When I speak to you about hate

I filter

Because I don’t believe you can handle the truth

The facts are not coated in sugar but soiled in blood

It is a heavy chain my ancestors and sisters have carried

And years of solitude in our thoughts compile after a while

What you will hear won’t be gentle words but painful realities

The kind that slant the world upside right reared to its cruelty

When I speak of love

I filter

Because the world rejects the idea of not fitting a box

Woman or Man: check one

You can’t love both–that is denial

If you deny then you belong no where

How would I know to accept you or hate you?

How would I believe you are honest in your intentions?

Because if you don’t know who you are you must be deceitful

When I ask for help

I filter

Because one cannot be depressed and not be lazy or suicidal

Because I have to get up, can’t let myself get down

And even though I trust you and know you wouldn’t judge me

The world has too long ago taught me to filter that pain

Smile and be happy

Filter the tears, the bruised knuckles, and cuts on my legs

Thrive and rejoice in the dream job and house with 2.5 kids

None of which I want

But I filter

Because a woman who does not want children is not a woman at all

Miserable and alone because a career cannot be my only dream

I filter

Because although I have white allies, I have white enemies which poison my faith

And the continued imbalance leads me to filter my feelings

Otherwise I am too sensitive

Which is equivalent to wrong

Still I filter

Because the world is not safe for a brown person like me to voice my thoughts

When I could be met with equal parts of rejoicing and disdain

I filtered

I filtered because that was what I was taught

I filtered for survival

But living a half truth is not living

Rather stumbling blindly along

And the truth is a path of solid soil

Follow it and we shall never hide from the world again.