My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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Mental illness and addiction runs rampant in my family. Mostly on my mothers side where it can be traced back for generations. As for me I feel lucky that my mental health seems to be centered around depression. I say lucky because my brother has been institutionalized with schizophrenia for over 30 yrs. I have two cousins who are gone now that also had schizophrenia that lived on the streets mostly and who are an example of the poor mental health care system we have in the US. Don’t get me wrong, their are scores of wonderful folks out their doing great work in helping the mentally ill but the resources they have are limited. My uncle and grandmother committed suicide which is something I have thought about almost daily for many years. My grandmother walked in the ocean back in the 1930’s 9 months after giving birth to her 6th child. PPD was probably the reason but unfortunately back then it wasn’t recognized.

 My history includes lots of alcohol and drug abuse. I look back and see that I was treating the symptoms of depression without even knowing it. Alcohol worked really well and I had many fun and enjoyable times in the beginning although like most alcoholics I drank irresponsibly. Long story short those substances stopped working and the spiral down continued. I am clean and sober now and depression and it’s systems are a daily occurrence. Support groups have been helpful and medication has given me temporary relief but like all the substances I have used, medications turn on me. Lots of anger and thoughts of suicide occur after a short period of taking medications so I gave up on them. Today I use the tools I have learned over the years. Focusing on gratitude is the most powerful. I am grateful my illness isn’t so severe that I would be unable to access the part of my brain that sees normality. Thanks for letting me share.

TO ANYONE WITH ANY MENTAL ILLNESS OF ANY AGE:

(you don’t have to be in middle school)

Middle School’s known to be some of the hardest years of our lives, between hormones and homework it’s tough enough to make it through without mental health and the stigma it so often carries. As it’s impossible to make it through a class without someone making a joke about a mental illness either a friend of mine or I have, I’ve come to a certain conclusion. Teenagers will be teenagers, it shouldn’t be that way, it shouldn’t be an excuse to kidding about things that people truly struggle with on a daily basis, but it is. Sometimes things in life are just stupid, but we can’t let that get to us.

I’m a 13 (almost 14) year old in the ignorant year of 8th grade, towards the end of last year a few things in life went really, really wrong, and it resulted in a series of unfortunate events (no pun intended). Basically, by the time 8th grade started, I had not only experienced my fair share of panic attacks, gone to a therapist several times, but I had also been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. I had basically hidden from my entire grade during the summer, so as school started up again and I was struck by a mass of indirect insults towards my mental illnesses, let’s just say there was a lot of tears at the beginning of the year.

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I’m MERLIN.I have been dealing with mental health issues for many years, more than 25+ .I have taken all different kinds of of meds and have tried to stop taking meds more than 8 times and have ended up in the hospital.a mental health hospital can be a scary place but the people are trained and are there to assist you with your recovery.Since dealing with mental health issues over 25+ years I have decided to turn the tables on MENTAL HEALTH and train to be a PEER SUPPORT ADVOCATE.i want to help other people dealing with mental health issues and let them know that there is light at the end of the road and what they are going through is only temporary.i want to share my faith and help educate,inpire,coach and be an example to others.medication and counseling 

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She was 24, graduate of GMU after working hard around her Epilepsy & it’s side effects,  only to go down with a mental illness.  Paranoia beyond reason, debilitating, crippling, causing hospitalization, twice.   Now, at 26, she is dependent on my presents and that is all, just dependent..  24/7 she lives in fear.  Therapy & Medication seem more like an extra curricular activity more than a sizable help or resolution.   She is not getting better.  I have such deep sadness that also surfaces as raging tears of anger in the private confines of my shower.  I have fear, while I press on hoping. We need a cure.  We are both in bondage.  She, within her mind and I, within her shadow.  

Poem 33 Voluntary Work Helps My Life

VOLUNTARY  WORK  HELPS  MY  LIFE

I have been doing Voluntary Work for Many Years now.

My Mental Health Problems which are Also,

Mentioned about in my Poetry Book,

“SOME OF THESE MAKE SENSE, SOME OF THEM DONT,

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS.”

Post Traumatic Stress, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,

Depression not Clinical and Schizophrenia.

Pricing Books for a Local Hospice and working on the Till,

Another Charity Shop Pricing Dvd’s, Computer Games and CD’s.

Welcomer at a Cathedral, telling History,

from Roman Times to the Present.

18^th Century Church near my Address, again talking History,

Which is what my Degree was in.

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My father was a drug addict, paranoid schizophrenic, dealer and hoarder.

Growing up was traumatic to say the least, I ended up moving out at age 15.

Currently I am 28, a father to be, high school teacher and martial arts instructor.

My whole life I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns.

I found that the best therapy came from writing my story, first in the form of poetry then in a book. Even if you only write for your self, please do it. It will help!

I am a mother of a young-adult son, Nathan, now 26, who suffers from the debilitating mental illness, paranoid schizophrenia. Since his age of 19, I feel that he has been in hospital more than he has been out. I know that I am not the only parent who has experienced this with a child. It is heart-breaking, and true, and every day, in our hearts, we cry in grieving for these lives and minds of our children who we often feel powerless to help.

The facts: 1-in-100 individuals suffer from schizophrenia. What does this mean? It means that each and every one of our lives will be affected by this illness - it may be ourselves who will become ill, or it will be our child, or another loved one, friend or colleague. This illness has very real physical, emotional, economic and social consequences, for the individual, families, communities, nations and the world.

A part of me died inside the day that I received my son’s diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. It came only after a long number of his teen years where he suffered increasingly difficult anxiety, on and off depression which led to self harm and impulsive actions. His first psychosis is an image that will never leave my mind.

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