A few months ago someone asked me if there was anything good about living with depression.  I answered the question but I must admit that I was stumped by it.  What could possibly be good about living with depression or any other mental illness? After all my mental illness has repeatedly pounded me into submission, driven me to my bed for days, and pushed me past the end of myself for thirty-nine years. I have struggled through the seemingly impossible task of finding a decent psychiatrist combined with the stressful experiential process of figuring out the correct medication regime, and cloudy thinking that is the hallmark of a mental health crisis. Then there is the stigma that continues to cloak many of my fellow mental illness road warriors with a shame that only impedes our healing.  The pain of living with a mental illness sometimes exacts a toll that is too high to pay. Viewed through this lens it would be reasonable to conclude that there is nothing good about living with depression or any other mental illness.  However, if nothing else living with depression has taught me to look beyond what seems reasonable or logical to my unquiet mind.  

I am a believer and person of faith.  As such I choose to view my mental illness through the Word of God.  Now I know that I lost some of you when I mentioned God and the Bible.  Before you stop reading, I implore you to consider the entirety of my post.  I urge you to take what speaks to you and leave the rest.

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I am 34 years old, a Navy Corpsman Veteran, and a lifelong sufferer of depression and suicide ideas. i am a survivor. I live at home with my wife and our 4 children, dog, and cat named Nuisance. my oldest son is high function autistic, and the evidence is mounting that i may be as well. Please enjoy this poem i wrote for submission to NAMI in the hope that you will know, well, that you are not alone.

IN THE LAND OF SANITY

I strode to the land of humans,

 through the mists of time and tide

I climbed to the place the sane people live

Through lands of the dead and blind

I walked to the edge of sanity

From the other side of fear

And I looked in the magic mirror

The people had placed over there.

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Teenage depression and suicide rates have been increasing in the recent years. In 2007 to 2017, the number of suicides among people ages 10 to 24 suddenly increased by 56 percent. So clearly depression is a real issue. Also only around 40% of teens who have had a depressive episode have received treatment. In order to prevent suicide and undiagnosed depression, teenagers need to be aware of the signs. This is where many schools fail. A lot of schools don’t go very in depth when talking about signs of depression and how to cope. Even more importantly, teenagers need to know how to find a support system so that they don’t find themselves in a very bad place. Support systems can come from a lot of places, the best being supportive friends and most importantly, supportive parents. But sadly many teens don’t have these things. That's why places like this website are great. All in all, schools need to have better education on depression so that teens don’t feel so alone and afraid.    

There are strategies to help fight Depression

For more than thirty-three years I have lived with major depression in my life.  In order to help others I would like to share some strategies I have learned to successfully deal with depression.

Situational versus Biochemical Depression

Depression can situational, following a tragic event, as in the death of a spouse or child, or it can be biochemical, which is a genetic imbalance in the brain. The symptoms, however, are the same for both.

Symptoms can include:

Sleep disturbance-either sleeping too much or unable to sleep

Increased tension/agitation/irritability

Uncontrollable emotions

Poor concentration

Apathy

Difficulty with routine tasks/decisions

Feelings of helplessness/hopelessness

Appetite disturbance-no appetite or overeating

Fatigue and lack of energy

Self Confidence and self-image greatly reduced

Anxiousness

If a person has several of these symptoms lasting more than a few weeks, you may very well have depression, and it is recommended you see a doctor.

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It is ok to be sad. It is normal. We become sad for so many reasons. Sadness can be overcome, it is just a passing emotion. It is temporary. Depression is long term, it is both physically and mentally painful but you can not describe the pain. It lasts. Depression is a mental illness. Do not argue with me it is a fact. You can not let depression just pass like sadness and fade away. Some medications give us depression too which is a whole other element. Depression is real and effects so many that hide it or even can not admit.

I live with depression.  

I describe my depression as being in a dark hole. I know that there are people trying to help me I see them but in my depression they are just kicking the dirt and burying me more. I can not see any light because my world went black. I am exhausted but can not sleep. I am irritable but playing happy all at once. I feel guilty for no real reason and like I have failed so many. I have thought about my death and how everyone would react. And it sometimes does not phase me other times brings me to tears.

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Depression does not mean you can’t be happy. You can be depressed and be happy and ecstatic. The darkness goes away sometimes. Depression is more of a lack of emotion than sad emotion. Depression is getting exhausted from trying to be positive all day only to come back to the same point where you feel like you’re a failure and you’re good for nothing.

The fight against depression becomes the fight against your own mind which is trying to make you believe that you’re the worst and you don’t deserve anything. It keeps going on loop until you give up and accept that that, in fact, is true.

It becomes worse when it can’t be shared or talked about because of the stigma it carries in our society. People still think that people who are suffering from mental illness are doing it for attention or they’re just not trying hard enough to get over it.

It’s high time that we talk about it so it becomes a common topic, a topic about which people can talk about without any hesitation and most importantly, it needs to be talked about so that the people who are suffering from it can feel safe and comfortable while talking about it, without the fear of being judged.

The world is changing fast, and among others, it needs just this one change more to make the world a better and peaceful place.

Depression is a bruise no one can see

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I lived with depression for six years before seeking treatment. Denial is a powerful thing. And my depression came on gradually. It started in eighth grade. By the time I reached my sophomore year of college, my depression had completely taken over my life. I had reached rock bottom.

Depression was a completely surreal experience. I always felt like crying, but I didn’t know why. I always tried to hold it in, because usually once I started crying, I was unable to stop for hours. I remember one night, while crying in my bed, the thought came to me that this was probably not normal behavior; but, I still couldn’t stop.

 I felt like everyone hated me, even strangers I simply walked past. And sometimes I hated them too, for the judgment I assumed they were passing on me. I was constantly in my own head. I barely ever talked to anyone, but had a stream of self-criticism running through head at all times to keep me company.

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