I was diagnosed with BPD when I was in the US Army in 1983. With several hundred therapy visits, 2+ years facilitating for NAMI Multnomah and my own strong determination to get better I was told by my therapist at the time, “You no longer display any of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder”. I was floored!!! But I have not stopped striving to better my life. NAMI Connection has been an integral source of strength and knowledge for me. I am hoping to facilitate again where I now live.

I still have some mental health issues. ADHD and OCD are two of the most present now, but I have PTSD from the abuse I suffered growing up. I still see a therapist and most likely will for most of the remainder of my life. My husband and I are well versed in NAMI Connection. We first began going to a NAMI Connection group in 2013. My first visit was scary for me. I stood at the door to the room and froze. The facilitator, at that time, got up and led me by hand to a chair. I haven’t quit supporting NAMI. Everything I purchase at Amazon.com gives a percentage of my purchase to NAMI Multnomah!!!

I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is on top of my other diagnoses of bipolar II disorder, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. BPD affects four areas of my life:

1. Emotional Dysregulation:

• BPD is very exhausting and confusing to live with. I’m never sure whether to trust my emotions, if they’re justified or if I’m just overreacting.
• My moods are mostly always triggered by something in my environment, but if something good happens five minutes later, I’ll immediately feel euphoric.
• Every emotion I feel is amplified; they can change at the drop of a hat and can last only minutes or hours.
• When I am in a severe crisis where I am experiencing intense emotions, I will sometimes dissociate to deal with it. It will feel as if the situation isn’t actually real and that I’m watching myself from outside of my body.
• I have had difficult controlling my anger and have often succumbed to attacks of extreme rage - throwing things, screaming, crying, etc. It is usually very inappropriate for the situation and I can be very sarcastic and bitter.
• It is during these episodes of rage that I am most likely to intentionally hurt myself. I am much more in control of this symptom now with the help of medication, but I still have my moments.
• I also usually feel very internally restless, like something is missing. I get bored extremely easily and sometimes feel like a hollow shell. I never have a sense of fulfillment.

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Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

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Three years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) when I was first stayed in the psych ward at the local hospital. I added that to my list of mental illnesses that my psychiatric had diagnosed me with - severe depression and anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Aside from me suffering the most with PTSD, I also struggle with BPD. Once I learned of my diagnosis, I researched it as much as I could - I asked mental health professionals about it, Googled it and read just about every article, and bought books about it. I realized I had suffered from BPD since I was in pre-school. The symptoms of BPD fit me perfectly. I had a fear of abandonment, extreme mood swings, self-harm, suicidal behavior, disassociation, random fits of rage, dangerous impulsive behavior, isolation, and a history and pattern of unstable relationships.

My parents have been nothing but understanding, compassionate, and have made a treatment plan for me (just in case I hit rock bottom). They ordered books off of Amazon about how to deal with people with BPD and studied up on it. Prior to my hospitalization in the psych ward, I avoided telling my parents how I was feeling and would cope by self-harm. Now, I talk to them when I am feeling suicidal, worthless, ugly, and like I don’t deserve to be alive. During these times, they stay close to me without suffocating me and patiently listen to me whenever I had something to say.

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I have been diagnosed with a long list of mental illnesses. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Out of all of them, BPD affects my life the most. I have had BPD my whole life. From pre-school to elementary, I would cry the night before, the morning of, and during school because I wanted to be with my mother. One of the symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment/paranoia of being abandoned. I did not want to be separated from my mother because I was afraid of being left behind.

Other symptoms of BPD are: feelings of extreme anger for no reason, a pattern of unstable relationships, disassociation, mood swings, depression, anxiety, impulsive dangerous behavior, feelings of emptiness, distorted and unstable self-image, and self-harm/suicidal ideations.

BPD also affects the way one thinks. They see things only as black or white - there is no gray area. In addition, people with BPD put someone they just met on a pedestal, then immediately drops them if the person says/does something they do not like/approve of. It can be the smallest thing and most times, the person has no idea that they did anything offensive. Having BPD distorts the mind, leaving the person unable to think clearly and logically.

I have burned so many bridges because of my fits of rage, my inability to handle stressful situations, and my attachment issues (fear of abandonment).
I have been in and out of the psychiatric ward at the hospital because of BPD. Every time I am released from the psychiatric ward I am hopeful and optimistic, praying that this will be the last time I will be in the psychiatric ward. Except, I always end up going back. I feel so frustrated because I am taking ten steps backwards from recovery.

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Don’t look at the elephant: What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
Don’t look at the elephant
If you’re like me, some thoughts feel helpful but others unproductive, random, and overwhelming. You can sometimes make connections between your thinking, feeling, doing, but don’t know how to change them, though you want to. I hit a wall when I try to “Will my Way” to better thinking by attempting better thinking. So what is changing my thinking? I am rewiring my brain.

Brain engineering
It’s like rewiring a circuit. My connection sends electricity in one direction, but now I need energy sent a different direction. I can’t just stick my hand in the path or I’ll electrocute myself. So, I stop, disconnect the circuit pieces, rewire the path, and then plug it back into the wall. It takes time, but it’s the only way to consistently send energy in that direction. It’s not that the original circuit was wrong; I did need that energy flow before. But now I need change. Brains work the same way.

My brain is NOT out to get me
My brain didn’t wake up saying, “Skipping this meal is a great idea!” That pattern is attached to a specific scenario, and in that scenario, avoiding food met a valid need. Now, that pattern is ineffective. Did the original connection produce light? Yes. So I need to consider that original scenario to the extent necessary for Rewiring my brain to operate best Right now.

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I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

Hello my name is Silvia. I am from Barcelona, Spain. As you can hear I have a big accent so please stop me if you don’t understand and I will be happy to repeat it.

I am taking a class to be Family and Peer Support Specialist from NAMI California. NAMI stands for National Alliance in Mental illness.

I am here today because I want to help you. Also, I can give you some information and services that you or your family can use.

I have a life experience living with a mental heath diagnoses.

I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I felt confuse, scare and lonely.

 I used to be so ashamed of being mentally ill that I try to hard to hide it until I realize that I am who I am with my ups and downs, happy or sad.

Also, I can relate with you and your experience of being hospitalized because I was too.  I thought that I will never be able to come back to be a productive person to society and work again.

Being in a mental Hospital change me.

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After years of experiencing instability in my mood and self-image, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at the age of 21. And since BPD is a misunderstood disorder, I’m going to start off by giving NAMI’s definition of BPD.

“Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to a few days.

Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.

While mental health experts now generally agree that the label ‘borderline personality disorder’ is very misleading, a more accurate term does not exist yet.”

Receiving these diagnoses caused me to feel a million different emotions at once. On one hand, I was relieved that I was not making it all up and that I was not alone. But on the other hand, I was terrified as to what these diagnoses meant for me and my life. I thought that if I researched and found out everything I could about my diagnoses that I could somehow beat them. I was wrong.

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When I was five I was diagnosed with adhd. As if that wasn’t hard enough I was abused by my dad and developed ptsd.but I’m school I got mad fun of and called names I also have bipolar and depression so I used to self harm.But one day when I reached out I became part of the the nami of Middlesex and I always have support to talk to.i am still living in a abuse house but I have faith that one day I will succeed and Suicide is not the answer