NAMI - You are Not Alone — Heritage of Artistic Moods

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Heritage of Artistic Moods

I never thought this condition of mine was an illness until i fell in love with someone who was perfectly normal. I always considered this as a “mood” or “sensitivity”. My mom always called this “being an artist” because she was like this and she was an artist.

 I was always afraid of people really getting to know me. Really. Really me. This is why i always avoided getting close to people or when i get close i run away when i feel like my “mood” would expose real me. As a performer, I assumed people deserved my best. And i always give my best me when i am around the people. And this is not very often. I can not stay with people around me too long because I can not be best me for long. 

 Than I found the first true love of mine in my late 20s and I had to be around! To love and to be loved. Though who could love both me and real me at the same time? When I started to show what I feel, how I feel, why I feel he was quick to let me know that this was an illness. I reacted. I feel ashamed and mortified. But than starting to see life through his eyes, I saw me. I saw me needing help. I didn’t saw me in a mood. I saw myself struggling with the mental illness of depression. 

 My story has not ended yet. For the last two years I am learning about myself with a new perspective. My mom was wrong to accept the mood. I will be a better artist without my moods, without my depression, my illness.

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