Hello,

I am a sufferer of mental illness. I have a very long drawn out story that starts when I was about 12 and gets worse as I grew up. I am 29 now and still battling my mental illness. It is something that is not without great challenges. But it can be done. I am writing this because I want others in my position to have hope and faith that this is not the end of the line. Mental illness does not make me or anyone else a bad person. It just means that we are a little different and our brains work a lot differently than the rest of the world. I suffer from a host of mental illnesses. I started out with depression, progressed into bi-polar and then slid on down to PTSD after growing up with an emotionally abusive mother and then spending 10 years in an abusive relationship. Moving on I was further diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. The type of OCD I suffer from is a little different than what most people think about when they hear this label. I don’t suffer from the compulsive so much as the obsessive. The intrusive thoughts are probably the worst part of my mental illness. Depression makes me want to sleep all day and the PTSD makes me want to scream at everyone in rage and the anxiety makes me shake in fear and want to crawl into a hole. But the intrusive thoughts make me feel like a prisoner in my own mind. And that in my own opinion is the most unfair part of what I deal with on a daily basis. I have learned many techniques to cope and I guess you could call them survival skills. Because that’s what people with mental illness are forced to do. They must survive day to day. Because we are all prisoners on our own minds and it is undeniably debilitating. It is a constant battle to make it from the time we get up each day until we go back to bed. But I am here to tell you that you are not alone. There are many other people that suffer along with you. You are not the only person feeling the way you do. Have hope, have faith. You can and will get through this. And there are many organizations that can and will help. You just have to pick up the phone and make the call. And this wonderful website is filled with information on how to take that first step. You can do it! Never give up. Even the darkest hour only has 60 minutes.

Remember you are not define by your mental illness. Your hope becomes your recovery. Your strengths and positive coping strategies empower your destiny to recover.

Recovery is possible if you believe that you are not your diagnosis. The road to recovery is not easy. Hope, strength, support, determination, and education on mental illness can help an individual with a mental illness recover so that they can live a productive and gratifying life in their community. Some individuals with mental illness can work, attend and graduate from college, buy a home, and have families.

Hope equals maintaining a mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy lifestyle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Mental Illness Blues
by Ethan Hutchins, October 10, 2017

    Having a major mental illness is very challenging! To those of you who face similar struggles as me, I hope this essay gives you a sense of comfort knowing that other people relate to your struggles.  If you feel intense symptoms, please seek help and find someone to talk with so that you don’t have to go through it alone.  To those of you without mental illness, I hope this essay shows how hard our lives are so that you will have more compassion and empathy for us.
    Many people experience a few minor mental health symptoms during their lifetimes, but luckily for them, the symptoms go away and allow them to continue living their lives undisturbed.  On the other hand, some of us are stuck with the type of major mental illness which overwhelmingly interferes with our lives.  It is hard to concentrate while our emotions and minds race around much busier than the average person’s.  We might be sitting still, but we are kept busy working hard to calm our minds or emotions in order to feel contentment or comfort.  It’s as if we are fighting an internal battle.  Mental illness is an invisible disability that isn’t as obvious as missing a leg or an arm. The symptoms drain our energy and make it hard to work full time jobs.  Some onlookers who lack compassion see our lack of energy and think that we are being lazy, but this is not true.  Trust me: it is exhausting (both mentally and physically) to struggle so much! Imagine what this must be like! When physical sickness strikes us, we become even more debilitated.  For instance, having a common cold on top of depression can make it extremely hard to get out of bed or to feel the slightest joy. 

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I try to volunteer every year, not only to help others, but because I, myself, have a mental illness. I probably will have it a long time so I try to stay positive. I can’t always do that, but I have faith and the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) gives me power not to give up.

This poem was  inspired by the struggle  with mental illness and the subsequent recovery of a young woman very dear to me.

I’ve always wanted to express my love and support for her and let her know that she’s been in my heart and  mind every step of the way.  This is a message of hope for her and for anyone struggling with mental illness.

