I have a mental illness. I have decided to name my self when I joined the peer advocacy counsel. I decided to dedicate myself to advocacy. Before that I had a diagnosis but that didn’t affect me. I could call myself as a normal person that takes “psychotropic” medicine and receive supplementary income from the government. But to apply myself to advocacy is different. One need not say one is “disabled”. There is a slight gap between “disabled” and “advocate”. “Disabled” is to accept that one is under stigma. I do not see myself under any stigma. I only see the society and ask why do people see us differently? There is no one definition for Mental illness. Definitions are given by rationality of the society. Mental illness, alas, defies “rationality”. But with our effort we can change the society to accommodate the mental ill. But the mental health community can understand better by engage in reading the mental ill’s narrative. (So much for philosophizing.)
My father was a Japanese Engineer that worked on the Space Station project. My mother was an unusual intellect (a third generation Italian) that lived through Japanese. I also had a brother who was involved with computers from younger age.
I was a nervous type. Sometimes strong and sometimes weak. Sometimes with friends sometimes alone. I wanted to become a scientists. Then a physicists. Then a mathematicians. When I graduated from highschool I went to MIT. But I was no interested in math anymore. And I was becoming to recognize my mentally ill symptoms. I thought, perhaps psychology will cure me. Not so. I was hospitalized. So I dropped out. Then I went to a small liberal arts collage in Sarasota FL. Here I realized there are more knowledge than Science. There is philosophy. But I thought I was cured from mental illness. Stop taking my medicine. End of the story in FL. I was landed down in a day treatment program. But my pursuit of knowledge was not over. I have written over hundred of booklets (a lot of poor writing. But some where good.) And my room is full of philosophy books.
Then I lived with my parents. I wasn’t all that excited with my math classes and I took philosophy classes. In 2003, I graduated from GMU with a BA in mathematics. There was a block, I don’t remember. I was recording a lot of music and composing. And a lot of drawings, reading and writing. I was part of pathways residential program. I also formed a philosophy group. Then I got a job at SAFEWAY as a courtesy clerk part time for seven years. It was difficult because I didn’t know well the name of the products. And I am nervous around customers. While working at SAFEWAY I studied philosophy. I got a degree in philosophy and I was happy. I decided to form a philosophy group. That was a lot of work.
I am moving from one pathways apartment to another. Change is most of the time hard. But most of the time good. I have seen the new apartment. It has nice space.