My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

Keep reading

In August of 2019, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and my doctor recommended exercise to treat it.  This all started in 2005, when I was diagnosed with a postpartum mental illness and treated with medications that have known metabolic side effects.   My diagnosis was later changed to Schizoaffective Disorder.  Every time I’ve been taken off medication, I’ve gotten sick again, so I need the mental health medication, even though it has side effects.

My work provides the benefit of points towards a gym membership. So, I joined the gym after I learned about my diagnosis. As part of joining my gym, I had a free consultation visit with a personal trainer. At the end of the visit, we sat down, and he took out his notepad.

Keep reading

Hi uy I’m 26 years old I was young when I was diagnosed with ADHD and later on with manic depression and bipolar disorder soon after was labeled as schizoaffective disorder and I’ve learned how to cope with it over the years I would to go on tell you my hole story.

Hello! My name is Jacqui. I am 27 years old. I am contacting you today because I was told I should share my success story to help others on their journey. 

Keep reading

What I’ve learned from having mental illness

1. Like everyone else, I am vulnerable. I cannot do anything on my own. Every moment I depend on God for giving me the health(mental and physical) to live at the moment. Knowing that you are vulnerable makes you grateful to God for giving you the moment, the health, and the strength to live.
2. Sacrificial Love. I have learned to love others even when it is difficult. When I’m at work and I show love and kindness to someone even when I feel bad, it is a sacrificial love that I’m showing. I may want to show frustration or go home but I try not to because of love for others. Jesus showed us the ultimate sacrificial love by giving his life on the cross. We like Jesus must show love by sacrifice, which may mean being by showing others love even when it is inconvenient. When we suffer, have pain, and make the choice not to get bitter and show love instead, we then have turned pain in to a sacrifice and a gift to give to God.
3. Dealing with pain. When we feel pain, we have a choice. We can either get bitter and pass that pain on to others by being unkind, or we can say “The pain stops with me.” We can add to the pain in the world or we can refuse to add to it.

Keep reading

          Hi.  My name is Christy Johnson.  I am 30 years old, and I live in Arizona.  I am a wife, and hope to be a mother someday soon.  My husband, Jaron, is the center of my life.  As well as my Heavenly Father.  I am LDS (Mormon) and my faith keeps me going, when nothing else will.  You see, I have Schizoaffective Disorder.  I was diagnosed at age 21 (about 9 years ago), and since then, my life has been rather difficult at times. 

          When I first started showing symptoms of my illness, I was in a very bad place.  I was so depressed, and when I wasn’t laying around the house feeling hopeless (or simply feeling nothing at all), I was having audio and visual hallucinations. I was a cutter as well.  Every time I got upset, or just wanted to feel something besides the emotional pain, I would hurt myself in any way that I could.  At one point, I tried to commit suicide. My friend caught me and saved my life.  I was hospitalized so much in that first year or so than I can even count.  At one point I had a 6 month stay at a Behavior Health Center.  Luckily, I don’t have much of a memory of most of the time I spent in the hospital, because I was in such a horrible state of mind.  When I wasn’t in the hospital, I still had many hallucinations, and voices in my head.  I often listened to those voices that told me to do things I shouldn’t do.  It was just miserable for me and everyone around me.

Keep reading

Mental illness has been a part of my life for the past 30 years.  There have been many ups and downs.  There have been times I was hopeless and wanted to die.  Mental illness has even consumed my life at times.  Even so, mental illness does not define me.  I am more than schizoaffective disorder, depression, and bipolar 2.  I am not ashamed to have these disorders.  But I am also more than a label.  I am a unique person who happens to have a mental illness.  I do, however, understand that these labels are important, since they are used in giving the doctors direction in the best treatment for me. 

Having a mental illness has been the worst and best thing to happen to me.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  It has disrupted my life.  It has caused much pain for me and my family.  And it has moved me to the point of almost taking my own life.  Yet, having a mental illness has taught me many things about myself and about life.  I have learned that joy can be found in the simplest of things.  Every day is a day to start over and begin again.  I have seen more love and compassion from family and friends than I may have never seen otherwise.  I am more capable than I would have ever imagined to stand up to the hardest of life’s challenges.   Perseverance has become my friend.  And faith leads to healing for mind, body, and soul.

This thing we call life throws things at us sometimes that can overwhelm us and push us to our limit.  It dangles hope in front of us sometimes, only to jerk it away in an instant.  And just at the moment we think we have it figured out along comes a curve ball in the form of unforeseen relapses and occasional hospitalizations.  Mental illness has robbed me of many years of productivity and happiness.  But it has also led me to where I am today.  And that is a good place.  It is a place that I never dreamed I would be.  I am blessed with a wife who loves and understands me and a son who loves me unconditionally.  I have a sense of purpose and a desire to help others who are living with a mental illness. 

Yes, having a mental illness takes away so much from people.  However, learning to live life with a mental illness can give a new sense of meaning and purpose.  Finding this meaning and purpose is a process that takes time and patience.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  And discovering meaning in the pain of mental illness won’t come overnight. 

I believe that real meaning in life can be found in the quality, not quantity, of life that we have.  Because, of the treatment I have received and the help of many caring people I am able to experience the quality of life that escaped me for many, many years.  Now, I am convinced there is a purpose for my pain.  My life has meaning.  And, hope, is a common word in my vocabulary.  There is hope.  There is always hope.  Mental illness does not define me.  It is not who I am.  It is something I am learning to live with and overcome every day.  By the grace of God, my future is bright.  And I am determined to shine the light of hope on others who may also be living with a mental illness. 

In the year of 2016 I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder on top of the ADHD disorder I already had. Many people with the schizoaffective disorder most likely either see, hear and/or both as well as go into a manic or severe depression state. Well with me I see, hear, and speak, do not attempt, to spirits. I also go a little crazy when it comes to my disorder. As if ADHD wasn’t enough the doctors diagnosed me with the schizoaffective disorder. So dealing with one is bad enough let alone both. I will let you know now that being schizoaffective you will have good days and bad, as with anything else. Just don’t let it get you down like I used to do. I used to just sit around doing nothing when I was younger. Now, instead of sitting around worried that an attack could happen at anytime, I would use my mental illness to my advantage. I would go and if I had an attack I would go help someone with something or do something productive. Either way I am telling you to use your mental illness to your advantage by keeping productive. If you be productive no one will realize that you have an illness. So whatever is a good way of showing your illness who is boss then I recommend doing it. So my challenge for those dealing with any mental illness is to overcome the torment of people saying your mentally unstable and just tell yourself and them that you’re not unstable you’re just specially advanced.

And I knew I wasn’t right 

So I planned on going that Friday night 

And I knew I wasn’t okay

Making it the perfect place for me to stay 

See, for most, a mental hospital isn’t a choice 

It’s one of those things where you are left without a voice 

Brought there suddenly against your will

Then before you know it, you are given a bunch of random pills 

But for me, it was where I was supposed to be

Keep reading