I live with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and I had a big depression months ago, which I’m dealing with now again, but it’s more like depressive phases now. I have therapy since 2 years ago and it really helped me and still. I also did cut myself before, when I was depressed, and I had suicidal thoughts. Sometimes, when I’m in a depression phase, all I wanna do is cut myself, or kill myself, and I thought about suicide before. But I stay strong and I keep fighting my demons and my negative thoughts. When I started developpe anxiety disorder, few years ago (like 4), I was stressed all the times, I had a sort of social anxiety, which I have not really anymore now, and I became really shy, and I had lost confidence in myself. Also I threw up of stress (so I have medication for that), and I had eczema (still but less). Because of depression and anxiety I ate a lot and, God thanks, I’ve take “only” around 5 kilos. That’s a lot for me, because I thought I was fat and ugly, but I could take mooore so I’m thankful for that. I can do sport and eat better to lost that weight in like 2 months, so I’ll start leaving more healthy.

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I live with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and I had a big depression months ago, which I’m dealing with now again, but it’s more like depressive phases now. I have therapy since 2 years ago and it really helped me and still. I also did cut myself before, when I was depressed, and I had suicidal thoughts. Sometimes, when I’m in a depression phase, all I wanna do is cut myself, or kill myself, and I thought about suicide before. But I stay strong and I keep fighting my demons and my negative thoughts. When I started developing anxiety disorder, few years ago (like 4), I was stressed all the times, I had a sort of social anxiety, which I have not really anymore now, I became really shy, and I had lost confidence in myself. Also I threw up of stress (so I have medication for that), I had eczema (still but less), and before, I had panic attacks. Because of depression and anxiety I ate a lot and, God thanks, I’ve take “only” around 5 kilos. That’s a lot for me, because I thought I was fat and ugly, but I could take mooore so I’m thankful for that. I can do sport and eat better to lost that weight in like 2 months, so I’ll start leaving healthier. Anyway, there is a lot of other things that happened to me, and I’m only 14. Sometimes I tell myself I’m young and everything start when I was between 10 and 12 years old, and that all ruined my life. But now I’m well aware, and I’ll not give up. I’m also sooo thankful to my idol Demi Lovato who has helped me a lot, because of all she’s been through. I’m recovering today. The advice that I can give you are to have a healthy land happy life, think less negatively and more positively listen to “recovery” by James Arthur, “who you are”, by Jessie J and all the songs of Demi Lovato (especially “warrior” and skyscraper"). Don’t be ashamed to ask for help if you need to.

Hi.  My name is Charles, and I am a depressive. My particular variant of depression is known as chronic severe depression combined with a depressive personality. In short, I live with depression daily, and have done so for most of my life. Notice I did not write that I “struggle” with depression. Being in some sort of depressive state is my normal. Most of my friends and acquaintances don’t know I have depression because after fifty-plus years of living with it, I have become quite adept at hiding it. Most people who “know” me would describe me as a charming, witty, social fellow of good cheer. A small number of close friends have seen me depressed, and only my family have ever seen me in a prolonged, major depressive state. 

What I do struggle with (and therefore one of the reasons I hide my depression from others) is trying to convey to non-depressives the difference between being depressed and having depression, as well as what it is like to live with depression. In my response to Chris’s most recent ECT post, I likened the difference to the difference between fog and smog: the former is a natural, temporary occurrence that does no permanent harm, while the latter is a chemical process that blinds and chokes you, leaving you unable to function.

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I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I have been treated for it for about 20 year’s.  With trying MANY different medication’s over the year’s has been a VERY depressing in itself.  After being depressed for a full year (which was horrifying) my doctor who I had seen for about 17 year’s and had tried MANY different meds finally talked to me about trying a older antidepressant (MAIO).  There can be many side effect’s if you eat and drink certain thing’s.  After being on this med for about 2 week’s I began to feel better and I have continued to take this med now for about 2 year’s.  I have had episode’s with depression and anxiety within these two year’s due to dealing with my Dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and had to watch him slip away right in front of my own eye’s until his death a couple of week’s ago.  Now I have to deal with my Mom who is 75 and in bad health.  I never thought these day’s would come where I lose my parent’s and it is VERY had for me to deal with it.  I continue to take my meds and I have reached out to NAMI to attend the group’s that they offer.  I just finished my first group session and will continue to attend future group’s to get the support I need to deal with my illness.  I have ask my husband to attend a family to family group. He ask me what it was for and I explained to him it is a group for the family of someone who has mental illness to learn more about the illness.  He said you don’t have a mental illness.  I said to him yes I do the depression and anxiety that I go through is a mental illness  He didn’t act like he was interested in it so I just gave him the paper with the information of a up coming group for families and said to him if you want to go here is the number to call.  With MUCH surprise the same day I gave him the flier on a group that is for family to family he said he called and he would go to at least one group.  I hope he attends some of the group’s so he can learn what I am going through and how to support me and how to deal with my mental illness.  If not that is his choice but I WILL continue to go to the different group’s that NAMI offer’s for support for myself.  Thank you for listening to my story.  I hope people out there with a mental illness search until they get the help they need.  NAMI is a GREAT support group.

I had my first depressive episode when I was 25, a mother of a 2yo and in a difficult marriage. My husband had MS, I was self-employed in a new business and things were tight. I woke up one morning feeling as though I had the flu. I just felt out of sorts but this was different somehow. I didn’t get better and I began to feel the worst anxiety. I developed obsessive thoughts of death and that I somehow didn’t love my son. I could barely concentrate on work and home life was impossible. I only pulled out my happy face for my little boy.

