The comments below were read by Karen Galinkin at the beginning of the NAMI Basics Teacher Training in Denver Colorado. Dr. and Mrs. Galinkin named NAMI Arapahoe Douglas as the recipient of memorials in memory of their 14 year old son Zac who died by suicide in December 2014. When asked what the family wanted done with the almost $10,000 in donations, they said they wanted NAMI Basics brought to the community to try and help other families.

NAMI August 1, 2015

The money for this program was raised in memory of my son Zac Galinkin, who killed himself December 16, 2014. He was 14 years old. He was smart, funny, kind, caring of others and a gifted musician and poet, to name a few of his characteristics. He was also mentally ill. Today I want to speak on the mental illness.

I have learned that you can do everything possible to help a mentally ill child and still have the end result of suicide. We took Zac to hospitals and doctors, psychiatrists and therapists, residential treatment, the list goes on and on. Through all of that there was never anyone there for us the parents and family. We had supportive friends and family, but none of them really knew or understood what we were going through. No one was really able to advise us. I felt that we were reinventing the wheel as if no one had ever done this before.

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I went to a NAMI class last night, and one of the topics we covered was suicide. They talked about the signs, what to do, and the stages of the care givers. One of the stages was resentment. I can see how you would feel resentment for being left behind and maybe the person left you with a mess or you felt abandoned.

My daughter was 16 when she attempted suicide this summer. About a month ago I was obviously still going through many emotions but was blindsided by one…the guilt of feeling selfish. When I was dialing 911, my daughter looked me in the face and asked me to please let her die. I know my daughter has a nightmare that plays daily in her mind and around her. Was I being selfish, not wanting her to die? I struggled with this because, as a parent, you never want your children to suffer, but you will do everything in your power to help them and find a way to make it better. My daughter may never have a day she does not struggle. My question was, should I have let her take her life?

I know that I made the right choice, and I know that I will continue to work everyday to find her the peace and the help that she needs. She is a beautiful child with so much to offer the world. But the emotion was real and the thought scared me…

Since October 2014 after receiving therapy and meds for one year I decided to join NAMI and become more proactive about ending #stigma about suicide and mental illness, partially at the suggestion of my therapist and partially because  of my own suffering. Maybe stigma is less than it was in the 1960’s and 1970’s but it’s still alive and well. If someone in the family or in the workplace complete suicide no-one wants to talk about it its like that person never existed. I suffered suicide losses both in my family and in the workplace. Due to heredity and both family and marital abuse/neglect I suffer from BPD. Sounds like 5 words to ruin a first date: I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am still learning how to cope with my intense feelings and how to control some of them. Posting on NAMI and attending meetings has helped me a lot.

I attended the talk by Dr. Stephen Geisler at Zucker Hillside (Queens/Nassau) where he discussed Clozapine treatment for Schizophrenia which I found interesting. I am also reading “On the Road” by  Dr.Oliver Sacks where he tells of living with stigma and of his mistakes but also his ultimate success in his chosen profession. 

Anything I can to do continue to learn and pay it forward. Things got so bad between my son and I in early 2014 that I didn’t even know how to have a conversation with him. I cannot begin to explain how painful that was. I raised him, from birth, all on my own. We were so close, did everything together. To not be able to have a simple conversation without it turning into an exhausting, emotional explosion was so painful. To have him shut me out, largely due to the fact that I was so emotional, is the worst pain a mother can experience. But you, and NAMI, changed all of that for me. I remember the day we finally had a real conversation as if it were yesterday. If I can pass that along to just one person, this will all be worth it. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for giving us a second chance of a life together.

Thanks

Sandy

Nami is a great organization and I admire your work and add my voice to local meetings. I work in a steady job live in a nice house with my family. I go for weekly therapy, take meds and was saved twice from thoughts of suicide by a kind and patient therapist in 2013 and 2014. I am trying to do what is expected if me but I am in pain and I have lost myself. I really don’t know what I want any more.I can’t decide any more.

