A few months ago someone asked me if there was anything good about living with depression.  I answered the question but I must admit that I was stumped by it.  What could possibly be good about living with depression or any other mental illness? After all my mental illness has repeatedly pounded me into submission, driven me to my bed for days, and pushed me past the end of myself for thirty-nine years. I have struggled through the seemingly impossible task of finding a decent psychiatrist combined with the stressful experiential process of figuring out the correct medication regime, and cloudy thinking that is the hallmark of a mental health crisis. Then there is the stigma that continues to cloak many of my fellow mental illness road warriors with a shame that only impedes our healing.  The pain of living with a mental illness sometimes exacts a toll that is too high to pay. Viewed through this lens it would be reasonable to conclude that there is nothing good about living with depression or any other mental illness.  However, if nothing else living with depression has taught me to look beyond what seems reasonable or logical to my unquiet mind.  

I am a believer and person of faith.  As such I choose to view my mental illness through the Word of God.  Now I know that I lost some of you when I mentioned God and the Bible.  Before you stop reading, I implore you to consider the entirety of my post.  I urge you to take what speaks to you and leave the rest.

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Mental illness has been a part of my life for the past 30 years.  There have been many ups and downs.  There have been times I was hopeless and wanted to die.  Mental illness has even consumed my life at times.  Even so, mental illness does not define me.  I am more than schizoaffective disorder, depression, and bipolar 2.  I am not ashamed to have these disorders.  But I am also more than a label.  I am a unique person who happens to have a mental illness.  I do, however, understand that these labels are important, since they are used in giving the doctors direction in the best treatment for me. 

Having a mental illness has been the worst and best thing to happen to me.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  It has disrupted my life.  It has caused much pain for me and my family.  And it has moved me to the point of almost taking my own life.  Yet, having a mental illness has taught me many things about myself and about life.  I have learned that joy can be found in the simplest of things.  Every day is a day to start over and begin again.  I have seen more love and compassion from family and friends than I may have never seen otherwise.  I am more capable than I would have ever imagined to stand up to the hardest of life’s challenges.   Perseverance has become my friend.  And faith leads to healing for mind, body, and soul.

This thing we call life throws things at us sometimes that can overwhelm us and push us to our limit.  It dangles hope in front of us sometimes, only to jerk it away in an instant.  And just at the moment we think we have it figured out along comes a curve ball in the form of unforeseen relapses and occasional hospitalizations.  Mental illness has robbed me of many years of productivity and happiness.  But it has also led me to where I am today.  And that is a good place.  It is a place that I never dreamed I would be.  I am blessed with a wife who loves and understands me and a son who loves me unconditionally.  I have a sense of purpose and a desire to help others who are living with a mental illness. 

Yes, having a mental illness takes away so much from people.  However, learning to live life with a mental illness can give a new sense of meaning and purpose.  Finding this meaning and purpose is a process that takes time and patience.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  And discovering meaning in the pain of mental illness won’t come overnight. 

I believe that real meaning in life can be found in the quality, not quantity, of life that we have.  Because, of the treatment I have received and the help of many caring people I am able to experience the quality of life that escaped me for many, many years.  Now, I am convinced there is a purpose for my pain.  My life has meaning.  And, hope, is a common word in my vocabulary.  There is hope.  There is always hope.  Mental illness does not define me.  It is not who I am.  It is something I am learning to live with and overcome every day.  By the grace of God, my future is bright.  And I am determined to shine the light of hope on others who may also be living with a mental illness. 

Some say that faith and Mental Illness are like oil and water. If you have enough faith, they say, you will never have mental Illness. I have both anxiety and depression. I believe that faith can act as a guide to help you seek treatments and therapy. Let me be clear here. Whether you pray to a higher power or meditate, or do both, pick among a set of behaviors that might set your mind beyond your pain. You are valuable to this world, even when you are just standing still. My meds and therapy are gifts from God. They help me see the world with greater clarity and with less rumination over how this person or other hurt me. I am not scared about doing my job. I have earned degrees and have gone on to teach what I learned. The time is now to give up on stubbornness. How much time have you wasted? My main message is for you to seek help, especially when you exercise your faith. You are stronger than you think.

I try to volunteer every year, not only to help others, but because I, myself, have a mental illness. I probably will have it a long time so I try to stay positive. I can’t always do that, but I have faith and the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) gives me power not to give up.

