There’s so much that I could truly say, but would it make sense whenever I said it, probably not. But it’s always worth a shot right. Truth is, even whenever it seems like its not the right thing to do, don’t be afraid to take a chance. That’s what I live by. What doesn’t kill you… Makes you stronger.

My name is Zachary Mallory. I am a Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Advocate from Kansas City, Missouri. Born and raised. I have never been the type of person to open up and talk about myself, but I feel like it’s truly that time to do so.

Growing up, I guess you could say I had a normal childhood, but what’s Normal anyways? Throughout school, it was like a putrid hell for me. I never knew what to expect whenever I was walking down the hallways. Was I going to make it to class on time, or am I going to get thrown down the stairs, yet again. It was like a reoccurring nightmare that just wouldn’t go away, no matter what I tried.

Coming home to my parents was my biggest challenge. Not because they didn’t accept me, but because I didn’t know how to tell them what was wrong with me and it depressed me even more because I was basically living a lie. I knew that I had to tell someone, but how. I came home after school one day, and it was after being pushed off the bus and having the bus doors closed right in my face. The bus was leaving and I was late getting there because I got held up in the hallway by a high school jock and was forced to do something that I never imagined in life I would ever do. I won’t go into detail about what happened, just know it was very much embarrassing, in the school hallway of all places.

He threatened me and told me that if I didn’t do it, he was going to run around to everyone and tell them that I am a “queer”.

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I got married for the second time at 38 to a very talented man, who teaches his craft to local students. We both came into the relationship with depression and anxiety, and bonded over our love of music, books, film, and an old story of a kiss we shared in high school. We opened a business together and developed a beautiful community of students and their families. This is not one of those stories that was a fairytale from the beginning and one day turned dark. We shared so many normal days, like most families, and there were beautiful days, too, but there was also an undercurrent of abuse that was there from the beginning. I learned years later in therapy that what I experienced was emotional abuse, which is a form of domestic violence. On the worst day, I also experienced sexual assault, although I wouldn’t fully feel what happened to me emotionally or physically until years later.

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So I live with my own mental health issues.

But I have an issue when a group of people bully and harass an individual who struggles more. Lydia is 30 years old and suffers from Complex PTSD. Is Autistic, Bipolar with Anxiety and has Triggers and Panic Attacks. The bullies targeted her for nothing but cause drama. They never met her nor she them. They drove her to a suicide attempt but I am glad I could do an intervention on that attempt. No one was arrested because only Lydia saw them and in pictures or video of the incident. So she is getting stabilized and I hope that these bullies are brought to justice and thrown out of this RV park so Lydia can feel secure and gain some independence. 

  Someone tell me where I can begin. Please!

As a surviving parent of a suicide victim it is more than obvious that further steps need to be taken to start turning this epidemic of shame surrounding mental health issues leading to suicide. I honestly never realized how much stigma, shame, and limitations there can be in regards to seeking help and the actual help that is offered. In a day an age where on the surface it may be become easy to avoid the bigger and more real issues that lead to a deeper and wider gap in what might be considered “acceptable”. The truth is that it is all acceptable. We can not change who and what people or not can we change chemical composition to change those facts biologically. What we can do is offer; open ears for really hearing, open eyes to see beyond the surface, open minds for understanding, open hearts for compassion and a short and simple three digit number to call for crisis intervention and resources. I can’t even imagine how many lives this would change in the future. It makes sense and is needed. I don’t know if this applies nation wide but in Oregon if we can call 911 for police, fire, and medical, a three digit number for road reports, another provides a resource directory, another to look up someone’s contact info and so on. Why not an easy access number for mental health crisis??? It’s just a shame non of us thought of this or proposed this as an idea much, much sooner. 

It began back in my early 20’s

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I do have a story to tell about my life dealing with depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, and suicide attempts. I am working on it at the present time and it will be a long process to get it composed. I want to help others with my story and hope it will inspire others to not give up and know that it will get better.

                                                                                                                  Sincerely,

                                                                                                                   Shonna

Mental health is a big deal here in Wichita Falls, TX. We have a state mental hospital and a host of various private practices, yet stigma is almost immediate. Being a functional person with mental illness causes so many to be skeptical of this disability because it can’t be seen. Everyone who suffers with disability be it that which is physically disabling , mentally disabling or both knows all to well the stigma. If we try and stand up for ourselves we are stigmatized even further as “bitter”, “angry”, “lazy”, “ungrateful”, and “entitled” because those who label us these things “pay taxes” so we can survive. We want to do more than merely survive. We want to thrive. We want to succeed. Greg Abbott is governor and he is disabled physically. Many innovators in many different fields and industries who pioneered if not fathered what we now benefit from and enjoy now in this post-modern era, often overcame the setbacks mental illness presented them. They moved with it instead of allowing all that mental illness has with it hold the back. They refused to first- stigmatize themselves. They rejected the stigmas others placed upon them. It was not uncommon that a parent or other influential person in their lives saw in them what others saw as ever incapable and always less than.

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Let me start by saying that I am in crisis. I have been for the last six weeks. I believe I’ve been having a breakdown.

But I have learned a lot through this crisis. And that is that not all those who offer mental health services are equal. In fact, there are some who are not only lesser, but they actively go out of their way to gaslight patients.

I also learned that there is no such thing as a mental health advocate. I don’t mean the kind who lobbies for better laws. I mean the kind you can call up and have them direct you to resources, who will help you access services when they have been denied. At least I have not found such a thing in Colorado, where I live.

But let me back up.

“Shoo”

A little over a month ago, I experienced a family trauma. One that was devastating enough that I had been barely keeping it together in time for the week in time for my regular Friday appointment.

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I was born 28 years ago in a small town . I had a traumatic brain injury at a young age . my dad left.  I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother I had sexual trauma at a young age as well. Due to this I developed a dissociative disorder. Around 12 years old I was introduced to the mental health system. I was misdiagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder and when the antipsychotics didn’t work they raised them until they made me sedated until I ran away at 19. Since then I have gone through periods of homelessness, military  trauma, trauma, abusive relationships, sex work, gender transition,  eating disorder, addiction, recovery and now I’m here. May 2017. I’m struggling, but I’ve taken my meds this week. I went to my mental health appointments this week. I’m trying and still doing what I need to do to take care of myself.