Here is a song for you, my beautiful girl

A song for a rare, delicate pearl

You’ll always be Mom’s and Dad’s baby doll

So never fear a tall wall

Above the dark clouds, the sky is always blue

A beautiful rainbow will always come through

The moon is bright in shadowy nights and

Stars sparkle, like precious stones, far in the heights

If you close your eyes and stretch your hand

You’ll be able to catch one of them

Catch it and carry it with you, so you’ll never be blue

Let that light brighten your spirit

Let it be the key that will set you free

Free from worries, free from fears

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Hello, my diagnosis is schizo-affective disorder, and even though I suffer from a severe mental illness, and struggle with some of the symptoms, I still see hope, everyone has been supportive and fully understanding, so if anyone who is living or coping with mental illness out there if you walking through hell right now, keep walking, it will get better I promise.

Mental illness has been a part of my life for the past 30 years.  There have been many ups and downs.  There have been times I was hopeless and wanted to die.  Mental illness has even consumed my life at times.  Even so, mental illness does not define me.  I am more than schizoaffective disorder, depression, and bipolar 2.  I am not ashamed to have these disorders.  But I am also more than a label.  I am a unique person who happens to have a mental illness.  I do, however, understand that these labels are important, since they are used in giving the doctors direction in the best treatment for me. 

Having a mental illness has been the worst and best thing to happen to me.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  It has disrupted my life.  It has caused much pain for me and my family.  And it has moved me to the point of almost taking my own life.  Yet, having a mental illness has taught me many things about myself and about life.  I have learned that joy can be found in the simplest of things.  Every day is a day to start over and begin again.  I have seen more love and compassion from family and friends than I may have never seen otherwise.  I am more capable than I would have ever imagined to stand up to the hardest of life’s challenges.   Perseverance has become my friend.  And faith leads to healing for mind, body, and soul.

This thing we call life throws things at us sometimes that can overwhelm us and push us to our limit.  It dangles hope in front of us sometimes, only to jerk it away in an instant.  And just at the moment we think we have it figured out along comes a curve ball in the form of unforeseen relapses and occasional hospitalizations.  Mental illness has robbed me of many years of productivity and happiness.  But it has also led me to where I am today.  And that is a good place.  It is a place that I never dreamed I would be.  I am blessed with a wife who loves and understands me and a son who loves me unconditionally.  I have a sense of purpose and a desire to help others who are living with a mental illness. 

Yes, having a mental illness takes away so much from people.  However, learning to live life with a mental illness can give a new sense of meaning and purpose.  Finding this meaning and purpose is a process that takes time and patience.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  And discovering meaning in the pain of mental illness won’t come overnight. 

I believe that real meaning in life can be found in the quality, not quantity, of life that we have.  Because, of the treatment I have received and the help of many caring people I am able to experience the quality of life that escaped me for many, many years.  Now, I am convinced there is a purpose for my pain.  My life has meaning.  And, hope, is a common word in my vocabulary.  There is hope.  There is always hope.  Mental illness does not define me.  It is not who I am.  It is something I am learning to live with and overcome every day.  By the grace of God, my future is bright.  And I am determined to shine the light of hope on others who may also be living with a mental illness. 

May is Mental Illness Awareness Month.  Each year it brings up memories that I have tried to forget for over 40 years.  This year I am tearing down the walls I’ve built around my mental illness memories and cycles of suffering.  This year I am being vulnerable and engaging in a conversation about the shame and stigma around mental illness by sharing my personal story with you. 

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There is hope. I never thought in a million years that I would feel normal again and not depressed. I just knew depression would be the death of me. I saw no hope. Today I’m happy, not depressed feel normal again. Not crying, not staying in bed all day I feel like a new person. I just want to encourage people with a mental illness that it does get better. Keep fighting!!!!!

Some say that faith and Mental Illness are like oil and water. If you have enough faith, they say, you will never have mental Illness. I have both anxiety and depression. I believe that faith can act as a guide to help you seek treatments and therapy. Let me be clear here. Whether you pray to a higher power or meditate, or do both, pick among a set of behaviors that might set your mind beyond your pain. You are valuable to this world, even when you are just standing still. My meds and therapy are gifts from God. They help me see the world with greater clarity and with less rumination over how this person or other hurt me. I am not scared about doing my job. I have earned degrees and have gone on to teach what I learned. The time is now to give up on stubbornness. How much time have you wasted? My main message is for you to seek help, especially when you exercise your faith. You are stronger than you think.