When I was 19 I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after 2 years of rapid cycling between mania and depression. I had also dealt with depression for a long time, and have attempted suicide 3 times in my life. It has taken a long time to become stable, but after years of therapy and medications, I’m functioning well and have minimal impairment. I never gave up on my dreams, and now I’m 25, own a home, am halfway through nursing school with a 4.0 GPA at the top of my class, and was selected for a major scholarship to pay for the rest of school. My point is to never give up. I promised myself that when I finally put that R.N. behind my name, I will make a difference and help people who are struggling like I did. I will remind healthcare providers that those lost souls need guiding, and not judgement or whispers. Stay strong, you have a purpose. 

My Story (super short version!):

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my early teens. Spent the rest of my life up until four years ago being ashamed of who I was.

But I am not my illness, my illness is not me. I don’t need nor do I want sympathy. What I need and want is help to stop the stigma of mental illness.

I’m also selfless to a fault, which is very debilitating (to say the least!).. but it is also, ironically enough, part of why I’m still alive and in the place I am today.

With that being said, I don’t ask for help a lot. I’m getting better at that though & making sure I’m asking when I truly need it - like today. I’m asking for your help.

Please help me stop the stigma once and for all. 🙏🏻❤️

 #KNOWBETTER #DOBETTER #BEBETTER #MENTALWELLNESS

 Chris was a boyfriend of mine who died by suicide many years ago. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder but he didn’t seek help. Suicide is much worse than coping.  Surviving isn’t all there is to do, there are many avenues of support. Never forget family and friends, don’t give up because someone else did! You can not change what has happened to you but you can change how you view yourself. Figure out what you enjoy and don’t lose focus on that. If you lost joy, reach out! The worst thing you can do is lose hope.

 Personally, I have struggled from the very things he was trying to escape. The strangest part was when I discovered that, but it was also the most powerful and vital aspect to my own recovery. Just because you have or don’t have isn’t reason to give up! If you’re feeling down and out you MUST find a way to deal with it. There isn’t any purpose in giving up but there is a reason to find purpose. The resources for help aren’t always what we want to pursue. If you struggle, you’ll do best to explore every avenue available. It’s better to try now than regret later. 

Just today, I felt like I was an “advocate”. It was a small thing… an instant that others in the room might have missed, or thought was completely awkward, but it was me taking a brief second in time to try to defy “the stigma”. Today one of my coworkers asked me how I stay on top of it all. I genuinely answered by saying, “When I am on, I’m on. When I am off, I am off. I have Bipolar Disorder.” Immediately it was strange. Sadly enough, I responded to the silence with, “Don’t worry. I’m medicated. I’m not gonna flip out on you or anything.” Then I realized I had just perpetuated what I was trying to defy. 

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 23. About time. I remember feeling like I couldn’t, and did not, relate with people when I was a young adolescent. Even before that, really. I’ve been confused about how I feel all of my life. Even now, I am unsure that I can trust myself. Should I feel this way? Do others feel like this? Is the way I am behaving uncomfortable to those around me? It sucks. 

I am now 39. I have been hospitalized multiple times, grabbed the wheel of a car someone else was driving and ran it into a guardrail on the freeway, self medicated myself with alcohol and a multitude of other things, hurt people I loved with all my “shenanigans”, had an affair on my ex-husband with a guy I knew was not good for me, threatened to slit my wrist just to prove a point, spent money I didn’t have on things that I thought would make me feel better, stayed away from my beautiful children because I thought they deserved better (if I am honest with myself about that, I did it because I wanted to), made plans to bail on everything I love by running away or by “offing” myself, said hurtful things to the people I love, rode a horse down Jordan Parkway (there was no horse), started fights… physical ones. I could go on and on.

Keep reading

8 hours ago, my intelligent, loving son Zac hung himself from the rafters of our farm shed. The reason that accepting treatment for bipolar disorder was so hard as our society would rather claim an STD or addiction before they would ever admit to having a mental illness. Just like many, his symptoms developed during his junior year in college. His family and friends did not know how to react. While he was trying to overcome his delusional and fears his friends were either separating from him or continuing their own lives. 

Keep reading

I’ve been so frustrated as a person with Bipolar Disorder, and not only the stigma, but the lack of empathy within the work industry. My husband works in the software entertainment industry, where everything is either on a time limit, or they are working 10+ hours of overtime for months, until their product ships. The overtime for me is the complete worst, it’s literal torture for me. His work doesn’t offer health insurance, individual health insurance is much to expensive for us, and I don’t qualify for Medicaid. Many times over the past few months I’ve been home alone, shaking, sobbing, terrified of the almost unbearable urges to end it all. The separation anxiety has been torture. It’s affected his work performance drastically, and he’s a lead who’s expected to maintain morale & lead by example.

