The Fall
Life, although difficult at times,
Was logical – it had order.
Family, then school, then friends, then sleep;
Cyclical.
Structured; while partially annoying
But doable.
Impossible to be different.
Before the fall that shook the house.
When it got hard, toughen up – it will pass.
When I got hard
Toughen up – it will pass.
Don’t admit the incessant fear of judgment.
Don’t admit your urges, desires.
Don’t admit – you.
Because that is what is normal, because then you can hide
You –
From their judgment.
Before the fall that shook the house.
Feelings of abnormality
Then – through illogical logic – hidden,
Because it – cleared – sort of like morning fog.
All I knew was, failure hurt.
And everything I did was a failure;
I was a
Failure.
Before the fall that shook the house.
College helped, the freedom felt good
To everyone else.
Therefore it felt, good, to me.
Drugs opened up something new;
A weird happiness – a weird calm.
But now, I feel emotions – all of them.
Illogical, I know, but nevertheless they were there – my demons.
Toughen up, everyone else can do it, why?
Can’t I?
Before the fall that shook the house.
Now I am illogical,
Emotional. For the first time, and
I cannot handle it.
Then it happened.
The psychosis.
I opened it –
Pandora’s box.
I felt as if I could remember the pain I once forgot.
That fall hit my gut with intent;
Intent for me to understand myself.
I shuddered
I could see the connections – synapses firing.
The puzzle was completed.
I was completed.
Understand I am different – but that is… okay.
My unstable foundation was hit hard
But not demolished.
Now it is time to mend
Rebuild, stronger, better.
After the fall that shook my house.
That psychosis was unveiling.
But it wasn’t the last.
Many more have followed,
Each demanding,
But each removing the cast
That surrounded
Myself.
I have been building in the trees
My new sense of self –
My new understanding of Mother Nature herself –
I have found all the keys.
I will forever be a tortured man –
Plagued by psychosis –
And will never be a fan
Of man.
My only cure is unison
Between all life
Under the sun.
But with the actions of parasites, like us, and the path we stand on
Mother nature cannot hang on.
I want the world to cure her, for she, Mother Nature, is in a state of destitute.
I am sick.
Understand I cannot change the world alone.