I have been involved with NAMI Stark County, Ohio, for over eight years now. Prior to that, I saw myself as a victim (of the illnesses themselves, of the stigma attached to these labels, and of the healthcare system). Diagnosed in 1992, my first hospitalization involved being strapped down for hours; left in a padded room with nothing but a camera on me (which wasn’t legal, but I didn’t know that then.) Soon after came two suicide attempts. I was very despondent about having to drop out of college to find myself now labeled, “crazy,” by society.

My mindset moved from being a victim to a “Survivor” when I re-enrolled in college in 1998. My medications were working, but not great. It took a long time to graduate, due to numerous dropped classes when the stress exacerbated my symptoms.

Today, however, I am a “Thriver.” Between my medication, nine years of therapy, and keeping my body and mind on the same schedule each day; I am happy to report that I now hold a job for NAMI. I am paid to help others like me, and their support networks, better navigate their ways through everything that changes due to their illnesses. NAMI profoundly changed my outlook on life — now I pay it forward.   

Hello,   My name is Minyon Bond. This composition is about my life as a mental patient and as a subscriber to NAMI.  NAMI has asked for stories from persons involved with mental illness. I have been a NAMI member and subscriber for many years. The comprehensive overview which NAMI provides has been of frequent value. It is my hope that this story may help others like me.    I am one of those people. I am a Consumer.  I am BIPOLAR. I am a 73 year old woman with BIPOLAR 1 DISORDER. I have been under psychiatric care for 42 years.  I have taken many psychiatric medications. I’ve had three psychiatrists, my current one for over 35 years. Along the way I worked in field research with plants, in basic research in spinal cord injury regeneration and for 33 years as a professor of Biology/Botany in a local Community College.  I have been retired for six years.

I spent my best 35 years with Denise, my dearest friend and deepest love. There were good times and bad times but she was there for ALL times. In 2014 she died of Swine flu. Last year my friend David  introduced me to Tim. Tim produces music. Because of his patient coaching, Tim now also produces my music. Most of my time is spent writing, composing, playing, singing and recording our songs.  Life is good again. Different but good.

How did I get here?  In January, 1975, I entered a mental hospital. This was labelled as a failed suicide attempt. Why failed? My friend David hauled me out of my swimming pool. My original diagnosis: SCHIZOPHRENIA. I was treated with several medications from the Thorazine family.  These ultimately resulted in profound depression.  None of the several varieties of antidepressants helped.

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I am 34 years old, a Navy Corpsman Veteran, and a lifelong sufferer of depression and suicide ideas. i am a survivor. I live at home with my wife and our 4 children, dog, and cat named Nuisance. my oldest son is high function autistic, and the evidence is mounting that i may be as well. Please enjoy this poem i wrote for submission to NAMI in the hope that you will know, well, that you are not alone.

IN THE LAND OF SANITY

I strode to the land of humans,

 through the mists of time and tide

I climbed to the place the sane people live

Through lands of the dead and blind

I walked to the edge of sanity

From the other side of fear

And I looked in the magic mirror

The people had placed over there.

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I have been battling depression my entire life and yet I have managed to survive even after several attempts at suicide.  My father committed suicide in my presence when I was a child and my Uncle committed suicide because he was terminally ill.  They say it runs in families, but I’m trying to break the cycle.  My diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder and like many others who suffer from this mental illness, I’m aware of society’s outlook on it, but I also know it’s not my fault.  My ability to get through this is not without help.  I take antidepressants and go to therapy; the two go hand in hand.  More importantly, I am learning why I hurt myself and why I’m self destructive. I think this is the first step in accepting one’s self and learning how to understand and deal with certain behaviors associated with depression.  People have told me that my father was a coward for taking the easy way out and I grew up ashamed of him.  When people asked about how he died I would lie and say “he was in a car accident” because people could handle that better and I wasn’t ousted.  Now I am him and I understand what he was going through and I do not think he was a coward, I just think he was ill.  My wish is that the public would become more educated on the subject.