I am only three or four years old in my first memories of anxiety. I am also these ages when I start learning from my parents that this is not an acceptable way to act or to think. And so began my lifelong struggle with anxiety, hypochondria, OCD, social anxiety, eating disorders and general confusion about why I am the way I am.

Anxiety and depression are not strangers to my family, but from the beginning it was shameful to talk about. I suffered in relative silence for 18 years, only reaching out for help when things got so bad that I couldn’t keep them inside.

In college, I made the choice to see a therapist and have never looked back. In the intervening six years, a lot has changed. I have not been able to completely overcome my daily struggles, but things are getting better and I know they will continue to do so. I do not hide the fact that I am in counseling. I talk openly about my story and I encourage others to seek out the help they need.

It is not our fault that we deal with these mental struggles. We are simply a product of our circumstances. But, we hold the power to change our own lives and the lives of others by getting the help we need and working to change the image around mental health. We don’t have to be victims of our circumstances. We are stronger than that.

Dear anxiety, when you came into my life you destroyed my peace, you disrupted my joy and damaged opportunities that came into my life. Dear anxiety, how much longer will I have this fight, how much longer will you torment me at night, how much longer will I grasp for air as you sit on my chest and choke the life out of me. 

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Anxiety is something I have had for most of my life. It took me almost 18 years to realize it, but I have always struggled with anxiety. People demonized my anxiety for a lot of my life, which always made me feel as if there was something wrong with me. I struggled to build relationships with others and was constantly worried about what people thought of me. I was a “people pleaser,” always struggling to say no to people because I did not want to lose the friends I had. I feel like I was stuck in a box emotionally, like I can’t be myself and I can’t be happy. It’s hard for me to talk about my anxiety with my loved ones as well. 

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Hi all ! (: My name is Carly and I am 22 years old. Ask me what life is like without anxiety and I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Some of us develop anxiety over time and then there are those of us, like myself who came out of the womb anxiety ridden. Anxiety is all I know. I have struggled with anxiety since I was a child up until now. I felt alone and out of place, almost like I was in my own separate world. I was always shy as child and felt fear no matter where I was. At a young age I was unable to communicate how I was feeling and everyone just saw me as the shy kid. My mom believed that since I was so young this was just a phase and I would eventually grow out of it. As I got older my anxiety became more apparent.

Once second/third grade rolled around I was struck with panic. I was constantly crying and resisting to go to school. I was too worried to leave my mom’s side and when I was forced to go to school I would always end up in the nurse’s office trying to convince her that I needed to go home. My mom finally came to terms that my behavior differed from other kids my age and my doctor recommended I see a therapist.

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I have dealt with social anxiety disorder, PTSD, and major depression.

I promise it gets better. Every day keep trying, even if it’s something as small as stepping outside your door and looking around and saying “hi” to the people you see outside.

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I’m Amanda; I’m 20 years old and have wonderful jobs, possibly lifelong careers, as a chef and photographer. I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Severe Depression, severe anxiety, social anxiety, and Inattentive type ADD. I currently suffer from all of the above, and a few new things/symptoms.

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            I have Bipolar 2 disorder and when it comes to symptoms often I hear mania and depression talked about, but little discussion on anxiety. For me, anxiety is a large part I have to manage in living with Bipolar 2. Symptoms started to appear when I was 12 years old and with it being twenty years since I have lived with anxiety day in and day out and it can be very hard to manage. Throughout the years I have had some tough anxiety attacks where I have become so overwhelmed by the anxiety I feel as if I am overtaken by the sheer pain as I start to cry, have trouble breathing, and feel like I do not even know where I am. It is embarrassing when at work and you feel like your whole world is crashing in around you and at the same time you are trying to just hold on enough so that people do not notice. So, I would run to the bathroom and cry until I felt like I could cry no more and come out and pretend as if nothing happened; trying desperately to get my breathing back on track so that people would not notice. Or I excuse myself from the dinner table and find a quiet place in a restaurant when out with friends, so again nobody notices. There were times I would not go out because I was afraid that I would have an anxiety attack and people would notice and I would be ashamed. Anxiety used to rise in me like water rises in a river. As it would happen I would desperately try gasping for air. For the longest time the anxiety managed me and I simply worked my life around it, but now I manage the anxiety.

            Throughout the past two years I have learned to manage my Bipolar better, along with my anxiety attacks. I have done this through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practices and Electrocunvulsive Therapy. Coping skills I now practice on a daily basis to keep the anxiety away that have worked for me are mindfulness practices and journaling. These skills have allowed me to release pent up feelings and keep my inner calm on a regular basis. As part of my mindfulness practices I use deep breathing. This practice is what truly saves me in the midst of an attack. Practicing deep breathing helps me center myself and focus on my breathing so I am no longer focusing on the overwhelming burden of thoughts that overtake my mind during an anxiety attack. In years past when the anxiety would set in, on top of all the other symptoms I mentioned, would come the avalanche of harsh thoughts. My mind would take me to scary cruel places that I felt like I could not escape. Now, with the deep breathing I have a way to escape the avalanche. So yes, I still have anxiety, but it no longer is the center of my world. I do not experience it on a daily basis.

