How Hope Can Be Found When Life Seems Worthless
It’s been almost a decade. There have been voices, hallucinations and psychotic episodes. There have been moments where I did not know where I was, and moments of intense self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. There was a time when I was shriveled up to skin and bone, when I could not eat, and many times where my arms were covered in scars, and a clean piece of skin could not be found. There were times when I had been only seconds away from certain death.
My mental health journey began when I tried to poison myself at age six, and since then I’ve experienced almost everything- from psychotic episodes, anorexia, anxiety and self harm to suicide attempts.
After a series of suicide attempts this year, I was hospitalized and was forced to miss school, and was unable to do some of the things I loved.
My life had reached an all time low, and blinded by despair, I felt as if there was no point in fighting to stay sane when death was so much easier. For someone who had been sad their entire life, it was hard to imagine what feeling worthwhile was like.
After years of tears and struggling, I came to a sudden realization- I had hit rock bottom, and the only way to go from there was up.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, and people ridden with mental illness are simply unable to see it. Some people have to wait months, while others have to wait years. But nonetheless, life will be worthwhile one day. You will no longer have to travel back and forth to the hospital. You will no longer have to fight a constant battle with your brain everyday. Soon, all this struggle will be worth it. That time is yet to come for me, and you as well, but when it does, you will be thankful for your perseverance because the smiles and memorable moments will make up for the tears and pain.
Just keep fighting and you will never fight alone.
-Nitya