I remember being put on my first anti depressant at 12 and then after being very bad with it i was put on something else at 14.
I had an eating disorder by the age of 10.
At 18 i was told i was “depressive hardwired” … There was another term for it, but it basically boiled down to being genetically predispositioned to chronic depression.
I self harmed for the first time at 19.
I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder at 23.
I self harmed for the sixth time at 24.
At 26 i was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and all the fun stuff that comes with them.
I self harmed for the i-lost-count-time at 27.
I had CBT for six months (NHS only funds six months) when i was 27 ish. It helped me immensely in understanding and figuring out how to cope with certain situations and gave me options for when i was triggered to self harm.
During my CBT i was also assesed by the on-site psych team and it was determined i had borderline personality disorder and possibly Bipolar Disorder… But i was never assessed further for that.
After 6+ years solidly on anti depressants; now at 31 i’m not on any dedicated anti depressant tablets. Two of the medications for my Fibromyalgia have anti depressant qualities but dont do the “full job”, as it were.
This tattoo is inspired by a song (The spoon has nothing to do with the song). It’s by Avriel & The Sequoias and called Quarter Past Four. It says everything in it that i never found the words for, describes everything i’m feeling… And reminds me that no matter what, it turns out fine.
I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by an amazing support network; even if they can’t be physically with me they'e always on the other end of a text or phone call.
You won’t always be feeling perfect and positive and amazing… And that’s fine. You’re allowed. It doesn’t mean you failed at anything.
I still disassociate and have terrible executive function … They'e unhealthy coping mechanisms…. But i’m still coping.
A bump in the road doesn’t necessarily mean its a pothole or a sinkhole. You have to take one day at a time instead of thinking too far ahead.
You’ll get there & it turns out fine.