Hi, my name is Janay Monique Matthews and I have so much to share to you about my own journey through mental illness and my other disabilities I was born with. When I was born, I had so many odds going against me. I was born with a neurological disorder, cerebral palsy, ADHD, a learning disability (dyslexia), and tremor in my left leg, seizures, and a hole in my heart but it closed up. With this, the doctors though that there was no hope and that I was not going to make it past age 12. I'm Black girl who grew up in poverty and abuse. My mother has the narcissistic personality disorder with bipolar and I was abused for many years and decades by her and many others. She favorites biracial people with their so called “good hair" and thus, I thought lowly of myself thinking that I was genetically inferior and wasn’t human or up to standard. I was also sexually abused for nearly 2 years from September 2004 to May 2006 by my godfather who died in cancer in December 2006. With all of this I was also bullied, teases, drowned, screamed, and yelled at harshly by kids and adults and some teachers didn’t have high expectations of me. Some doctors, psychologists, nurses and social workers thought very lowly of me too. With all the abuse that I endured at home, I ran away a few times and got caught to be sent to the hospital. I was first diagnosed with anxiety. After graduating college in May 2012, I was worried,

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            My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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The pain that’s associated with the diagnosis of a loved one with Mental illness, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Self Harm, Substance Abuse is and can be very stressful and depleting on the loved ones caring for the individuals with the diagnosis. I have learned from my experiences with my daughter that it takes a lot of Love, Patience and Compassion in order to be their support system which is not at all an easy task, for the simple fact that they perceive you to be against them in spite of you trying your hardest to help and support them. by the way i’ve experienced all these diagnosis with my daughter who was 17 when I began to see these behaviors began to unfold. She’s now 21 and have had many hospitalization and so many issues with staying out of trouble with the law as a result of making poor choices. The treatment options that was offered for her didn’t work because she wouldn’t participate unless she was in the hospital, so after she was released from the hospital the cycle would just repeat itself. There  were times when I didn’t know where to turn for help, I felt desperate so I would search for answers and resources on websites that’s designed for mental health just to find none or ending back to starting point. 

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I have known someone for over 30 years, and had no idea of the processing that takes place in the mind of someone dealing with mental illness. I watched the components of that life slowly begin to disintegrate, like the flower petals falling from a rose. I did not recognize the symptoms of depression. I was not aware of mental illness. I was critical, and insensitive, you were afraid and you needed me. You were more alone in my company than you have ever been by yourself.

Now, I know who you are, and who I am. I am the one who will stand by your side in good times and the tough times! I am the one who will believe in you, I will give you the chance to recognize that you can do things very well. I am the one who will cheer you on, by a text message or a phone call at sometime during your day. I am the one who will applaud your day to day efforts, you are an incredible person, and you have survived some major life challenges. I am the one who will give you the love and support you needed, the kind word, the warm smile, the knowing nod. I am the one to watch your smile in the sun, it is beautiful to see the backdrop of blue skies behind your smile. Know that I care for you and I only want the best for you, if those dark clouds ever reappear would you let me know, we can find a silver lining together because that’s what friends are for… 

Faith, by definition, means to have trust or confidence in someone or something. Or in my words, it means to have your eyes set, your focus unshakeable and to rest unafraid. When I picture a Christian who lives by faith, I see a woman or man bold, strong and unbreakable walking without fear, through whatever comes their way.

However, for a lot of us this isn’t what faith looks like most of the time, sometimes your faith looks more teary and swollen eyes, with a racing heart, holding on tight and waiting for the storm to pass. I find this to be especially true when I am in a season plagued by mental illness.

It’s being talked about more than ever before and it’s known as “an epidemic in our nation.” Yet, I find myself frequently confused about what it looks like to live with mental illness and to love the Lord “with all your heart, soul and mind,” in the midst of it. I have lived with mental illness, loved people with mental illness and worked at a psychiatric treatment center for kids struggling with mental illness.

But still, despite my extensive experience and knowledge about it, when I am faced with devastating circumstances or am in the midst of an episode, I still find myself saying to myself, “Everything happens for a reason, yes, this is all part of the plan! Life is an adventure, it’s all going to work out! Smile and get it together!”

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Many people suffer through depression every day. It is a very common mental illness. I like to compare it to a swamp of sticky asphalt.  Once you are in, you may never get out unless you are very strong. 

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