            When anxiety does set in I am able to control it so that I rarely have full blown attacks. I no longer live with that river rising in me, desperately feeling the need to gasp for air. I breath freely every day enjoying what life has to offer. I feel it is important to address the symptom of anxiety so others out there who experience it know it does not have to consume your world. There are many treatment courses out there from professionals, one can seek if experiencing anxiety. Know you are never alone and there is always help!

Growing up, the only memories I have are of fear. Gut wrenching, stomach turning, anxiety. There is no memory that is not tainted with anxiety’s grasp. I have never not had anxiety. Even as a baby, my mother recounted the night terrors my brother and I would experience each night as a young baby. I have never known anything but the fear, the doubt, the intrusive thoughts, and the desire to please. It is ingrained in me so deeply to a genetic level, that I can never rid myself of it. However I can change it, but first, let me tell you what got me to the place I’m in today.

My father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Reactive Attachment Disorder. As little children, my brother and I learned to tiptoe around him. We feared him and his moods. He emotionally abused us, and I am scarred to this day because of it. One time, my mom left for a two day trip with her friends and we were locked in our rooms for hours without food and water, because we were “bothering” him. My mom never left us again after that.

Adding to the fact that mental illness runs in my family, this start to life was a set up for failure. When my mother divorced my father soon after, she took my brother and I to another state when I was 7 years old. We both started new schools and a new life essentially. The only people we knew were my cousins living there. There began another problem.

Initially my cousins were great to be around, but as I grew older, the cousin my age began to bully me. I was mercilessly teased and demoralized for years, unable to stand up for myself, but wanting to. This was during the time that I was in late elementary school/middle school. My brother and I were having to visit our dad due to court guidelines. My anxiety was getting bad. It was so bad at this point that I threw up each night before going to bed, because I didn’t want to face the next day and was worried about being able to sleep.

I was able to hold on for about two more years until I graduated from eighth grade and my brother finished high school. As a family, we decided to move to a different city. Where we were had so many bad memories and we wanted to get away from my cousins. We moved that summer and I started high school. I was a complete mess. There was not a time that I can remember where I was not panicking. Panicking about remembering my locker combination, getting to class on time, getting good grades, etc. The anxiety got so bad that I went to an inpatient behavioral health unit. After my one week stay, I never went back to that school.

Anxiety now officially ruled my life. I had tipped the scale and there was no going back. I spent so much time those days just crying in my closet or laying on my bed praying to die. My schooling was transferred online version and I was so isolated because I could not handle going out. Well, if it could get any worse, I started to get very sick. Things doctors could not figure out. I went from hospital stay to hospital stay, getting test after test, with no answers. I had become chronically ill. You can only imagine what this did to my anxiety and depression.

As I now began to battle my physical health, I had to battle my mental health right alongside it. I went on to complete three more inpatient behavioral health stays, each worse than the last. My brother was killed in a car accident in the middle of all of this, pushing back all progress I had made in therapy. That completely crushed me as well as losing 3 dogs in the span of two years around the time of his death. 

Where am I now? I am doing good. I have gone to therapy for years, have finally found a medicine cocktail that works for me, and am finding answers for my physical health. It took my sheer will to want to be better and the persistence of my psychiatrists to get to this point. I now choose to speak out about my experiences and to encourage others in the hope that no one would have to go through what I did. What have I learned? It takes time and a lot of it to get to the place where I am now, but it is completely possible. My anxiety is not gone. I still fight it on a daily basis, but now I actually know how to.

Hi, my name is Kari Smith. At the age of 33 I was hit with a severe case of anxiety. My main symptom was dizziness – I had no idea what was causing it at first until one day I had to call 9-1-1 because something felt very wrong. The paramedic who showed up on my doorstep was the first person to tell me that it was anxiety. I knew nothing about the condition so I didn’t understand how anxiety could be making me feel this way. Which is why I didn’t believe the paramedic at first. I thought something was seriously wrong with me and that anxiety had nothing to do with it. Boy was I wrong. I spent 3 years on medication and 3 years of feeling miserable and scared for my future. Fast forward 3 years later and I was able to get off medication and start my life over again. Once I learned more about the condition and I started working on my mental health, everything changed. In fact, looking back on everything I’m so glad that I went through this experience, because it helped me improve areas of my life that I was neglecting before. If your struggling with anxiety or depression, just know that it can get better. The most important thing that you can do is to get treatment early on. Anxiety can result in depression which is why getting your anxiety under control sooner than later can help you prevent it from turning into depression. Talk to someone, get on medication if you need to, and educate yourself on the illness, because that’s how you will be able to start working on the underlying issues. I hope you find the peace that you deserve in your life….I know how hard it can be living with anxiety. Don’t give up and know that you can recover from anxiety. 

I was driving home this morning from taking my husband to work, and on the radio was a DJ that I listen to every morning, saying that she “thinks” she had an anxiety attack. She proceeded to tell the public, on the radio show, that there wasn’t a difference between an Anxiety attacks, Panic attacks, or Anxiety in genera. Now, having dealt with Chronic Panic Disorder, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression for over 19 yrs, I found myself really disturbed by this “lumping” together of three totally different things. This got me thinking. To those of us who have dealt with these diseases, yes they are diseases, for many years, we become very protective over our mental health and find ourselves very upset when people talk about what they do not know. We’ve lived with this for such a long time, that we learn to stop fighting it, invite it in, and sit with it. 

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