NAMI - You are Not Alone — Ain't No Stig In This Ma

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Ain’t No Stig In This Ma

The reason I want to share my story is because I want to bring awareness to mental health and stop the stigmas. I want to promote positive outlooks for moms with mental illness. Not everyone is going to be the same just because they have the same diagnosis. And a diagnosis does not define someone.

I have been affected by mental health personally since my teenage years. I recently have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. When I read about BPD I thought it sounded pretty accurate and it was nice to feel like I new one of the answers as to why I was struggling. The parts of BPD that hit home the most with me were the criteria of the diagnosis stating that those with BPD have a hard time regulating emotions and also that they can struggle with finding purpose.

As a mom it makes me sad to realize I worry so much about purpose or think so much about what my purpose is, what my meaning is. Why can’t I feel like being a mom is enough meaning? Why isn’t being a good wife is enough purpose? The ruminating obsession with questioning what I should be doing and why constantly flows through my head.

During my recent hospitalization followed by an outpatient program I was dealing with multiple areas of mental illness. I’m also diagnosed with generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder. I was 6 months postpartum, a stay at home mom with my baby and her sister, my other daughter, who is 2. At the time I started to experience postpartum depression as well.

So there I was. Depressed, my mind won’t stop racing-everything is giving me anxiety, I don’t feel like being around my kids, I’m scared to be around them, I’m not taking care of them. Therefor I’m not being a mom. I don’t have a job; my kids were my job. And now I am trying to figure out what role BPD has played in my life and will continue to play in my life.  If things I did, ways I acted, were results of BPD or bad choices I made. What do I do now?

After being diagnosed I googled the chances of my little girls having the same diagnosis(s) that I had. It broke my heart to see the results and even think for a moment that they would ever have to experience the emotional pain I was feeling and had felt in the past. A part of me knows that is just life. They are my babies though and a little bit of me felt like if they did deal with mental illness it would be because of me.

My girls are a big reason why I’m alive today. Ever since I had them my self harm has nearly diminished. I can’t bear doing anything that I wouldn’t want them doing. I still have thoughts of it and thoughts of not being around but because of my girls I don’t think I could ever act on it. These aren’t thoughts that I want. They just happen, they are just there in my mind when I get upset. Telling me “that’s no way to think” or “why would you think that’s a good idea” or even just telling me “that’s not a good idea” DOES NOT HELP. I’m not dumb. I know that. If I tell you it’s because I’m just letting you know my current feelings, my state of mind. Thoughts that I didn’t choose. That I wish I didn’t have.

My girls make me realize who the person I want to be is; regardless of what might try to road block me. Like mental illness.

Some mornings I don’t want to get up. Would I want them to get up, yes…so I do. Somedays I don’t want to workout, shower, love myself and do things for me that are considered self-care. But do I want that for my girls…of course! I think they deserve to love themselves which makes me realize I need to love myself and take care of me too.

If my girls ever had a problem I would want them to seek help. So I seek help. I would want them to have support. I need to be here to support them and help show others how to support them.

It can be hard to advocate for yourself. It can come off as self-pity or just plain lazy to people like you don’t want to do things. So not only am I going to keep advocating for myself but I’m going to be there for my girls and advocate for them. Because these are feelings and thoughts I didn’t choose. They are the cards I was dealt and I’m gonna turn them into a winning hand.

I need to be the person I want my daughters to be. I’m their example. They are going to watch me and listen to me and learn my habits, my reactions to things, my love of things, and the things I neglect or hate. I have to be careful. I have to be grounded.

But it’s a process for me. It will be a process for them. If there are times I am not doing well I may ask for help so that someone else can take care of them and love them like I do when I need time to work on myself or do things for myself. They are important and so am I, so are you.

Medically speaking I may be or “have” certain illnesses. But I’m determined to make the world see and help other mother’s see that we can do it. We can stop the stigmas. There ain’t no stig in this MA. And you can quote me on that.

mental illness mental health inspiration hope coping treatment medication therapy recovery depression anxiety borderline personality disorder self-harm Support Faith stigma submission

See more posts like this on Tumblr

#mental illness #mental health #inspiration #hope #treatment #therapy #depression #anxiety #self-harm #submission #coping #medication #recovery #Support #Faith