Over the years, we have found “mental illness of a spouse” to be the least accepted reason for taking personal days, or any extended time off (a few days.) Especially when everything has a deadline, or overtime is expected. On the other hand, this industry is most times lenient on tardiness, long lunches. This part has actually been a benefit. It’s so conflicting. Plus, usually when a project is finished, studios will either lay off a majority of their employees, or shit down completely. Every few years leaving us in turmoil about his next job, which state we have to move, losing houses. Last time he was laid off, our older children had to move out of state (with biological dad), and we had to downsize our lives dramatically. He got a stable job that paid barely 1/3 of what he was making before…but the hours were predictable. Our lives financially were much simpler, due to the strict income, and I felt much more stable. I wasn’t worried about him losing his job, or all of the “political” BS that goes on in his industry. I am always fearing his position, usually merely due to creative differences. Things just felt more calm. The kids slowly started coming back, and I felt like we were adjusting to our new lives…myself being relieved.

Keep reading

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was in my early 30s, like a lot of those who suffer from this illness I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and then major depressive disorder.  I had a suicide attempt in my late teens.  For most of my adult life I was fortunate enough to be able to cope with my illness, thanks to therapy, groups and medication but there were times when everything seemed to fall apart and I had to be hospitalized.  I have also been fortunate to have been able to hold a full time job for 24 years.  As I grow older, however, I find the symptoms of my illness harder to deal with and I feel tired a lot and just have a general lack of motivation and energy.  This is disturbing to me as I dealt so well with bipolar disorder (or so I thought) for so many years but I am coming to terms with this and finding new coping mechanisms for dealing with my “new normal”.  It can be frustrating to feel as if you are “going backwards” but I continue to take my medications, go to therapy and now have a caseworker, who has helped me a lot.  This is not an illness that will ever go away but can be dealt with, even though, in my case, I feel it cheated me out of some life experiences such as having a family and close friends.  I try to remain positive and like to hear the stories of others with bipolar disorder so I can see how they have coped and for support.

Keep reading

“Successfully” Living with Bipolar Disorder, If I Can Do it, So Can You!

 I never thought I’d actually say I was “Successfully Living” with Bipolar Disorder. I’ve been on so many medications and been through cognitive behavior therapy, multiple psychiatric hospitalizations along with a long-term hospitalization as well. When I found out I had medication resistant depression and I had to have ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy) I didn’t think I’d ever become successful.

But, here I am. And, I can actually say for the first time since my diagnosis in 2003 that I am successfully living with Bipolar Disorder. Why do I say “successfully”? Because, I’d rather not consider the other options.

I work hard every day to make sure I stay stable. And, if an episode attempts to rear its ugly head, I’m on top of it. I’ve created a Coping Box that is my “go to” no matter if a mania episode or depressive episode starts. The box is filled with affirmations, prayer journals, my Bible, my Wellness Recovery Action Plan, coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, bubbles, (no one can be in a sad mood with bubbles, right?)  Gummie snacks, a list of people to call, and all sorts of spiritual books to keep me in God’s Word.

Keep reading

Hi my name is Robbi I’m a 43year-old mother of 3 at 32 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Mental illness runs in my family.   My mother and grandfather were not diagnosed So unfortunately due to lack of awareness of the disease resources and lack of proper medications at 8 I lost my mother and witnessed  her suicide . At 10 I  witnessed  the  death of my grandfather to suicide also I’m a twin. Despite my extreme trauma and my losses I continue to fight for those like me who need support resources hope love kindness caring respect…most of all stop the stigma. I do not drink nor do drugs. I have no criminal  record. I have an Associate degree as an Licenced Optician. I want to do what ever I can to help who ever I can. God has seen me thru and I feel like this organization will help me achieve those goals as well as I feel thats my purpose. It brings me great joy to give others hope. I want to become a motivational speaker like Les Brown.  With Gods help I will❤

I am a 30-year-old female with bipolar disorder and I am here to share my story of living with this mental health condition.

By the age of 16 years old, I had probably been diagnosed with every mental illness out there and taken every medication possible. It wasn’t until I was 24 years old and in early recovery from addiction, that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I had this diagnosis. No one understood what I was dealing with. I never knew if I would wake up happy or depressed. I did tons and tons of research on bipolar disorder and found that it is partially genetic, so I decided to do some digging and look into my family. I found out that my great grandmother had died by suicide at the age of 24. My father had told me he didn’t want me to know because he blamed himself for my mental illness.

I look back, and always ask, “why me?” I feel like I was hit with the stick that gave me a mental health condition and a substance abuse disorder. Being one of three girls, I always felt like the black sheep of my family. I was always messing up and getting into trouble, especially when I would become manic. To me, mania is an outer body experience and I loved the feeling. In a matter of two weeks I spent over $20,000 because of my mania.

I have learned that bipolar disorder is not my life—it’s just part of who I am. I am not shy about it and I do public speaking about my illness. Now at the age of 30, I am a licensed master social worker working with individuals with mental health conditions. Mental illness is not something we can help and education is the key factor in getting others to understand what we are dealing with. I am finally stable on my medication and am doing the best I have been in a long time.

Even though my life isn’t where I thought it would be, coming to terms with my bipolar disorder was a major accomplishment. Don’t get me wrong—I still have my ups and downs and I still have a lot of symptoms that are very difficult to manage. NAMI is such an amazing organization with everything they do and I want to thank NAMI for always providing services and educational material to better help understand and deal with bipolar disorder.

Remember, you are not your mental illness, it is just a part of you. Stay strong and don’t stop fighting.