Looking back i was about 12 when i first started to notice something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t everyday but i started to have a lack of motivation, a lack of motivation to go to school, to eat, to talk to people and sometimes to even get out of bed.

Slowly over 2 years i went up and down but once i hit 14 things only got worse. I didn’t understand why but just functioning like i used to wasn’t even possible. I would rock up to school and make my way around somehow but once i got home i could barely remember a single thing i’d done.I was somehow getting myself through exams. sports matches and some kind of social life.

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If someone looks at me they will say I have a perfect life. Maybe people will judge me here too when they read my story. I have a family who loves me and I have resources and treatment support.
I have had depression maybe my whole life but it really surfaced about 8 years ago due to a major traumatic event in my life.
I now feel numb, hopeless, no energy or motivation .Taking all these medications have made me unfeeling and apathetic. I feel I will never get better and this is just the way I am. Most of the people and their conversations are fake. I don’t feel connected to my nuclear family and this makes me feel guilty.I just feel drained of energy. The only thing which gives me some hope are my three children. My two daughters also take medication for depression and anxiety and I feel it’s my fault I don’t know what else to say. I even feel drained writing this down. All my life I have been conditioned to hide my feelings and keep secrets so writing this has been a first big step.
Mental illness is a stigma and people don’t want to talk about it. Even if you talk about it they avoid it. My brother and sister don’t understand and there is judgement esp about taking meds. So I have stopped talking about it.
I have one friend I can talk to and I consider that a blessing.

Is It the Medicine or Me?

The social isolation
The anger without causation
The absent motivation
The standstill stagnation
The fear-based creations
The same state vacations
The lack of blood circulation
The food appreciation
The social isolation
The negative thought infiltration
The “why can’t I be normal?” frustration
The weight fluctuation
The random mood deflation
The made-up word creations

Hi there all I’m Z. and I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I am 18 and I’m in my 2nd set of classes at my technical college.  I have an issue that makes me lose my motivation to keep going.  As a result I failed my English class because I lacked the drive to do my homework.  This is not new to me because I had the same issue in high school.  I had never been able to get it through my head that I need to do this.  I don’t know why.  Once it hits me that my grades are in trouble I get the ball rolling really well.  But as time goes on my ball loses speed again and the cycle continues.  I always say I understand and will do more but it feels only temporary.  The work is never that hard so I avoid it. I guess i just think of it as not necessary. That’s obviously not the case.  So I don’t know what I should do.  I know it’s my own fault but is there something wrong with me where I can’t get the message.  I don’t know.  If i was a ball my energy would be excitement and terror.  I’m rolling on a flat surface, no incline ,no slope and eventually my ball stops until the grade smacks me with enough energy to keep going.  until it slows down again.  I’m not sure if anyone can help with this.  Or put a label on what’s wrong.  I know i have ADD, and ADHD and i take meds for that.  But they can only do so much. So Thank you to anyone who reads this.

I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

I have MDD along with Anxiety and bipolar. I have no motivation. Most days I can’t get out of bed and only go out when I am completely out of groceries. But my biggest problem is the mere thought of getting in the shower is exhausting and paralyzing for me. I can go weeks not able to get in the shower. It’s embarrassing and disgusting. But I physically cannot do it. I realize it only takes 15 minutes and I’d feel so much better after but I still can’t do it. Do others have this same issue or is it just me?

So here’s a little insight about myself that no one expects, nor would’ve known. I’ve been fighting with anxiety and depression since I was about 4-5 years old (dating back to my first anxiety attack that I can remember), to be quite frank it’s

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Dear Sir…
I need motivation seriously
But you slapped my face today with a comment of me needing attention
Surely you didn’t say that
I’m not that needy nah you wrong about that
I need support BUT
You don’t have that time to help me
You think of yourself first
Then your remark about me not feeling appreciated or wanted
Again wrong that’s not what I want
I need encouragement BUT
Again you don’t have time nor the willingness
You just make me miss my old store manager
I need connection BUT
I have learned to keep my distance from you
You taught me that when I first met you
I have learned that you do not acknowledge your people
They have given up like I have
I have learned that your weaknesses are my strengths
Sharing pure joy and laughter given unconditionally
Working to gain trust in customers and co workers
Showing interest and commitment to make things better
Dear Sir…
When will you get me
Do I really have to leave my job
For you to miss my presence
My presence is what makes your store shine in cosmetics
I have open my eyes to see more opportunities
More opportunities to get away from you!

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in 7th grade. I lost a group of friends and felt very alone in the world. I withdrew from everyone else. I tried to solve my problems on my own because I believed that talking about how I was feeling (sadness, loss of interest and motivation, hopelessness) showed that I was weak and therapists were weird. I believed in the stigma because it’s what I knew. I started seeing a therapist because I took a mental health assessment at my physical and apparently didn’t do so well. My therapist, however, couldn’t make time for me as much as I needed it. This only fueled my stigma. I thought all therapists were like that. I stopped going. High school started and I got very depressed. I lost all hope and didn’t see a point in living. In the beginning of sophomore year, I was suicidal. I cut myself frequently and just hated myself. My parents noticed and took me to the emergency room. There, it hit me. My dad and mom were crying. I scared everyone. So many people cared about  me. I wasn’t alone. I had to try for them. It was the most emotional night, back in September of 2013. I saw a therapist regularly that truly made a difference in my life. I was put on medication to help with my depression and anxiety. It took a lot of hard work and different medications and doses but after a while, it began to work. I coped. I was able to function. I had hope for a brighter future. I can now say that I am stronger. I am no longer majorly depressed. I recently had an appendectomy and in the appendix, they found a carcinoid tumor. I was scared. I was only 18 and had already been touched with cancer. After seeing an oncologist, my results showed no signs of other tumors in my body. I was relieved but in a bad place. I had an existential crisis and felt myself slipping back into a downward spiral. This time, however, I went to the counselor at my college. I didn’t want to be in a dark place, feeling hopeless and lonely. I got help and started talking about it. I am most proud of myself for seeking help because I knew I needed it. I’ve come a long way since middle school. I am a psychology major and not sure what I want to study but I know that I want to help end the stigma. It is admirable to seek help when you are feeling depressed or anxious. I see that as extremely strong, brave, and courageous. We need to stand up to society and stop the stigma together. 

Depression
Waking up early, but not wanting to get out of bed.
No motivation, what’s wrong with my head?
I don’t want to get ready.
I’m not going out.
Sometimes I just want to sleep to all day.
I have nothing to look forward to anyway.
I feel worthless and have fatigue every day
Just waiting for the right medication to help me not feel this way
It’s frustrating trying so many meds, finding the right one
Hopefully this med will work, withdrawal will end and this will be done
Others who are ignorant will say it’s all in your head
They say you just want attention, instead
Sometimes you look to food when feeling sad
Now I’m upset hardly anything fits that I’ve had.
There is help, I won’t give up.
I encourage everyone to do the same, keep your chin up.

Psychiatric RN