weekend, replaying the incident in my mind throughout a long trip to a friend’s wedding, cursing myself for this seemingly avoidable mistake that killed something I loved and pained others who loved him.

Keep reading

This poem was  inspired by the struggle  with mental illness and the subsequent recovery of a young woman very dear to me.

I’ve always wanted to express my love and support for her and let her know that she’s been in my heart and  mind every step of the way.  This is a message of hope for her and for anyone struggling with mental illness.

Here is a song for you, my beautiful girl

A song for a rare, delicate pearl

You’ll always be Mom’s and Dad’s baby doll

So never fear a tall wall

Above the dark clouds, the sky is always blue

A beautiful rainbow will always come through

The moon is bright in shadowy nights and

Stars sparkle, like precious stones, far in the heights

If you close your eyes and stretch your hand

You’ll be able to catch one of them

Catch it and carry it with you, so you’ll never be blue

Let that light brighten your spirit

Let it be the key that will set you free

Free from worries, free from fears

Keep reading

Faith, by definition, means to have trust or confidence in someone or something. Or in my words, it means to have your eyes set, your focus unshakeable and to rest unafraid. When I picture a Christian who lives by faith, I see a woman or man bold, strong and unbreakable walking without fear, through whatever comes their way.

However, for a lot of us this isn’t what faith looks like most of the time, sometimes your faith looks more teary and swollen eyes, with a racing heart, holding on tight and waiting for the storm to pass. I find this to be especially true when I am in a season plagued by mental illness.

It’s being talked about more than ever before and it’s known as “an epidemic in our nation.” Yet, I find myself frequently confused about what it looks like to live with mental illness and to love the Lord “with all your heart, soul and mind,” in the midst of it. I have lived with mental illness, loved people with mental illness and worked at a psychiatric treatment center for kids struggling with mental illness.

But still, despite my extensive experience and knowledge about it, when I am faced with devastating circumstances or am in the midst of an episode, I still find myself saying to myself, “Everything happens for a reason, yes, this is all part of the plan! Life is an adventure, it’s all going to work out! Smile and get it together!”

Keep reading

Hello I have a mental disorder but through many years of therapy I learned not to be ashamed and I am not alone also with my medicine I take every day and my support team I’m dealing with life a little better my disorder schizophrenia severe depression bipolar I hear voices but with faith hope strength great support and prayers I now want to live and have a life set goals keep boundaries build self esteem now my worth and always love myself

Faith is what led me here. Faith destroyed my mind and any hope for what I once considered normal. Faith led me on a path of the fantastic, the dangerous, the lonely and the savior. I have been saved by so many people I have lost count and have too much anxiety to even reprocess what I was even being saved from. Faith had me believing that we will not get our happiness, our freedom or our peace until death. Faith had me thinking that I wasn’t faithful enough to be chosen by God to walk his path and be in his light. What I discovered is that I was in need of my own light.

The voices are constantly reminding me to be more of just about everything I am not so I can acquire everything I don’t have, and I can’t lie, they have kept their promises. They have given me everything in the world that I could logically want and nothing that my searching soul has been dying for in need. They swear my need is not what I actually need, but a spoiled brat’s desire. I am tired. I get so depressed that the thought of moving and hearing the voices wake up makes me contemplate suicide. On good days my mania is so high that I couldn’t come down even if a bomb exploded in the next room. I am so happy that I cannot empathize with others, give them the respect that they deserve or even be around people because my energy is so unstable. My anxiety wrecks me and on days like these. I come home physically and emotionally exhausted and unavailable.

Keep reading

I was once a child filled with inspiration and love for the world around me. I found beauty in the smallest of things and that is what made me special. What made me special to others was the fact that I was a little girl; an object to be used. I was abused in ways which words cannot express and that inspiration and love left my little body and the spark for life left my eyes. I became an echo of who I was supposed to be and there was nothing that anyone could do about it. This darkness ran in the family and it grabbed ahold of my heart and wouldn’t let it go.
As I grew I found solace in art; any type of art that could express the dark void inside became my sound escape from my reality. In time I began to find a new meaning through educating myself about others who had gone through what I had. Scoring 9 out of 10 on the ACE score, it was highly predicted that I wouldn’t amount to anything, but I have. No money, little family, no friends, but education was the key. I graduated a year and a half early in the top 5% of my class in high school; I graduated Sum Cum Laude with my Bachelor’s degree in psychology and am now working towards my PhD in clinical psychology whilst working fulltime for the Department of Child Safety for my state government.

Keep reading