I have been diagnosed with a long list of mental illnesses. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Out of all of them, BPD affects my life the most. I have had BPD my whole life. From pre-school to elementary, I would cry the night before, the morning of, and during school because I wanted to be with my mother. One of the symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment/paranoia of being abandoned. I did not want to be separated from my mother because I was afraid of being left behind.

Other symptoms of BPD are: feelings of extreme anger for no reason, a pattern of unstable relationships, disassociation, mood swings, depression, anxiety, impulsive dangerous behavior, feelings of emptiness, distorted and unstable self-image, and self-harm/suicidal ideations.

BPD also affects the way one thinks. They see things only as black or white - there is no gray area. In addition, people with BPD put someone they just met on a pedestal, then immediately drops them if the person says/does something they do not like/approve of. It can be the smallest thing and most times, the person has no idea that they did anything offensive. Having BPD distorts the mind, leaving the person unable to think clearly and logically.

I have burned so many bridges because of my fits of rage, my inability to handle stressful situations, and my attachment issues (fear of abandonment).
I have been in and out of the psychiatric ward at the hospital because of BPD. Every time I am released from the psychiatric ward I am hopeful and optimistic, praying that this will be the last time I will be in the psychiatric ward. Except, I always end up going back. I feel so frustrated because I am taking ten steps backwards from recovery.

Keep reading

I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

TO ANYONE WITH ANY MENTAL ILLNESS OF ANY AGE:

(you don’t have to be in middle school)

Middle School’s known to be some of the hardest years of our lives, between hormones and homework it’s tough enough to make it through without mental health and the stigma it so often carries. As it’s impossible to make it through a class without someone making a joke about a mental illness either a friend of mine or I have, I’ve come to a certain conclusion. Teenagers will be teenagers, it shouldn’t be that way, it shouldn’t be an excuse to kidding about things that people truly struggle with on a daily basis, but it is. Sometimes things in life are just stupid, but we can’t let that get to us.

I’m a 13 (almost 14) year old in the ignorant year of 8th grade, towards the end of last year a few things in life went really, really wrong, and it resulted in a series of unfortunate events (no pun intended). Basically, by the time 8th grade started, I had not only experienced my fair share of panic attacks, gone to a therapist several times, but I had also been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. I had basically hidden from my entire grade during the summer, so as school started up again and I was struck by a mass of indirect insults towards my mental illnesses, let’s just say there was a lot of tears at the beginning of the year.

Keep reading

Navigating a world that often feels cold, insensitive, and unaccepting of mental illness is lifelong work, a healing journey with ups and downs that has no end. As a highly sensitive person who has lived with anxiety/depression/OCD/ADHD since childhood, struggled with self-harm, substance abuse, and eating disorders, and is a rape and domestic abuse survivor, I have sought out many forms of therapy over my lifetime, both traditional and alternative.

One concept that I became familiar with in Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is having a toolbox. Every individual’s toolbox looks different and will evolve over time. It is essentially a list of our skills and techniques for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. I would like to share some of my go-to tools for self-soothing and traversing times of heightened anxiety/the unknown: 

Keep reading

Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

Keep reading

He looked at me and said you look normal;

I said you don’t see what’s going on inside, in my body and mind.

I have learned over the years of recovery, to deal with and manage my mental illness, BPD/PTSD/OCD, but I had to lose everything before they notice and over time I was diagnosed.

However, over the past few years I also have acquired a stomach conduction, and live with with Reflux and pain everyday which I manage with medication as well.

I have been through counseling, all therapies, hospitals and treatment centers,

My world didn’t open until I did, setting in a meeting, thinking “what the hell am I doing here” I am not like these people, “they are not normal” I was being prejudice, not exactly knowing what I was talking about, being judgemental.

My friend said,” just listen”, don’t look for the differences, look for the similarities, just listen.

So, I did and it was like listening to someone telling me my story, but it was theirs.

Keep reading

Stronger Than Before

This morning I got fired from my job. I had the feeling they were going to try to fire me after a incident that happened last week. There is so much that I happened, but I don’t want to make this letter long. Just because people work in a mental health agency, do not mean every one knows how to handle a person with mental illness. I am a peer support specialist and that was my job title at a mental health agency. I had some good people that I worked with that really care about the clients, and also was a great support to me. Then there was others 😕 Stigma can be anywhere, but it is up to us to use our voices to help shatter that stigma. Through all that I have been through that I felt like I was crushed, misunderstood, lied on, and thrown away, I was not alone all the time. God was with me, and he saw everything. The strength that I feel right now I just cannot explain. All I know it is no body but God! Hold your head us and know that you can make it through the storm with God👼🙌👍

I’m MERLIN.I have been dealing with mental health issues for many years, more than 25+ .I have taken all different kinds of of meds and have tried to stop taking meds more than 8 times and have ended up in the hospital.a mental health hospital can be a scary place but the people are trained and are there to assist you with your recovery.Since dealing with mental health issues over 25+ years I have decided to turn the tables on MENTAL HEALTH and train to be a PEER SUPPORT ADVOCATE.i want to help other people dealing with mental health issues and let them know that there is light at the end of the road and what they are going through is only temporary.i want to share my faith and help educate,inpire,coach and be an example to others.medication and counseling 

Keep reading

Dear Journal,

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 6 years ago today. After two suicide attempts in two different ways, hospitalizations, rehabilitation, counseling, and multiple misdiagnoses, I can finally say “I’m OK”. Being ok is better than feeling numb, or feeling like I’m screaming in a room full of people and can’t be heard. I no longer let these depressing clichés represent my life. I do my own variation of coping and I’m ok with that now.

Therapy has been cool. I am finally touching subjects that were once sensitive. It’s scary cause I don’t know what is going to come out of my Pandora’s box. But I trust my psychologist.. finally. I made amends with a person of my past who I hated all my life. I have gotten a chance to see my brothers after our separation at Mom’s funeral 10 years ago. They are all grown up now. Mom would be proud in the strong men they have become.

I’m still in and out of homelessness though. It used to be a trigger my I’m fighting and trying to not let it take me backwards. Meditation on other things than what is going “wrong” in my life has really help. Having food every now and again, working now, and going to school to become a clinician myself.

I am finding out who I am now… and I'm 28 years old, overweight, cutter, artist, singer, speaker for LGBTQ, ER registrar, sketcher, reader, AA, beautiful and… I’m OK.  I can’t help others until I help myself. So I hope my venting helped you.

Sincerely,

Lory.

It was never about how dirty the house was or how many newspapers you had saved overtime or the amount of magnets you had on both fridges. It was the draining effect of what your mental illness would bring. What mom was I going to see today? Will she be nice and funny? Will she be mean and hurtful? Will she be sad and kept to herself? Everyday was different. Each had a little twist to them. From bipolar to manic to depression the things that are forbidden to be talked about. Yet they take so much away from people. I never hated you I just hated your illness. I hated that you became mean in a blink of an eye or you get sad within seconds and I did love when you were funny because we could crack jokes but all it took was for one little thing and you’d switch. I never wanted this for you. All I wanted was my mom. Your illness took over and it was so hard to love you. When you knew how to take the wound you opened and twist and dig it deeper. I know one day ill look back and be thankful for all the lessons learned and maybe help others one day, but for now I just want to help you.