**Trigger Warning**

Hi. I used to be really mentally ill. I have had panic attacks, the worst case of obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar, anxiety and depression. I have struggled with substance abuse.  I have struggled with self-harm and suicide. One year I tried to kill myself multiple times. 

Treatment:

Coping- I have learned several coping skills. They really help.

Recovery- I was inpatient at a mental hospital. It really helped.

Therapy- I usually see my therapist every other week. It really helps.

Medication- My medication really helps too.

I hate the stigma!

I suffered from mental disorders for as long as I can remember. I am diagnosed with ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and a hormonal disorder. My panic attacks started in 1st grade. I still remember waking up or laying in bed at night then screaming in fear. I felt as if death was staring at me and going to take me, the though rushing through my head “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I should just end it now get it over with.” Over and over again. It lasted for years all through our the rest of elementary school I had them basically every night. I developed a sleep phobia because it always happened at bed time. In 7th grade my depression hit…cutting suicidal thoughts and a few attempts.

It lasted till 10th grade, my improvement happened in 9th after a sorta suicide attempt. It was that I wanted to die but I didn’t care if I did, I knew that if I took to many pills something would happen and that point that was all I wanted. I lived my day to day life with no emotion drained of all energy. At home I layed on my bed not moving and no energy to even blink some times. I saw the point in nothing, I would cut because it told me I was alive and I was able to feel something which is all I wanted. I admit I was scared to get better I forgot what happiness felt like so it scared it. Happiness had become the unknown depression was my blanket.

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I have bipolar disorder. I found out when I was twenty three. My doc said I probably had it longer than that. I used to be really badly depressed. Was on and off different meds. In the yr of 2012 I was put in out patient for self harm and bad thoughts. My body turn against medication. Then they made me transfer doctors. My docs are good… I was better in 2014. But I lost my job due to bp. Was back to being depressed and found out I could have sued them. Well I was hospitalized again this year. For not having my meds. I don’t have insurance and can’t get ssi. So its hard. I have a therapeutic dog and he is a lot of help.

My mom is not really any help. My pastor case manger friend therapist and doc are. I got my first tattoo that said stay strong.. I am still fighting but I am here. I am now twenty seven and will be twenty eight on July the 24. I know if I can do it you can too STAY STRONG!!!!

I have panic attacks too. Also anxiety and being really close to people scares me. And I have a brother who has ADHD. He’s a very smart man but he was abused as a child before my parents adopted him. Came a long way. Used to be real bad with anger. Not so much anymore. I learned that people with a mental disorder are smarter than an average person. While in the hospital I learned some famous people have mental illness. The one thing that bugs me is people using it to get out of a crime they committed. I know it could happen.. STAY STRONG!!!!

Who am I? I am a wife, mother, sister, friend, Marine and a proud American. I am loving, kind, compassionate, impulsive, stubborn and often difficult. None of those labels define me. I have Bipolar disorder, PTSD along with Borderline personality disorder and I have a tendency to self-harm. Those do not define me either. I am who I am. I am me. Mental illness is like any other illness in the fact that it affects your way of life. It may not present itself with physical symptoms but that makes it no less real. My story may not start like most. Many may find themselves feeling uneasy or unwilling to continue reading. And yet I ask you to try. Try to make it through to the very end. Hopefully you will learn a little more about mental illness and maybe a little more about me. I’m tired of the stigma often associated with mental illness. In order to properly help those in need we need to rid the world of these obvious stigmas. Some are born with a form of mental illness. Others attain it through life’s experiences. I am not sure I fall into one category over the other. And so begins my journey with mental illness…

 As a little girl I grew up loving Barbie dolls, roller skates and my dog Lacey. We lived in a normal middle class neighborhood. We knew most of our neighbors and considered those next to us as family. Maybe that is why what happened became overlooked and went unnoticed until now. As I mentioned above some might find what I am about to say unnerving but please continue on. As a little girl, with long brown pigtails, meticulously braided by my mother and with big brown eyes my neighbor first molested me. This teenage boy took my innocence at approximately 5 years old. It wasn’t just him though. I had an older male cousin that felt the need to molest me as well.  Both continued to steal a little piece of me for years. Like I said no one knew and I was too scared to tell. Still I consider my childhood a happy one. One full of love, excitement, wonder and joy. I began going to Catholic school as a Kindergartener. I stayed at the same school for 9 years. I am still friends with many of my fellow classmates. They were like family to me.

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I do not want to state my name but i am 13 years old. I have severe anxiety and depression, i also self -harm, i started last summer. I use it as a way to release pain and i get so embarrassed when people notice. Whenever someone notices  i just tell them it was my cat. I have attempted suicide twice ……I know that i need help but i’m not sure how to ask. Plz don’t give up hope like i already have.🙏🙏🙏🙏

Hello my name is Tiffany Rios I am 15 years old and suffer from depression, anxiety, ocd, and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the second grade so it has been a while dealing with my mental health. Lucky for me my family also suffers with there own mental health issues so I was lucky enough to get help at an early age. I grew up with mentors and therapy for as long as I could remember. 

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i have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder as well as gad and ocd, i had bpd as a prior diagnosis as well with just bipolar disorder. i have been dealing with anxiety everyday as well as flashback of trauma snd family abuse, i was sexually abused twice, everyday is a challenge, mainly my thoughts and fears and paranoia it all causes my depression, my mood i can get pretty angry even in public a few times, i have family that knows im ill but not very understanding and much supportive, i suffer from being insecure bc of my disease or disorder whichever and ashamed bc i know im someone u can easily judge. i had a hard life, anxiety runs in my family and bipolar i believe. ive had past suicide attempts which were serious and glad im still here, i dont have any friends who understand my illness or or to much supportive of it. im on psyche meds that are somewhat helping.

Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

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I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.

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It was never about how dirty the house was or how many newspapers you had saved overtime or the amount of magnets you had on both fridges. It was the draining effect of what your mental illness would bring. What mom was I going to see today? Will she be nice and funny? Will she be mean and hurtful? Will she be sad and kept to herself? Everyday was different. Each had a little twist to them. From bipolar to manic to depression the things that are forbidden to be talked about. Yet they take so much away from people. I never hated you I just hated your illness. I hated that you became mean in a blink of an eye or you get sad within seconds and I did love when you were funny because we could crack jokes but all it took was for one little thing and you’d switch. I never wanted this for you. All I wanted was my mom. Your illness took over and it was so hard to love you. When you knew how to take the wound you opened and twist and dig it deeper. I know one day ill look back and be thankful for all the lessons learned and maybe help others one day, but for now I just want to help you.