Bipolar: The Story of My Life
Ever since I was little I wondered where life would take me.
The curves the turns the winding roads,
Grinding teeth in my sleep and silent moans.
Dreams that are both terrifying and pleasant.
Waking up sometimes not knowing what is present.
Psych meds that are on the shelf.
Taking them make me feel like I’m not myself.
Chaos and torment haunt me from day to day.
Not knowing what thoughts are going to lead or stray me away.
Away from the madness and depression.
Driving me crazy day after day.
Nobody will understand what I go through unless they walk in my shoes.
Those that do self medicate themselves with drugs and booze.
I stay away from those things because they are not what I do.
If you dare, try to walk for a day in one of my shoes.
One shoe will give you a small taste of the madness I live with every single day.
So don’t try to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
Doctors try to give me all these different kinds of meds they say will help with the pain.
They don’t realize that it does nothing but help me gain.
Gain weight and self consciousness.
What I want is at least one day of happiness, not helplessness.
Doctors - don’t try to understand what goes on in my mind.
Because in the end, you are all just blind.
Blind to the things I really go through and see.
Not seeing what I go through and try my best to be me.
Telling you about my problems is just another way for you to judge me and my mental health.
When I know your main benefit for it is to just bring you more wealth.
You may have gone to school for this profession.
Well, what goes on in my mind is in my possession.
Don’t try to medicate me with all this therapy and unecessary pills.
All it does is rack up more bills.
I’m not saying that the drugs and therapy are bad.
It’s just that there are so many of those who are either over-medicated or under-medicated that makes me really sad.
The stigma from those that judge the mentally ill brings us indescribable pain.
They sure as hell don’t have anything from it to gain.
Being in the psych ward is absolute hell.
No one to trust and forced to tell.
To participate in group and get along with the hospital staff.
If the tables were turned, the mentally ill would get the last laugh.
I never thought my life would end up like this.
So for those who know me, don’t be judgmental and diss.
Like me for who I am, not what I have.
Because I sure wouldn’t judge you if the tables were turned.
I don’t need to have those people in my life if they do because of all that I’ve learned.
Learned so much along the way.
Knowing when I need help when I start to stray away.
On September 9rd 2003, my doctor diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder I . (Bipolar II is mostly depression with some manic episodes. Bipolar I is full blown mania with little depression.