I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression. What relief! To finally have an answer and medication that would cure me! I was naive, of course. Over the next 25+ years I have had periodic recurrent episodes, none of which are predictable and certainly not easy. However, over the years I have learned so much about myself and have come to realize that each episode teaches me new ways of dealing with my life. I’m not saying I’m glad I developed depression. 

Do I wish I didn’t have to deal with this disorder? Absolutely!  But I think it is something that has taught me more about compassion, assertiveness, and taking care of business than anything else I have gone through. Depression is an illness. I didn’t cause it. I didn’t ask for it. And I don’t deserve it. But it’s here and the best I can do is learn from it, share my story and hope that I can give inspiration and hope to others who are going through it.

I am a normal person. I am a mother, wife, social worker, professional. I have family and friends in my life, just like everyone else. My depression defines me, but only when I am depressed. I am now in recovery but the past year has been filled with a suffering that is not always easy to put into words. When my husband and I ended a year of unsuccessful fertility treatments to give our daughter a sibling, I ended up with depression. This was not the first time I have suffered from it yet I still was in denial for several months.

I see depression as an invisible illness. It starts slowly and eases itself into one’s psyche. It builds on itself and takes over one’s mind and body. As my appetite diminished and my ability to sleep became limited, my physical body began to suffer. As I wrestled with my demons in therapy, I tried medication after medication to ease my mind. The result was only more suffering, from negative side effects.

Depression is an illness that can be sneaky, cunning and intrusive. As it builds on itself, your suffering is not even apparent to you. As I became more ill, I was unaware of how sick I really was. Those around me could see it, but I was blinded by the illness. There was no perspective, no light at the end of the tunnel. I was receiving top notch treatment but it was not enough.

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Teenage depression and suicide rates have been increasing in the recent years. In 2007 to 2017, the number of suicides among people ages 10 to 24 suddenly increased by 56 percent. So clearly depression is a real issue. Also only around 40% of teens who have had a depressive episode have received treatment. In order to prevent suicide and undiagnosed depression, teenagers need to be aware of the signs. This is where many schools fail. A lot of schools don’t go very in depth when talking about signs of depression and how to cope. Even more importantly, teenagers need to know how to find a support system so that they don’t find themselves in a very bad place. Support systems can come from a lot of places, the best being supportive friends and most importantly, supportive parents. But sadly many teens don’t have these things. That's why places like this website are great. All in all, schools need to have better education on depression so that teens don’t feel so alone and afraid.    

For awhile I have wanted to write this, but I was too afraid too. I decided to because people around are sharing their stories and I admire them for it because they bring awareness and say to others struggling that they aren’t alone. I hope that mine will do the same, this is my story with mental health.
I have changed both physically and mentally throughout the almost twenty years of my life. I learned to grow and sometimes even laugh at some of the mistakes I have made. I can laugh at a mistake, but also be caught up in it and overthink it. I was an odd kid in middle school, I’ll admit it. After I did something stupid for attention, when I was thirteen, I instantly regretted it. People would talk about me and what I did, but they didn’t know that I really regretted it. I couldn’t control what they were saying about me, but there was something that I could control. That is when my eating disorder and obsession with my weight developed.

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Living with depression is 100% draining. There’s days when I am completely fine. Then other days where I’m so depressed I don’t get out of bed. If I try to explain to my parents what’s wrong they just reply “go to sleep” or “you have nothing to be depressed about.” Sometimes we don’t need a reason to be depressed and it could be random and out of nowhere. For me, when I get depressed, I’m “stuck”. I’m trapped and can’t get out of that state of mind. For a while, I thought I was getting better but the truth is? I’m getting worse and I don’t know what to do or who to tell because no one understands so I turn to self harm. It’s so emotionally and physically draining. I’ve been dealing with this for three years and I can’t seem to get at least a little better.

My name is Pamela Reay. I was born on July 30th, 1968 at 3:17am. I have been suffering from Chronic Major Depressive Disorder ever since.

I am a fighter, warrior, seeker, advocate, sufferer, friend, and animal lover.

As I start this page, May 7th, 2016, I am 47 years old. I was officially diagnosed with depression at 18. I was suicidal and had no idea why I felt the way I did. When the doctor told me I should start going to therapy (a psychologist), I was completely baffled. I knew nothing about depression, or mental illness. As far as I was concerned, my life was the same as everyone else’s. This is where my journey started.

Therapy saved me, and it also opened up a can of worms that I didn’t know existed. I learned so much about myself, my background, and what was and wasn’t “normal”. I stayed in therapy for approximately two years – thinking I had it all figured out.

Fast forward to the age of 25. I had gone through a breakup and spiraled down into the same horrific feelings I felt at the age of 18. I called my psychologist from years before, and again, started therapy. It was also recommended that I talk to a psychiatrist about anti-depressants. My gut reaction was “I’M NOT CRAZY!!!!” I was so miserable, I went to the psychiatrist, and was put on medication. Within two weeks I felt a calm inside of me that I had never felt before in my life. Not euphoria, not delusion – just a sense of “life is okay”. It took me almost no time at all to figure out that this is what normal people must feel, and began to wonder if I had been depressed my entire life.

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