I have spent the last two years trying to self help. I have limited resources right now, no insurance, and with a failing marriage, locked into an income that says I can afford help or insurance, but in truth I cannot. I know, self help in this area is not going to really finally solve this issue, whatever “it” is. I can only say I KNOW it is in simplest terms, lack of trust. I have two best friends (both more than 20 years) and yet there are aspects of my life I have never told them. I most certainly have never told anyone else. After a long and damaging marriage, I realized there was a terrible issue that wasn’t going to just go away. I needed out long ago, the marriage has only furthered the problem.

I WANT badly to  trust others, I want to know why I feel so disconnected from almost everyone, including my own mother, and deceased father. I used to fantasize I was adopted as to explain why I felt so detached and “different” from my family. This fantasy persisted for far too long, beyond childhood. A part of me knew this was not so, but another part of me held onto it, I just don’t understand why? I have raised three children, I feel I have done very well so much that when I essentially had a mild breakdown, they seemed perplexed that the sane woman they knew was acting in a way they felt was so wrong. I “acted out”, shocking them, and their response along with my husbands, I knew, cemented my knowledge that trust and unconditional love was something others experienced I have yet to.

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my name is nate.  I’ve been through a lot and seen my share. my wish is that I would love to tell all that are struggling with an illness is that we can beat it. with a strong mind and belief so powerful. I have found that was the one thing that got me headed in the right direction. it only takes a thought of change and the recovery is great. I think I have found a simple plan and would love to share.

My illness was first diagnosed as depression in 1998, but didn’t get chronic until 1999. I tried a combination of antidepressants from my family doctor, several weeks of therapy, and self help, but didn’t stick with treatment for long. Soon my wife noticed my symptoms swung to mania. I was in denial until one pivotal night when an argument with my wife, with my young sons present, escalated to the point of my wife threatening separation.

That was enough to break through the walls my mania had erected, and I sought treatment again. Early in 2002 I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. My specialist put me on herbals, which helped a little while. Then I went on a four month deployment as a Coast Guard contractor. The separation from my family and lack of treatment triggered another manic cycle. I went to the VA and was prescribed Tegretol. It helped, but my decision to take a job Dec 2003 with the Air Force contributed most to my improved mood.

After moving I made a grave mistake by not renewing my prescription. Things were good until 2008, when multiple changes at work and a missed promotion the previous year occurred. I gradually slipped into depression subtle enough that nobody around me noticed. By 2010, after I had been taking sick days about every 3-4 weeks, my wife noticed and asked if I was depressed. I denied it. In Oct 2010 I heard an officer in our unit recount his story of planning his own suicide, only to be saved by another officer. This prompted me to seek care again.

The St Louis VA staff prescribed meds for depression, despite my bipolar history. After a wonderful Christmas, I swung into a strong manic phase in January. The next three months were so bad that my wife and I threatened separation at least five times. A VA psychiatrist diagnosed me as having bipolar type 1, and sent me to the psychiatric ward, which was a nightmare. My wife came to get me after four hours, we explored private care options, and discovered a treatment center.

I self-referred  March 6 2011. At last I got the right combination of medicine and therapy! After 3 weeks at the treatment center, and another 8 months with a psychologist, I was back to “well”, and have been there ever since! I owe my life to my faith in God, my most amazing wife, and the wonderful staff at the treatment facility!

It was a bright, sunny afternoon when I decided to accompany my sister-in-law to one of the local NAMI In Our Own Voice presentations at the self-help center near where we lived. I was impressed by the courage of the two women who spoke. They shared the ups and downs of their lifelong struggle with mental illness. I couldn’t even begin to imagine myself standing up in front of a small group of people and sharing what I had been through with a diagnosis of depression and schizophrenia. Now, almost two years later, I am sharing my struggle with my mental health and the incredible experience I’ve had over the past twelve years.

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In time and with therapy, I understood that long term effects from childhood abuse and emotional abuse is a fact. I am 60 and am still trying to forgive. I have turned away from religion, and begin my healing process through exercise, reading self help books and quiet moments. Nami has steered me in kind social circles, and meetings. Hope is really there.

Hi –

I’m a survivor and I think graduate of very early childhood trauma. I wanted to share my story because I have a healthy life now and thought if you wanted one, you could benefit from my insights and experience.

My trauma happened before the age of three. I’m 42 now. I think the things that helped most were working every day and self-help books. There were two periods of time where I didn’t work for 2 months or less after hospitalizations.

By working, in sometimes not so great environments, I learned that I wasn’t the only one struggling, and even in some instances people had bigger problems than I did. Believe it or not, it eventually allowed me to figure out a large number of issues and helped my find myself. I think sometimes we get in to the thought mode that we’re the only ones who struggle or face challenges, and really, we’re not.

I’ve seen a number of therapists over time, but really the self-help books were a considerable help. Many are available used online, and though not all of them were good, most were.

And I really can’t say enough about exercise and diet. Exercise teaches you discipline and goal setting. Educating yourself about diet and eating properly can greatly enhance how you feel and function. So much of the processed food today actually works against our mental/emotional well being and station.

Well – that’s it.

As I sat there in the waiting room to be admitted to the inpatient unit my mind fluttered thinking how did I get here, why was I standing at this counter handing over everything I owned and kissing my husband goodbye to go to this scary and cold place. I was hoping this was the step in the right direction, to finally overcome and be healed.

Ever since a young age I suffered from anxiety and OCD. I never understood what was wrong with me, why couldn’t I be like everyone else? Why was I always so nervous and afraid over small things, little did I know this battle would continue on. I’ve seen it all Pure OCD, Hypochondriac, General Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression…you name it I have felt it. There were dark, dark days. I’ve tried medications, different therapies, books, online forums, anything to ease my soul I finally broke down and admitted myself into an inpatient unit, praying to find the cure. The battle is hard, but the battle is worth it. I know deep within my bones I am everyday closer to finding out the perfect way to manage my anxiety and OCD. I have no single doubt in my mind I will overcome. I’ve been there where many of you have been. There were days I didn’t want to leave the safety of my house for fear of everything in the outside world.

I am now on the vast road to recovery. I have dropped all medications and began natural ways of treatment that are proven just as effective. I see my therapist weekly for CBT sessions. I’ve found a great piece of literature that connects with what I’ve been through and what I am going through. There is positivity and I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel of anxiety.

My best piece of advice for anyone suffering with mental illness, keep fighting. I promise there will be bad days, but there will also be days so good you forget those bad. We have a purpose in this world, we need to rely on not only each other but trust in ourselves that things will get better.

Nobody said life would be easy, but I guarantee you…it’s so worth it.

Many Blessings XXX

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder in August 2014. I had a full blown manic episode, complete with weird and confusing things that I did that I will probably never forget. I have since recovered from this episode (therapy and drugs help), but continue to live with the disorder and manage it every day of my life. You are not alone. Love yourself and never forget your sense of humor.

First, let me start by saying if you are struggling with mental health, talk to someone. Friends, family, co-workers. I wish I had that courage when I first struggled. Now, my story. 

I was 17 years old when my self love diminished. Being sexually assaulted changed my last years of high school and college. I will not go into details of what happened to me, but I will say I thought the world was against me. Law enforcement was not supportive, my parents wanted to ship me away to my grandparents, and my high school peers thought I made the whole thing up. I feel into deep depression. I locked myself in my room, did not eat, cried 24/7, through family pictures against the wall, took part in self harm. I hated myself. Why? I guess looking back, it was because I blamed myself and confused help from others as being unheard. 

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Remain positive and strong, realizing that you are valuable. Surround yourself with self love and positive vibes.